<p>Heys guys, can anyone please give me feedback on my Loyola Chicago essay? Please be as honest and brutal as you can.
Prompt: You are invited to share more about yourself and why you want to be part of the Loyola community. Or, feel free to use this opportunity to share information about a significant leadership role you may have had while in high school. You may also choose to submit a sample of your writing from a class or project. Please limit your response to 500 words. </p>
<p>I have believed that with hard work, anyone can achieve his or her dreams with success. Since freshman year, I have dreamed of becoming a doctor. I believe my dream will come true by being in the Pre-Medicine program at Loyola. The primary reason I want to be a doctor is that I have grown up with an autistic older brother throughout all my life, and he is my inspiration.
Having an autistic brother can be really rough to the heart. When my mother had a hysterectomy, I had to feed him with catfish that he loved, but even the smell of it made me want to vomit. Whenever he got sad or angry for unknown reasons, I had to keep an eye on him and listen to preschool music that made me annoyed, but made him all cheered up. His condition and behavior occasionally stress me out emotionally and I even think that my life would be so much better if I he was considered “normal”, or if I didn’t have a brother in the first place. Sometimes, it just hurts me to look at him because of his inability to communicate. I have also not been accepted by some people because of my brother. There are so many people that I share common interests with and I’ve really wanted to become friends with those people. However, some of the people had just completely ignored me when I mentioned my brother’s condition. It also angers me when my social life is limited because of him. Many times, I’m not able to spend my Friday nights at the mall or the movies with my friends because I have to take care of him when my mom is busy. I also feel isolated when my parents take care of his extra needs. It feels like I’m not even part of the family.
Despite all the conflicts and challenge I have faced with him, I still love him to death and always will. He is what really motivates to pursue a career in medicine. The various physicians and therapists who work with him have not only helped him, but they have also helped me cope emotionally. I believe that I will be able to make big, positive changes in peoples’ lives not only physically but also emotionally by being a doctor. I believe that I will be able to help their loved ones equally cope with their conditions or diseases. I will also be able to raise my confidence knowing that someone has been impacted positively because of me. Studying in the Pre-Medicine program at Loyola will lead me to become this person who brings positive changes in peoples’ lives. </p>
<p>Also, do you guys think that this essay could answer the Common App prompt#1 for UIC if I wrote UIC instead of all the times I’ve wrote Loyola?
The prompt for that is: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.</p>