Several years ago as my youngest was in the final stretch of high school and the empty nest was looming, I was exploring hobbies for myself. I started with a list of things I enjoyed in my younger years and a list of things I always wanted to try. Some things “stuck” (running/yoga) and some just didn’t (tennis/knitting), so it took awhile.
H is an extrovert, but he is also somewhat shy. I’m somewhere in between an introvert and extrovert but I am the type who will simply show up to meet a group even if I don’t know anyone else. H won’t do that. And he doesn’t enjoy anything that involves meetings. When we joined a church a few decades ago, he didn’t really engage for a long time. What worked was getting him to be a grillmaster at the annual church cookout and participating in parish workdays where he could “do something” and put his skills to work. That was how he met people and felt more comfortable. There/is no way he would just go to an Outreach meeting or a Men’s Bible study or anything like that. Sometimes you have to work within a person’s comfort zone.
I’m the husband here. I have a lot of things I enjoy doing but am not retired so I’m looking forward to the day I can do things without stressing myself out. It will probably be 5-8 years before I can retire. I’m 61. I enjoy road cycling, homebrewing, reading, cooking (I do most of the menu planning shopping and cooking at our house), I starting playing the violin again after 40 years and found a novice strings orchestra to play in. I continue doing the yard maintenance (cutting the lawn etc.) not because I enjoy but because I can count it as exercise. I look forward to easing into my days then being able to enjoy my hobbies instead of trying to fit them in. I hope to get a part time job perhaps working in a wine shop. After I retire I could see volunteering with the Boy Scouts again ( I had two daughters and I was a scout so I volunteered with a troop for a few years.) I’d also do more at our church. I’d like to get an RV and camp as I currently am tent camping and would like AC on hot days. There are so many places I have yet to visit. There are a number of places to see orchestras, plays, ballet, etc in our area that are not expensive. I could getting season tickets to some of them when they reopen. I would also look into taking on some projects. Our basement is unfinished and I could see learning how to finish at least part of it myself. I’ve never wanted to take that on because of the time commitment and lack of skills. If I had time to learn it would be fun. There is an old bike in the shed that I could refurbish.
I have never defined myself by my job. I mostly saw it as a means to an end. I am definitely not one of those that loves what I am doing so I won’t work a day in my life. I don’t hate it but am looking forward to not having to do it. I wish your husband luck in finding a motivation. The things I mentioned above are my motivations. Perhaps there are things in there that might interest him.
^^^ All true @FallGirl ! I did the same as you - equipped myself ahead of time with interests and plans.
H is not a joiner. Never has been. His world was largely work (and often overtime), our kids/sports, our cottage spring to fall. He is now retired (except for his ebay work), the kids are grown (one in town we see fairly often) and our cottage is currently off the table because it’s over the border and we can’t go!
I did a little talking to him last night and asked if he would mind if I asked for some help with some outside tasks. He was receptive at least for the moment. I am going to REALLY try to draw him in more, to engage more and recognize some movement forward. I’m going to research a couple of things so I have good info at hand to suggest to him. We’ll see where it goes!
Another vote for training a service dog. My sister-in-law has been doing this for years. It all started with my animal-loving niece who used this for her high school volunteer hours!
My DH retired a few months early due to the end of a contract. His main hobbies are riding his bike, watching sports and playing online card games (not for money). He also loves to cook, but as a hobby not as a day-to-day requirement. He is doing most of the cooking these days but often leaves a rather extensive mess for others to clean up.
He is having some physical issues which make walking difficult and very frustrating to us both. One of the things we were looking forward to in retirement was traveling and I am worried about what that is going to look like if he has limited mobility. At the moment, however, not an issue since there is no traveling.
He had some ideas about what he wanted to do in retirement, some of which were unrealistic due to his age and physical challenges. He has a few friends in the area, but certainly Covid makes getting together harder. He talks about a part-time job but not really doing much to find one (again, Covid makes that tough).
At the moment, he has some painting to do in the house and some other repair chores. But I find myself resenting the fact that he is not really taking on more of the day-to-day house chores without me specifically asking him to do something like vacuum or clean the bathroom as I am out the door to work (I am back at the office a couple of days per week and WFH otherwise). I also don’t want to clean up after an elaborate meal after working all day and into the evening and trying to exercise but he seems to think if he cooks we should do dishes. It has now been two months and I would like him to get most of the housework done so we can enjoy our weekends (OK so I can enjoy my weekends for the first time ever!) without having to clean the house. However, I also don’t want to be a nag!
I am going to REALLY try to draw him in more, to engage more and recognize some movement forward. I’m going to research a couple of things so I have good info at hand to suggest to him. We’ll see where it goes!