@morrismom: I wish you peace as you go through this.
I see now, when looking at my aunt, that as her sisters leave her, a whole new definition of self must now be made. I hear that she is listening to…the universe…for a way forward.
Say her name. Say her name. Say her name.
I am so sorry for your loss . . . can’t even imagine.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is very hard.
My deepest condolences, morrismm.
I am very sorry for your loss!
Ouch, condolences.
I don’t know about the rest of you but H and I have thought about death in recent (many) months. My mom died decades ago at only 53. His dad in his 80’s, mine any time now as he approaches 90. So many of the people we knew as adults when we were kids- relatives, parents of friends- are past 80 and dying. Plus some in our generation- and why the healthful habits one instead of the unhealthy one getting a terminal disease???
Morbid thoughts. But- we are realizing we getting to an age where we could die. We have figured out how we could survive without the other. H can fend for himself- I have taught him some cooking, laundry and a few other daily living skills for things I have always done. I can manage the things I dislike he does, when I may need to- finances. More importantly- we can live without each other, although we can still live with each other as well (so far).
Even though I don’t talk too often with my sister when we do we can talk for hours- and we can verbally disagree (fight) so our spouses think we shouldn’t talk. But- we are sisters and always seem to get over it- wish our H’s understood how we can get mad at each other then all is okay. Relates to our growing up baggage and shared experiences, differences in personality… shared history. My older sister is too close in age to have admired- she got to do everything first, I was chasing at her heels…
I guess we are all growing older and have more past than future. Plus kids in their twenties are still declaring independence from us.
I’m sorry that you lost your sister. My siblings are 10 and 12 years older and I know it’s going to be rough when I lose one.
I am sorry.
You have good memories of her. Continue cherishing those in her honor.
Sending big hug. It was so hard to,lose,the 'rents, and will be worse to,lose my sister.
Take care and be gentle with yourself condolences
So sorry morrismm.
I have one sibling. He lives a plane ride away and I don’t see him often but I would feel lost without him.
morrismm - very sorry for your loss. It is very hard when it is your siblings, aside from missing them you are also looking at your own mortality. I am very close to my siblings. In the last year or so, when things were hard for me, it was my siblings who called me everyday. Your sister had a very interesting life. She probably lived her life without a lot of regrets. The fact you miss her so much says volume of the kind of person she was.
I am so sorry, morrisnm.
Ironically, H and I will be participating in the Walk to Defeat ALS today. I lost my oldest sibling to ALS almost 14 years ago. It is hard. Growing up you just assume that you will always have your siblings around and then you don’t. My brother and I shared the same sense of humor and sometimes still I hear something I know he would find funny and then it’s like oh yeah, I can’t call him and tell him that…
I am so sorry for you loss, morrisnm.
Losing a sibling is a very hard thing – harder for some people, I think, than losing a parent. People expect to lose their parents. But we may not expect to lose siblings – and all the shared family history that goes with them.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. It means a lot. She is going to have a military funeral later this week.
@morrismm, losing people of our own generation is hard. Losing a sibling - a beloved one at that - is devastating. No words of comfort other than advice to be nice to yourself, to accept your pain as the price we pay for love, and to hug closely all the loved ones around you.
Hugs, prayers, and peace. It seems your family was very close, and your sister sounds like she was remarkable as a person and very accomplished.
H’s mom was one of 13, the youngest girl, and even losing her parents in their 80’s was significant to her. One brother died young in an accident - his widow remarried by continued coming to the family reunions - it was that kind of a family. When I was marrying H, my parents came to the family reunion too - again that kind of a family. H’s parents are in their 80’s and declining health. They were happy to be able to make it to older sis’s 90th birthday celebration which was 180 miles away (BIL/SIL were visiting and took them). Only 4 of the group left, younger brother and three gals, and one sister (now the oldest) has dementia and pretty severe heart issues. The oldest any sibling lived to was 94 - she was determined to live longer than her older sister who she ‘competed with’ in life growing up, and she did!
I feel a lot of loss - losing my dad too young at 63. Mom died of dementia at 78. My one sister has mental health issues since her 20’s and has cut my older sister and me out of her life - for me it was this year. My older sis got the ‘cold’ message a few years ago. At least my birthday card wasn’t returned (this past summer when I was in her area, she told me she did not want to see me). As much pain as I feel about this, I know she is in more pain and trouble with struggling to stay well w/o bi-polar medication or any therapy. Family HS of bi-polar (mom, grandmom). Mom’s heavy meds probably did not help on her dementia - she was happy to take meds and not deal with issues in any kind of talk therapy. One brother lives in Costa Rica and cannot re-enter the US (didn’t serve out a probation sentence). So broken family issues too, which makes for a heavy heart.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I know what it means to lose the person who shared your childhood memories, as my brother, my only sibling, died a month after I got married. Too young, too young.
My mother would have turned 87 today; she passed earlier this year, 5 years after Dad. So I am the only one remaining of my birth family.
When you lose close family members, you lose someone who loves you unconditionally. There are very few of these treasured people in our lives. I now have 2-- my husband and daughter. And I am all the more grateful for them, now.
Please take extra good care of yourself.
So sorry, Morrismm, May her memory be a blessing.
I lost my baby brother (7 years younger than me) last summer. He was 59 and I think of him every day.