Made up examples... How are they in my essay?

<p>Prompt:there is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so oerwheling and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War…
Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>The question “Is the world changing for the better?” suggests that technology and other advances are making our world a better place. In other words, new technologies are making life better for earth’s inhabitants. In my opinion, technology and science are making life better. The examples in life and history are very pervasive.</p>

<p>Take, for instance, the lives of the indigenous people in Bahu, India. For many years, these villages people drank water so unclean that the weak and elderly would often come down with sickness and die. The people of Bahu worked ardently to purify their water, but they coudl not do it, and as a result, people continued to get sick. It wasn’t unitl Andy Jones, an American scientist specializing in water purification, came to bahu in 2008 that the people drank clean water. He introduced a new filter recently produced in the states that, while being powered by solar energy, could cleanse the water of germs using an ultraviolet light. This new technology spread through the village of Bahu and prevented the sickness that had been plaguing the village drinking water for centuries. Clearly, the progression of the world and its technology are making the lives of other’s better and improving society as a whole. Without this advancement, Bahu might have remained in a state of despair for centuries to come.</p>

<p>Another vivid example is the introduction of a new strand of rice called Kaya to the desiccated regions below the Sahara desert. For centuries, these regions have had difficulty cultivating enough crops to support the rapidly growing populations. Kaya, the superfood rice, was invented in a laboratory in Palo Alto California using cutting edge technology. Without the advancements in genetic mutation, Kaya could have never occured. The real importance of Kay a is, however, in the way it has helped countries like Ghana. The introduction of this new rice in the village of Ziga marked the first time in centuries that the village population did not have to ration its food. ALl of the inhabitants thanked the researchers who introduced the crop and showed their gratitude by building the foreigners drums of wood and animal skin. It is clear that these people benefited from the advancement of technology and tis affects on them. Without Kaya, the people of Ziga, the Ghana village, would likely still be rationing food as they been for generations.</p>

<p>When one looks to these examples he or she cannot deny the fact that the world is becoming a better place as time and technology progress. Look at Bahu, which benefited from water filtration, or look at Zigra, the village that greatly benefitted from a recently engineered rice. These examples elucidate how technology does, indeed, make the world as better place.</p>

<p>What would you score it? What do you think?</p>

<p>Some grammatical errors, feels a little contrived because of the formatting and transitions.
10/12</p>

<p>Thanks pal. It is a little contrived lol. I’ll try and make the transitions sound more authentic when I write another.</p>