This makes me think of childless people who see a kid having a meltdown in a store and think to themselves that there must have been some terrible parenting involved and that they would never have a child do that. Or the parents who think they’ve got the parenting thing down pat because their first child or two are model kids, and then end up getting totally different outcomes with their next kid even if their parenting style/expectations haven’t changed.
I think we see certain outcomes and think, of course the parents played a major part in this. But I’m not sure if parental expectations/practices are necessarily the leading cause for what we’re seeing with this particular group. (I suspect it’s a factor for some of what’s going on, but how much of a factor is an unknown, IMO.)
For instance, let’s take an example of a kid who’s not doing all their homework to a high standard or who isn’t acing all of their tests. Family offers help, which is rejected. Family takes away electronics. Family insists on providing help and the kid moves towards self-harm. Apart from seeking support from mental health professionals for the kid (including neuropsych evals, etc), is the family supposed to keep prioritizing academics when it’s leading to extraordinary levels of stress/frustration for the kid? Is the kid to be permanently cut off from any socialization opportunities, or electronics, or other “extras” until there is higher performance? Or does the family step back and just try and find balance and a level of improvement and “good enough” to maintain the kid’s health?
I know of multiple examples of families with a kid like the one I just described, and of nearly all of the examples I know, the kid was male. I could see kids like this struggling as an adult. If situations like this are an issue with the parenting, what would posters be recommending that the parents do that they’re not doing?