Losing all of my intrinsic motivation right before I'm about to start college?

Parents Forum
1

I used to be fairly confident in my academic ability. Even when my grades began to slip, I knew that with the right amount of effort and drive, I was capable of grasping and excelling in anything. I delved into every topic taught, even those that didn’t draw my interest. For example, I used to dislike history but I entered the class with an open mind, absorbing as much information as I could and recognizing itsnimportance. I began to read novels pertaining to the topics discussed in class on my own, such as personal accounts and memoirs of The Great War.

To sum it up, I learned for the sake of learning. I grew up in a household that was financially unstable, and would read anything I could get my hands on because it was the most enjoyable thing I had to do. For example, in elementary school I would borrow my aunt’s high school textbooks and skim/read through those, depending on the difficulty of the material.

This fall, I’ll be attending a college that is known for being rigorous. The primary reason I wanted to attend was that learning for the sake of learning is greatly valued there and I knew it was a place where I would be challenged. When I received the acceptance letter, I was shocked yet excited. I immediately began mapping my courses, reading about students’ experiences, researching the extracurricular opportunities offered, etc. Up until recently, I couldn’t wait to begin my new journey. However, as I read more and more about the school and the academics, feelings of anxiety replaced those of excitement.

I started to see a pattern of students saying that academics were challenging, and often close to impossible to earn high marks, no matter how hard they tried. I used to believe that I could focus on throroughly learning the material, and the grades would take care of themselves. I used to think exams were just learning experiences and evaluations of how well I knew the material and what I needed to work on. However, I don’t feel this way anymore. Now, I feel like how well I do in college is, in some ways, out of my control. Sure, there will be a significant difference if I study vs if I just coast through college, but no matter how much effort I put in I’m afraid that I will not excel or earn a high enough GPA to attend grauduate school.

I’m starting to feel like the college made a mistake by accepting me. My test scores are below their 25th percentile and I’m coming from a school that isn’t known for its academics. I lack strong writing skills and am not familiar with literary masterpieces or every detail about American history. I’ve never written a research paper longer than five pages and have never been critiqued or evaluated on my writing. I looked forward to being able to improve my writing in college but now I’m shying away from taking writing-intensive and discussion-based classes for fear of not having anything valuable to contribute or being stuck writing subpar papers despite how much help I seek out. I’m afraid that my peers will be much more intelligent than I am and that I’ll constantly feel inferior and out of place.

Most importantly, I fear that I’ve lost my intrinsic desire to succeed. All I can think about now is grades and graduate school and feeling up-to-par with my peers. I don’t know what has happened to me, it’s like my love of learning and trying new things despite the possibility of failure has been sucked out of me. That intrinsic motivation is what led me to be successful in school, and, without it, I feel like I’m facing four miserable years in school.

I’ve been feeling really bummed out about this, and I was hoping some of you here on CC could offer your advice or share any relatable experiences.

2

You are nervous about your future, which is only natural. It is a big change and it’s wise of you to foresee that there will be challenges and difficulties in the upcoming transition. I can tell you that even the supposedly best prepared students would feel nervous and uncertain the same way as you do. My advice - stop the self-doubt, enjoy the summer and if all possible spend a little time to enhance your writing skills since that is something that’s not easy to be improved over a short period of time. Once you start college, don’t worry about that final grade you will get from the beginning. Work on and do the best you can on one reading assignment, one homework and one test at a time. You will see good results if you keep up the hard work, if not immediately then in the near future. Good luck!

3

A wise guidance counselor in our HS told me emphatically that college admission officers do an outstanding job at admitting people who will succeed in the college. So if you got in, they expect you will do just fine. You have some attributes like a natural love of learning that cannot be quantified in a test score. It is time to stop second guessing yourself and adjust your outlook. If you start off with a defeatist attitude, you will be defeated…if you start off positively and willing to outwork other students, I expect you will be fine.

4

You are going to college to learn many of the things you fear you don’t know. You aren’t expected to know everything going in. Try not to think too far ahead, take things one step at a time. Avoid reading all of the opinions about the school, the teachers, grading, etc, it is adding to your fear of the unknown as you make this transition rather than alleviating your stress.

5

Relax as much as you can this summer. Try to just detox. I hear burn out in your discussion. And remember that change is okay. If you get to your school and find its too stressful, you can always transfer to a less rigorous school. There is not only one path to success and as long as you make good choices that help to support and sustain yourself, it will be fine. For the short term, find something you love to do over the summer and do that. Don’t worry about anything else but that. Then see how you feel in the fall.

6

Your writing skills are just fine. If perchance your parents were critical of you, you are now doing it to yourself. Try focusing on your strengths, and enjoy your summer. Everyone gets pre-college jitters. It’s normal.

7

Time to put the pencil down. You earned that admission offer so take a step back to enjoy your accomplishment. Do all the things you enjoy doing but you never had time in high school. Basically, do whatever things you enjoy so that you can recharge yourself mentally. Do what you need to do so that by the time you step foot on campus, you are refreshed and eager to grow socially, intellectually and academically. You will be fine. Enjoy your summer!

8

The first thing to do is acknowledge that the strategies on which you have relied in the past may not be sufficient in a new more demanding academic environment. You will need to be more pro-active in seeking out the kinds of academic support that you need - don’t wait until you have a problem to do this. Go in on day one with the expectation that you are going use every resource that’s available. Many schools have a writing center where you can have your papers reviewed and edited before they are due. At some schools, the faculty or TA will be happy to discuss the direction your paper is going, even review it, before it’s due - take advantage of that. Use the office hours of the profs and TAs - that means you go even when you aren’t having a problem. Go because you want to clarify a point you missed or didn’t fully understand or want to discuss more or find out more about. Profs often complain that their doors are open and no one shows up…Go to every review session. Find a study group or partner in classes where you want help. See if there are tutors to help in classes where you are struggling. Read ahead - so when you go into a class you are not seeing the materials for the very first time. And review your notes regularly. Don’t let work accumulate, thinking you’re going to catch up later.

These are just a few of the strategies that outstanding students in academically competitive environments use. If you want to be one them, expect to use these strategies too. Being smart is rarely sufficient in a place where everyone is smart.

And yes, if admissions accepted you, it’s because they can see your potential. They know you can do it so trust yourself and don’t panic if, at first, it feels like an uphill slog. It will get easier - and everyone else is in the same boat.

9

It is good that you are self-identifying areas where you know you may need help vs. being shocked when you receive your first grade for a paper! Most colleges have a writing center that is staffed with people who can read over your draft, and help you refine your work and take your writing to the next level. Look this up on your college’s website now.

I suggest that you be proactive and make an appointment when you get your first assigned paper. Use the great resources that are available at your school. Don’t procrastinate until the night before the paper is due, as this is the downfall of many freshmen students.

Do you know if freshmen are required to take a freshman writing seminar or class? Many schools have this, and this class is often geared to enhance current writing skills.

You will do great, and don’t be afraid to ask for help and seek out available resources!

10

You post was well-written and in my opinion, better than 99% of the student posts on CC which are normally filled with spelling and grammatical errors, and show lack of maturity.

Don’t put down your writing skills!

Be confident!

11

Op,
Believe it or not, the feelings that you are feeling are common. It’s called the imposter syndrome:
https://counseling.caltech.edu/general/InfoandResources/Impostor

I would also add that you should remove that weight of grades for graduate school from your psyche. I think (but not positive so you should double check this) that most grad schools (except professional ones like law, bus, med) rely on many other things for grad school acceptance besides grades.

Get the book “how to be a straight a student” by cal newport so that u can learn how to study efficiently. And make use of your professors office hours (go every week), TAs, and free tutors from your college.

Good luck to you.

12

Your post was very well-written, even eloquent. I have no doubt at all that you will do fine at college and once your anxiety calms down, you will get back to enjoying learning. Anxiety is natural in your situation: everyone feels it.

My own kids went to a public school that did not prepare students that well for college, and two of them got into highly selective schools due to certain talents. I think the most helpful thing I could say to you is that you should expect difficulties the first year- some B’s for instance, even C’s- and these are not disasters, just steps along the way. My kids did. They did fine the next three years.

One of them is now in a PhD program but honestly, grad school was the last thing on her mind during college. She was like you and enjoyed learning.

I hope you will remember this: I read that professors much prefer a student like you, eager to learn but a little less practiced at b-shitting than, say, the average well-trained prep school kid. You are not jaded or cynical or a trained monkey. Go in with an open mind and heart, expect some bumps in the beginning, get the help you need, and you will thrive.

In the meantime keep busy with pleasant things so the anxiety doesn’t get you, or if it is really bad, seek temporary help with someone to talk to or even ( a little) medication.

13

“I’m starting to feel like the college made a mistake by accepting me. My test scores are below their 25th percentile and I’m coming from a school that isn’t known for its academics.”

That kind of college does not make admissions mistakes. Period. They just don’t. Stop flipping out about your test scores. They didn’t admit you for your test scores. They admitted you because they believe you are the type of student who can thrive there.

14

There are many good suggestions here that should help. Also, try not to compare yourself to other students—I know it’s hard, and to some extent, everyone probably does that to a greater or lesser degree, but your journey is your own. If you end up getting a C your first quarter/semester, see if you can raise that to a B by the second–or a C+ or B-. Don’t worry so much about graduate school–for many fields (though not all), your overall GPA in college won’t matter. Mine wasn’t great but I excelled in my major and got into top graduate programs with a full ride. If you’re a hard-working, motivated student (which it sounds like you are) and avail yourself of the resources and opportunities at your school, professors in your major will notice—and write you good letters of recommendation if you decide to apply to grad school. In the meantime, keep in mind that most students will be having the same sorts of doubts you’re having, especially the first year, and most of them are burned out after four grueling years of high school. Talk to other students, especially juniors and seniors, for their perspectives on adjusting to college’s academic demands. If you need further help, seek out the counseling center at your school—that’s what it’s there for. Good luck—I have a feeling you’ll do just fine!

15

There is nothing different about you since being accepted other than your awareness that college will be more challenging. That is it, and it is true. But knowing this and fearing it are not the reason you were accepted. The college saw your love of learning as a strength, they did not admit you based on you being a straight A college student. They are counting on you as making the most of your college education as you have high school.

Don’t focus on your grades to the extent that you lose that spark for learning. The fear is working against you. Chill. You can rise to the challenges of college as they present themselves. It’s part of the learning, and with that, you will be fine.

16

You’re going to college to learn, you’re not supposed to know the stuff beforehand or there would be no point in going :-). If you can count, read, write, and you’re motivated to study hard, you’re good to go :-).

As for motivation, imo what you need is holidays :-). Put the curriculum down and relax. Everything will be explained to you in the fall, just pay close attention at that time. You need to let your brain relax so it’s ready to start afresh. Sleep, physical activity, fun, beach, summer job, friends, shopping… that’s all you should be doing this summer :-). The motivation will come back if you take a break from school.

As for grades, I had a huge imposter syndrome like you (and still do sometimes), but really I found that studying does solve everything. It is not out of your control at all, it is completely in your hands, and that to me is one of the best parts of college. Start studying the first day of class, go to class, if you don’t understand something look it up and ask your teacher, make flashcards, do practice tests, and really you’ll be fine. It’s all about balance and for me, studying in the day and fun in the evenings has worked out decently :-). Good luck :slight_smile:

17

Ditto on the above. Always remember you belong there. Half of the students need to be in the lower half by definition. They intend for you to succeed. Most college students will get lower grades in college than in HS. They took the best and that crème de la crème will sort itself out again. You are one of those- who knows if you may again be among the top students. Just be sure to take advantage of any help from tutoring to writing labs to adjusting to life at your school. Congratulations on being an elite student!

18

Most students who come from large and below average public schools do not think they have the right to ask their teachers for extra help. Whereas students from small private schools are accustom and expect to ask their teachers for help whenever they need/want it.

My kids went to a small private high school and a very large Uni. Their teachers in high school gave out their cell, home numbers and emails to their students, and they met with the students before and after school for extra help. My kids continued to seek out help from their professors when they went to college because that’s what they were accustom to.

D1 was not as a good of a writer in high school, she was more of a STEM student, but as a student at an A&S school, she had many research papers to write. She would meet with her professor to go over her topic, outline and paper before she turned it in. It was a very good learning opportunity for her, but she also got a lot of brownie points for meeting with her professors. She got very good grades for her effort, and after all, with that much input from the professor, there is no reason why it wouldn’t be a good paper.

One thing I always told my kids was to not to fall behind, don’t try to cram everything in the last minute, and be prepared so they could get more out of class lectures.

The first year maybe tougher for students who came from less rigorous high school, but it will level out after a year or two. Adcoms are pretty good at identifying students who could excel at their school.

Congrats.

19

Motivation is only one tool that could be utilized in lack of all others. If you lost it, do not focus on this fact. Just go to every lecture and be prepared for every class. Do your homework! You homework is not only certain assignments, it is also very helpful for some classes to read ahead or do whatever it takes.to understand all concepts in the class. including all academic help available at college.

Now, if you think that all employees always have some motivation to get up in a morning and go to work, you are wrong! So, welcome to the real world, not everything is driven by motivation, forget about it. Some of it is a habit, some of it is pure sense of responsibility. You are investing ton of money and time into 4 years of college, be responsible ADULT to NOT WASTE these precious resources that could have been devoted to something else (so, there is also a huge opportunity cost).
If you enjoy a process, great! If not, then still have to go thru because YOU CHOOSE to do so.

Have a plan and take one day at a time. Do not look too far and too deep. It is a straight forward process. Do your best in everything that is on your plate for today and sleep well knowing that you had a great day no matter what obstacles (lack of motivation is one of them) and how many were on your way.
Forget motivation, it is not what it takes! Best wishes!

20

How you do in college is absolutely in your control!
That is the simple answer.

My advice is not to overload yourself with really difficult courses that first semester. Give yourself time to adjust to the freshman experience which will most likely be more academically challenging than high school. Do chose courses that you find interesting and exciting so you can give yourself the chance to get into that intellectual mindset that you enjoy. Look for a mentor, which is often assigned to incoming students anyway, so you have someone to talk to about any worries you have as you go through that adjustment.