<p>I hate the term “maiden name”. I took my stepfather’s name when I started elementary school (much to the dismay of my father’s side of the family) for ease of entry (not as many divorces back then). I have kept this name my whole life, except for a brief stint where I reluctantly took H1’s last name. Kids are hyphenated in an order that puts them at the beginning of the alphabet. S is now not thrilled with the hyphenated name and threatens to change it at some point.</p>
<p>I feel sorry for these kids.</p>
<p>Hypenated names, having last names as middle names, blended names, having different names than a sibling.</p>
<p>Honestly, is it that much an issue? Thank god feminism has died down a little these days. It seems like it’s just going overboard. I’m all for equality, but how does a family that looks like:</p>
<p>Mrs. Smith-Jones
Mr. Smith
Tim Jones Smith
Nick Smith Jones
Katie Elizabeth Smith-Jones</p>
<p>do anything for the cause?</p>
<p>In most cases it has nothing to do with a feminist cause. I know from experience how difficult it can be to legally change your name (even just the last name) when you are well established, and it never fails there will be some that slip through the cracks and you have to deal with that hassle. For some women they want to see their family name live on but there are only females left to carry it on. I don’t see how this is “feminist” when it is also a desire for men to see their family name live on. Then there are people who feel very attached to their name–and these are both men and women. Why do you think there are so many men who don’t want to use their wife’s last name instead?</p>
<p>Yes there are some women who refuse to change their last name for feminist reasons, but in my experience that isn’t the majority.</p>
<p>I took husband’s last name because I didn’t want my kids to have to deal with hyphens, etc. Having the same last name, whatever that is, binds us. Its just a Name, but being the ______'s is fun!!! I find with hypen-nated names (I tried for a short time) is cumbersome. Too long for many forms, too many errors. I know one mom whose name never fits in those little boxes. And her first graders are having a devil of a time.</p>
<p>So, you have a child with a hypen-nated names…what do they do when they get married…double hyphens? and their kids? Soon we will have a generation of kids with two last names marrying kids with two last names and then what a mess ; )</p>
<p>Seriously, sometimes practicality needs to supplant pride. For example, I actually have 8 names, six on my birth certificate, one from my step father and one by my marriage. I only use three, First, First middle name, and Husbands last name. After dealing with those names, I was kind to my children. Gave them short Irish Names to match Dads Irish Last Name. And I made sure they would fit in those little boxes.</p>
<p>I don’t think my kids are planning to marry or least not to have children so they are escaping having to worry about what names their children will have to spell!
I do know a couple who both changed their last name to a blend of their names- but many married couples each adult retains their name and children have the ( generally) the fathers last name.</p>
<p>So, then with the dads last name, the maiden name is gone anyway…sigh, monickers schmonickers!!!</p>
<p>Maiden name … I am amazed how many people on this board kept their maiden name 
… in the area I live in I am just about the only one!</p>
<p>you can chose to use whatever name you want just as long as it is not intended to defraud
As I mentioned earlier, my brother changed his last name while in the air force- which must have been a nightmare but it was his choice
I also have known people who have changed both their first and last names- what they do is start using their old and new names and gradually eliminate the old.
I am all for people chosing what they want to be called, my younger daughter has kept her first name but changed her spelling which I honor, but as far as maiden names being “lost” , I disagree- you can retain the names if you wish by chosing them for first names, middle names, or you can go with an entirely new name and honor your relatives in other ways.
If I had, had a boy, I was going to use my “maiden” name for his first name- but I had a girl and it wasn’t an androgenous name.
we named our 2nd daughter after the delivery room nurse ;)</p>
<p>I use my maiden name all the time for most thing unofficial . I use my married name for everything official. No point confusing the feds ! I like my maiden name and it gives me a sense of independence and identity, my own personal interests. But I’m also very proud of the married name and everything it represents- our unity, our family together, my life commitment and vitually eveything that has mattered to me for the past 25+ yrs.</p>
<p>As emeraldkity4 said, you can choose whatever name you want as long as it’s for “honorable” purposes. That’s why we gave our kids my mother’s birth surname–(1) to prevent its extinction and (2) because we didn’t like either of our surnames.</p>
<p>When a friend of ours got married, both he and his fiance changed their last names to a hyphenated version. Kline-Jang.</p>
<p>Of course, taking a husband’s name can be an irrefutable, public demonstration of true love. For example, I actually know a Mary Christmas, and a Marge Simpson—who became that way by marriage:)</p>
<p>I do think questions of identity are valid, which is why I have no problem with women retaining their maiden name. </p>
<p>I also am pragmatic and prefer the uncomplicated, which is why we didn’t hyphenate and which is why D has my last name only, which TheMom preemptively suggested before I could even ask her thoughts about. We actually changed banks when we married because the one we had selected for our joint account inisted that TheMom <em>had</em> to change her name.</p>
<p>I’ve just been bemused by some of the reactions over the years and occasionally will get a little “bump” from someone over the issue.</p>
<p>Yet another case of their being nine-and-sixty ways.</p>
<p>What a no-brainer this was for me! There was no way I was keeping my maiden name. 11 letters-long German name beginning with Sch… and ending with …rdt. Gee, guess how many times I had to spell that one (often repeatedly) my whole unmarried life :eek:
My husband’s name was a very common one and I have been very happy to not have to spell it 12 times a day!
Also, H did not know his birth father so this was his adoptive father’s name…no big sense of family name, etc. However, if H had had a name like “Butts” or something, I think I would’ve kept my own and even tried to convince him to take mine–especially for the sake of kids. Kids are mean enough to each other without having a funny name to provoke them further. :(</p>
<p>I kept my original name. I agree with ADad that the woman’s original name is not only her dad’s name but also HER name, so it is not just a decision between two men’s names. Sure, I would rather have a name that has no sexist origins at all, but keeping the name that I have used all my life makes sense to me. I hope to assign last names to my kids in a non-sexist way (which I have not yet decided upon). </p>
<p>I think it’s cool that there are so many women here who have kept their own names. It’s always amazing to me how many people assume women should be the ones changing their identity for the sake of convenience, uniformity, expressing love and commitment, etc. Especially for expressing love and commitment, why should anybody’s name have to change?!</p>
<p>The police chief of our city is named “Butts.”</p>
<p>There’s a story about the daughter of Lord Ramsbottom, who is quite disconsolate with life due to her name, until one evening she meets a very charming young man at a ball. They’re talking with increasing energy and animation, which is noted by several observers, until suddenly she stops, cries out, and runs from the room. </p>
<p>One of the young man’s friends hurries to his side and says, “Lord Sheepshead, what on Earth is the matter?”</p>
<p>I don’t care if anyone keeps their own maiden name or not. But it isn’t fair to make assumptions that those who choose to take on their husband’s names are somehow less independent. The name is just a name. And believe me there is nothing wrong with changing a last name for convenience. I really thought about my children and didn’t want to saddle them with long hyphenated names or confusing mismatched combinations.</p>
<p>I made no assumption that I had to change my name. It was a choice. And one I gladly made.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, my dad had a friend whose parents named Harold. The Bahls had a warped sense of humor, or were totally clueless!!</p>
<p>citygirlsmom,</p>
<p>Ah yes, I also knew a Harold with an unfortunate last name. True story-his last name was Dix (although it was spelled out with the -cks at the end, even more unfortunate).</p>
<p>This was at my previous job. One day I had answered the phone and he asked for the owner. I asked who it was and he answered “Harry Dix” (see spelling above). I asked him again and he was very frustrated with me, so I went in to tell the owner who was on the phone (very embarassed to be part of this practical joke). He laughed and told me that this really was the poor guy’s name! Somehow I managed to keep a straight face every time I worked with him (he was a VERY good client) for all three+ years I was there. ;)</p>
<p>CGM,
</p>
<p>Perceptions of that differ and that’s why the subject evokes some friction. You are right. So are those who feel differently. Cf., is light a photon or a wave?</p>