<p>I am reminded again today how many kind, generous people there are here in this forum.
Thank you all for your thoughts, they are helping me sort through a bunch of emotions.</p>
<p>Wus75, i hear you, i think you said it beautifully. Thanks.</p>
<p>Very sorry for your lost. I am sure her husband knew how you felt about his wife. </p>
<p>I also second in sending something to the house. A lot of my friends and colleagues donated to the Cancer Society when my father passed away. I never received any notification as to who donated. Someone (on this forum) sent me a plant, and it is still doing very well. Whenever I look at the plant it reminds me of her thoughtfulness. If you want to send flowers, I like orchid. It can last weeks.</p>
<p>Sorry for your loss. Sending a hardy plant to the widower is a very nice gesture, or a gift of a donation in honor of your friend, whichever strikes you as right. It sounds like you were a good and caring friend when you were needed and that the friend and widower appreciated your friendship. Please do NOT beat yourself up–you did what you could and it was why you were called.</p>
<p>The regrets at after a death can be many. My aunt just died. My mom is so regretful that she didn’t find time for the intended call to her in the last week. The friend who died of cancer over the summer, well, I got too busy to spend my regular hours with him over what I later learned were the final weeks of his life. I still miss him. </p>
<p>Write out those thoughts, send a plant or whatever seems appropriate. You were a very good and kind friend, there for some of the hardest times. </p>
<p>I’m dealing with a number of women and men who faced loss in the last year or so. What they all say is that, for them, this doesn’t end with the funeral. They mention how much it means when someone sends a follow-up note, a few months later. Even just a few lines. </p>
<p>You were there when times were tough and Mary needed a friend. Don’t beat yourself up.</p>
<p>I hope that in time, the good memories will outweigh this sad one.
If the deceased didn’t want a viewing to avoid a fuss, and “wasting money”, I’m not sure I agree sending flowers is the best idea. It sure isn’t a bad idea, but maybe not the best. Perhaps those providing the services know of a specific charity she would have preferred? Or someone closer to her than the Op?
When my Dad died, we gave funeral director word, and published in the obit the charity of his choice. I was surprised at how many gave to the charity of their choice, rather than my Dad’s choice. Somehow it just didn’t seem very caring to us for people that did that, for them to disregard his preferences, yet claiming to be giving in “his memory”. Nevertheless, they gave to a charity rather than the florist, and we saw that as the better option of the 2.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry, Musicmom. I’m sure your friendship meant a lot to her. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>When people get sick, I find there are two types of friends. The ones who steps up and the ones who run. I can tell you that it is one of the most surprising things of which friend does what. And how cherished the ones who step up are. Usually they are the most unlikely. </p>
<p>Take comfort that you were the friend who stepped up and how much that means to that person. </p>