I’ve reached a breaking point. I had a lot of friends at the beginning of Freshman year, who would do everything together and always made plans. Eventually, that group dissolved… and I never really bounced back. I’ve had friends I would do things with, but never anything consistent, and I never got invited to go out with them anywhere. Now, not having a meal plan as a sophomore, it’s pretty difficult to convince anyone to come eat with me. Most of the interaction I get is with my roommates, cooking for them, etc., but even then we never go anywhere or do much together.
I’ve found it increasingly difficult to make new connections, especially since I am in an engineering major which is currently leaving me no free time to dedicate to any clubs. My support group at home is very small- basically just my family and my girlfriend at this point- and I’ve already caused them plenty of stress. I’ve tried joining some of the more selective groups on campus and got rejected, tried making plans but everyone is busy… I’ve just run out of strategies and energy, and every aspect of my life is being affected.
So, to summarize: how can a shut-in sophomore, with very little free time and who few people know outside of the classroom, make friends?
Do you ever invite your roommates to do anything or go anywhere? Do you study in places where other kids study and take breaks and converse intermittently? Making friends when you don’t have much time to do stuff makes an active social life difficult, and this is a reality of being in a demanding program.
Some people don’t have a lot of friends. People your age seem to have this almost college movie fantasy of what the college social life is supposed to look like. That isn’t realty, especially if you are super busy,shy, or “shut in”. You go to college to study and build the foundation of a career first, the social life is second. If you are unable to break out of your comfort zone and invite others to do things, then maybe relaxing about it and letting go of the fantasy of how it is supposed to be is a good option. Besides, you have a girlfriend, that’s a friend.
First, I want to say that my heart goes out to you. I’m sure it’s not easy. Also, I think it’s absolutely, positively imperative that you make time to join some activities/clubs. What do you like to do? Do you have a hobby? Do you have a religion? Find a group of people with similar interests and make the time. Even if it means getting less sleep or B+'s instead of A’s. If you are not enjoying college and connecting with others in a meaningful way, everything else will suffer. Also, take one hour out of your busy week and see a college counselor. It’s nice having someone you can count on to vent to and brainstorm with. If you name some things you enjoy doing then maybe we can give you some suggestions. Hang in there. This situation is fixable.