My D has recently turned 18. This, of course, means some changes! It’s an interesting change in family dynamics. There really haven’t been any conflicts, but it does bring up some what-ifs.
At her last doctor appointment, she did sign a form that will allow them to keep giving me her medical information, but it’s likely she won’t keep going to that doctor much longer since they work with kids and teens.
The medical question I now have is, what happens if she is hurt or sick and unable to make her own medical decisions? Will we, as her parents, still be the ones that can do that for her since we are next of kin, or does she need to fill out paperwork to designate us (like my elderly mother has)?
It depends. If she is unconscious and unable to communicate, usually they will call the next of kin…so have her put that info in whatever she carries with her at all times.
If not, she will have to sign a privacy form when she enters the ER, hospital or doctors office.
When my daughter had surgery 3000 miles away, she was very aware when admitted. We emailed her a lengthy list of people to put on that privacy form because we didn’t know who would get there and need to speak to the doctors. She was very agreeable to this!
We arranged for D to prepare health proxy and end of life directives through our lawyer. We have copies and there are copies on file with her school. It’s good to know exactly what’s supposed to happen should the worst occur.
Before the kids in my high school graduate, they attend a series of seminars on life as an adult. Two lawyers, and I tink an accountant, come in and give them the real facts of life.
On this particular topic, one thing they are really hammered with is this: every single adult NEEDS a health care proxy. You need to designate someone to make your decisions in the event that you are unable to make them on your own.
Don’t wait until college… you 18 year old son or daughter should have this done ASAP as should you and your spouse.
It’s easy, free, and takes no time at all. But it’s important.
Wow, @bjkmom, what a great idea for a school to do! I am pretty sure my spouse and I have these. It’s been a while since we did any of this sort of paperwork.
Free?
One question for the adults here. I went for a physical recently and they asked for an emergency contact, I listed my sister (my dad is not reliably available and my mom doesn’t drive), does that mean she would act as my healthcare proxy or would it still be my parents? I’ve never filled out any other paperwork on the subject.
No, they would just contact her if anything happened to you and dump the problem on her. It’s for their protection, but doesn’t confer rights on her. She’d need a proper medical proxy for healthcare providers, to make med choices for you.
@bjkmom, I’d love to see the list of topics for that session.
So, should the need for a medical proxy arise, who would be it?
No one. If she were in a life threatening situation, they would follow the letter of the law to keep her alive. But they would not be in position to offer to let her parents make quality of life decisions on her behalf. I believe they would have to go to court to get that permission.
The emergency contact simply gives them someone to notify in case something goes wrong or you need something-- your contacts, your insurance card, a ride home.
As to the list of topics, I’m so sorry… I deleted the memo this morning; my work email was getting crazy full. But it includes everything from basic banking (credit, ATM fees, checking account stuff…), to your basic rights under the law. I haven’t hit a session in several years, so my memory is kind of rusty. I’'ll ask around and see if someone still has it; this year’s sessions ended last week.
But when I went in for my mastectomy, I made SURE I had a health care proxy. I wasn’t afraid of dying, But I knew from school how vital it could be if something went wrong.
And, yes, it’s free, possibly aside from the cost of a notary public.
Search online for “Name of Your State” “Health care directive form” (or Health care proxy).
Not only should newly adult children set up a health care proxy, etc., so should their parents. Keep a copy of each form–easy enough to do, as easy as taking a picture of the completed form, so you have it on your phone.
In many states, if there is not such a person appointed, a court might appoint that person. You have no idea if that court-appointed person would make the decisions you would want made.
Most medical centers also have free forms they will give you to fill out for healthcare proxy and advanced care directives, just ask them. As was said, you can also search online for the forms but I think it’s best to use a form that the major medical center near you has created so they are able to seamlessly accept it without having to go thru their legal department durig any emergency.
Here is a general one from the American Bar Association (not valid in all states):
Great citation to helpful resource, @dadinator.
Thank you so much @dadinator! Printing now!
Nice that it lists which states do not accept it.
For those who are Catholic, I know that many dioceses have downloadable advanced care directive forms, which may be a bit different from the generic forms that can be found online.
Our neighbors, who have a S who has Multiple Sclorosis had him get forms from the hospital that they frequent and fill them out, for themselves and him.