D24 in a pickle because she can’t make up her mind between committing to a local (2 miles from campus) prestigious university with an incredible aid package, or farther away, to one of two significantly less competitive schools (and more expensive, even with their merit aid offers) as her only other options. In terms of her desired program of study as well as campus “vibes”, after her accepted student days she discovered she’d be happy with any of them. There was no “OMG, THIS is the only place for me”. Her only dilemma is that by staying local (she’ll still live on campus, but would be only two miles away), she’ll miss out on the excitement and discovery of a new location (which I agree and empathize with). Financials ARE a consideration, but not an absolute deal breaker. In terms of long-term career prospects, no question, the local university would have the superior name recognition, as well as better connections to internships and job opportunities, locally and globally. So, it comes down to the importance of that “moving away” component of college and the sense of establishing independence away from home. Have any of you / your DCs been in this situation and how did it work out? Any insights appreciated!
Apologies for not revealing the colleges, D24 is concerned about privacy but is okay with me posting with the names not revealed.
IMO, college if first and foremost about academics so for me, hands down it would be the close to home school. Can’t beat most cost effective and with the best name recognition.
I would set ground rules of no coming home until parents weekend and then prioritize arranging a study abroad experience. Plus internships can be done in different part of the country and many companies will be pay for housing.
A less expensive, more prestigious college environment that makes her happy seems like the better option. As you characterize it, it sounds like a place where she will meet people from all over. In addition, she can study abroad for at least a semester and that will give her the kinds of exposure you want.
Like the other poster mentioned, you can create boundaries where she is gaining the independence even if it isn’t in an entirely new setting. Sometimes that calculation works out better. She may hit the ground running a little faster because she is comfortable with her surrounding, and can take advantage of other opportunities (research, travel, clubs, etc.) more quickly.
I know a whole family who had many, many options, but chose to go to their local (prestigious) university for similar reasons as you have. One is now at an enviable job across the country from their home, another is about to enter graduate school on the opposite side of the country, the third is doing a summer internship far away, and the 4th is just finishing their first year.
Again, to echo the previous poster, the importance of “moving away” seems secondary at best to all of the advantages that the local school provides.
We were in this situation too. My S originally wanted to go far away and study in another country, but at the end his favorite school on the list (that he attends now) is 2 miles from home.
It really worked out fine. He lives in a dorm. We set an expectation that he wouldn’t come home at all for the first month or two, so he could settle in and be just another new student there.
At times over this year, it’s been really convenient that we are right here. It also helps smooth over the gaps in housing, when he’s transitioning to his off campus apartment, or short inconvenient breaks, etc.
They can always do study abroad, do internships, summer programs, many colleges also have semester programs at another college, and of course all too soon they’ll graduate and be off to some other new location too!
Not knowing the schools, I likely would go for the close one for both finances and academics. Below is one anecdote that may help.
After looking at colleges up and down the East Coast the acceptance that was the best fit for my S (best in major, best merit aid, excellent social fit) turned out to be only 20 minutes from home. We had many similar concerns – H and I actually sat down to discuss the situation with our S. We (parents) promised to treat him like he was hours not minutes away (ex. never pop by campus, never expect him home other than school holidays, etc.). In return S promised to not use being close to home as a crutch (ex. no dropping off laundry for mom).
For us it worked out wonderfully well. S had a happy and full campus life and explored the city in a new and different way as a student with his friends. We did see him once in a rare while during the school year when we all agreed in advance. And in a few cases being close to home was helpful (ex. when his laptop broke I drove to campus with his old one to use during the repair).
Anyway, this is just one person’s experience. But I for one would not turn down a great college option just because it is nearby.
The student can always do a program abroad or at another college to get a “further away” experience.
In general, I’d say that it’s more desirable to attend college away. However, for a very strong fit, which seemingly represents the case for your daughter, it might be preferable to choose a local university.
Will the student be “away” two miles away or living home or running home?
College is about growth - and most kids get homesick or have other trouble and being so close to home can be a crutch.
Money matters - so you have to take that into account- prestige or not. Which is affordable - or which do you want to afford?
I don’t know the names of the schools - but sometimes “Prestige” is overrated and for many majors, it won’t matter.
The main issue is what you called out - she’s so close to home.
Are you both strong enough to treat the close to home as the same as being far away - then it’s fine. If not and you can afford the delta, you might consider one of the others.
She will be able to do study abroad, or internships in the summer elsewhere. She doesn’t need to come home often, and you parents don’t need to be there often.
Does the close to home college participate in the National College Exchange whereby kids can study at a different college for a full year.
Now…having said all that…if you parents are able and willing to pay for any of her choices (a wonderful gift)…let her choose.
D20 compromised on location when she picked her school. She also was able to spend over 18 months elsewhere during her 4 years at college.
She spent an academic year abroad, and had an international internship as well as a funded summer international program during two different summers. Additionally, she spent a summer in a US city working a different internship.
Thee are lots of ways to experience new places while in college - and your daughter will meet new people at any school she attends.
Wishing her (and you) the best of luck with this decision.
No brainer to me–take the local better university with better academics. Living on campus seals the deal. Why in the world would you choose a lesser option? This is the rest of your kid’s life.
The problem is boundaries–kid shouldn’t be running home and parents need to remain hand’s off. But honestly those problems can arise no matter the distance.
As for “exploring new places” just consider the number of colleges set in small remote areas with nothing to explore anyway. Better to save your exploration for spots you really want to visit.
I live in a college town and my D22 did not apply to our local college but she didn’t think she could get in and didn’t want to be so close to home if she could.
That said we do know plenty of locals who do go to the local college (also very prestigious and well known and a great deal in in state tuition). Do you know any other local families who have been in this situation? Maybe you could ask them for their experiences.
I think in our case had d22 wanted to apply she would have had plenty of new experiences. She’s been to the same boba shops downtown that the college kids go to but she hasn’t been in the dorms or eaten in the dining halls or studied in the classrooms or the libraries. There’s definitely a different feel being on campus. I don’t know any locals who have had a problem going to our local college.
Perhaps it will help if you consider what the lifestyle of kids who go further away from home often ends up with- I know kids who call their mom’s-- literally- five times a day. They text with dad hourly. The are on multiple what’s app groups with siblings, hometown friends, requesting pictures of the family dog. They are home every other weekend for a nephews third birthday party, a cousins bridal shower, mom’s birthday dinner. They spend more time with their old life (on the phone, online, instagram) than the do with their real life.
I know I will sound ancient- but in my college dorm we spoke to our parents once a week. And for some of us- frankly- it was even too much!
I believe the distance is a non-issue. It’s all about attitude. Maybe a frank discussion with your D is in order? Lay out the expectations. She’ll be doing her laundry in the dorm laundry room. She’ll be coming home for official breaks. You will take her and her friends to dinner on Saturday night of Parent’s weekend. And you can’t wait to see her for Thanksgiving.
As a former international student (who moved oceans to attend a US uni), I can have some perspective versus attending local versus the “independence/out of local experience”. (I guess I can provide perspective on why the out of local might not be a great as it sounds after a few years).
a) yes it’s exciting at the beginning - for me, new country, new city, independence (literally, independence hall was a tourist spot since I went to Philly haha).
b) it will “wear off” after a few months/years, esp when you get busy with school - then the focus shifts to the task(S) on hand – in my case, employment since I was on student visa then and needing a company to sponsor me (might be diff for your DS)
c) you can “be independent” and seek new stuff in your “spare time” - go on an adventure during summer or what not (and it will be cheaper since you will be attending a local uni and then just spend the extra $ to travel) - at least that’s what I will do
d) you state that the academic experience will be better in the local university – for me, as echoed by some CC people here, that is the most important reason to attend university – granted I was really close to academia prior to me entering university, and even TA’d and taught part time after university… but that’s a bias that you guys might have too ︎
Based on the schools in question, the local university is fine due to the much larger student body and due to the superior financial aid offer.
Additionally, since your user name indicates your location, your daughter will see her city in a new light when exploring it with other college students. In fact, it is hard to think of a better US city in which to attend college.
Mine chose this. The flip side is that she has money to travel with friends for fun and a comfortable budget for a semester abroad. We give her space and although she enjoys (as do we) joining us for things like family birthday dinners, she might as well be far away.
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