I’m assuming you’re a kid who cares about school and does pretty well (because you’re on CC, which means you sought it out) who just never found the right crowd. Up until high school (and sometimes even in high school), the majority of relationships are established through parental “social engineering”. Once that “popular group” (usually created by parents who care about such things) gets into high school, they tend to do anything to remain “top dogs”, and that includes not branching out too much and meeting new people. I always told my kids, “Don’t peak in middle school/ high school”. Quite frankly, I look at the kids that did and I think they’ve ended up less happy in college. College was a big wake-up call when no one knew who they were and they had to start over.
I see SO many kids that just couldn’t find a peer group in high school that do very well socially in college. College is a different ball game. Everyone is meeting new people. It’s different meeting people at 18 than it is at 14. By the time they start college, they’ve developed some of their own interests, rather than just going along with a crowd (especially if they didn’t have a crowd to go along with).
Some of the things you can do to become more socially connected in college are:
Pick the right school. If the school is a “fit” for you, there will likely be lots of people there for you to connect with.
When there is a club night/table, sign up for EVERYTHING that even seems remotely interesting. You don’t have to make any commitment to these clubs at first. Just commit to yourself that you will go and see what they are about. Then you can decide if you want to devote any time to them. This is the best way to meet people who are also looking to meet people by sharing a common interest. You might even join a club because the people seem cool, even though it’s something you’ve never thought you’d do. My New England prep-school jock, who has never danced in his life, got dragged to a line dancing club by his roommate, and he LOVES it. If the first few didn’t work out, try a bunch more. You’ll eventually find something. Try to settle on at least 1 or 2 that you enjoy after you attend a few meetings. Not only will you meet people, but when the craziness of studying gets to you, it’s great to have a scheduled activity to escape to.
Keep your door open the first few weeks of school. Let people know it’s okay to drop by. During orientation, talk to the people on your floor, even if you are shy or uncomfortable. Peek your head into open doors and ask people if they want to go to the dining hall with you at meal times. My son and his roommate knocked on all of the doors on their floor one night and just asked people if they wanted to hang in the hall and get to know each other. Start at one end and by the time you knock on the last door, there will be a pretty big group.
When picking housing, consider a “learning community” (they go by all different names). It is a group of people with something in common (usually related to your major or a special interest) that live together in one of the dorms and there is are activities to attend or there is a class you take together.
Since it seems you are entering Senior year, keep some of these things in mind when visiting colleges. Look into clubs, ask people how easy it is to join things, look at the residential communities, even notice how people interact walking around campus or in the dining halls.
(Former sorority girl from a school with little Greek Life response)
I don’t think sororities at heavily Greek schools are a good idea. (People will disagree, but as a former sorority member, a lot of what I see actually frightens me a bit). HOWEVER, at some schools, where no one cares if you’re in a sorority, they can be a good way to get to know some people. If you’re far from home, it’s nice to have a group and place you can connect with. A few schools have more non-conventional Greek houses that seem to have a lot of things going for them. I’d take a very “watch and observe” approach to rushing. Definitely don’t do it first semester. Get a feel for what they are about, and if you’re interested, get to know what each chapter is about before making any decisions.
I swear every few months, I come across an instagram post of like half the girls at my school hanging out with each other, and I’m just wondering, how are they all friends? And then I find out their parents all signed them up for sports, summer camp, etc.
Thank you