Most of the families we know do have strong father figures (sometimes divorce situation, but with joint custody). And subset of the kids, more male than female, still did flounder. One was our daughter, but phew… only a few years.
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My son attended an all boys middle school. They allowed boys to sit at the desk, on the desk, under the desk, etc. They also had two separate periods for sports. They said that without that the boys would be too restless in class.
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@seal16, my son listens to audiobooks at 5 times actual speed (at that speed, I can’t even make out words). He is dyslexic and has perfect recall from listening. We started buying audible books as soon as audible started and have a library of several thousand books, I believe. I don’t know if he reads a book a day, but he reads lots of books.
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Like probably many others in this thread, I’ve heard that ADHD is over diagnosed and over prescribed for boys. The root cause may be that the elementary school environment is more appropriate for female students, especially if outdoors recess is shortened or eliminated. That a big issue that really isn’t being addressed other than lip service.
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On the other hand, from the time he was in kindergarten, I thought my middle kid had ADHD. They finally agreed to evaluate him. In 6th grade, a counselor decided he didn’t have it. Flash forward to high school, when he was really struggling. We took him to a psychiatrist who said he had an extreme case of ADHD! He went on meds and did so much better. As a 29-year-old, he still takes meds and is functioning really well. He’s a manager! I never would have expected that.
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That’s great! There are always exceptions, I suppose.
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For sure. This psychiatrist has seen both my sons. He is very conservative. On his website, he writes that too many teenagers are diagnosed with bipolar disorder because they’re “moody” and that’s not right. But he DID diagnose my middle son with the illness. It made it tricky to treat ADHD because the usual med is a stimulant that can trigger mania. It was a rollercoaster!
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Sitting still and not disrupting a class is a skill that can be practiced and learned.
It drives me nuts to see kids out in public acting a fool.
We never had to deal with that because our kids knew there were repercussions for bad behavior and we dealt with that early before we let the kids out in public.
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Ha, our kids knew that if they acted up in public, their dad would take them outside for a LONG lecture! That was a pretty good incentive for them to behave! DH can be long-winded, bless him.
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Often people think ADHD kids are just being rambunctious, and a little fidgety and it’s being over diagnosed, and is nothing serious. I’ve even had teachers roll their eyes upon receiving an IEP or 504 for an ADHD kid. On this board I’ve seen many comments suggesting kids are using ADHD diagnosis to game the system and get extra time on tests.
It shows a lack of understanding of how ADHD symptoms present. Kids can have a time blindness that is astounding. They can be completely overwhelmed by their environment due to lack of selective focus. They can forget to do things within minutes or seconds of intending to start a task. The noise in their heads can be deafening. The energy it takes to get through the day is so exhausting that kids can become severely depressed.
S24 was diagnosed with severe ADHD (inattentive type) in 4th grade. Since he was gifted academically, we decided to hold off on medication. He was able to hang in till 10th grade, but at a great mental and physical cost. When he finally started medication his quality of life improved dramatically. I still feel guilty I let my non-medical opinions affect my judgement on how to treat his ADHD.
Even now he faces skepticism from relatives, peers, teachers about ADHD. And I really feel for the parents of young kids who deal with judgemental comments and looks when they decide on medication.
Is it over diagnosed? Probably. But for the kids who have ADHD, treatment is life changing.
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I still feel guilty I didn’t push harder to get my son help sooner. I should have gone with my gut instinct. He still mentions how hard it was on him.
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It is one of the reasons I always try to speak up now.
ADHD can be so devastating and rob kids of their childhood.
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From an earlier thread; click to read the entire post.
Thank you!
With my D, we all missed the diagnosis, in large part because she was so smart and never caused problems. For her, just having a diagnosis was life changing. She couldn’t understand why she was incapable of doing things that other kids could easily do. She didn’t want to fail her classes because she forgot homework. In fact, she didn’t want to fall asleep in class, but her ADHD was so intense it stretched into narcolepsy, and when a class was not interesting, she fell asleep. (Try explaining THAT to a teacher!) When we added medication, wow was that a game changer. Turns out being awake and engaged can really help academic performance.
For my youngest S, I had a gut instinct he had the same issues. But everyone kept telling me, that he was so focused at school and doing great. Spoiler alert … he was just really well trained. He never caused any problems. And he is fantastic at making eye contact and nodding while in a very different world in his head. We finally caught it when he took his high school entrance exam and his reading comprehension score was wildly off of where we all thought it would be. He went on the meds and as an experiement we didn’t tell his teachers … well they could tell immediately. His English teacher said that he seems so much happier because he knows what is going on all day in the classroom and he’s rememebring to turn in assignments. Getting yelled at for missing work is exhausting!
For both of these kids, they aren’t bouncing off the walls, although they do enjoy a good fidget activity. My D likes to knit during math classes, for example. And my youngest S is a big cuber. Their issue tends to be hyperfocus. So, the good news for them is, while this is often a problem in school. When they get to the job portion of life, they are going to knock it out of the park (if they find a job in an area of interest). They both like computer science, for example, because that plays to their strengths in puzzle-solving and hyperfocus.
And they face stigma because people think ADHD is made up or they should be able to muscle their way through it. My S#2 is at an age where kids aren’t really talking about it. But my D is college is a proud disability advocate and speaks about her condition freely.
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This is exactly what I’m actually talking about. Any time a parent asks for their kids ADHD to be taken seriously, they are presented with a story where all it took was a change of scenery and more creative adults to help the boys thrive.
ADHD does not go away with a change in environment. It gets worse and debilitating without treatment. I’m glad that the kid thrived, but that is not relevant to a kid who is struggling with ADHD.
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It’s so much harder for girls to get diagnosed!
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I am frustrated with a coworker who will not get her daughter evaluated. As the parent of a daughter with ADHD-C, her daughter’s symptoms are obviously ADHD. Her brother has already been diagnosed. But my coworker considers her behavior normal because “that’s how my mom and I were.” Yeah, because you both probably have ADHD!
Meanwhile, the poor girl keeps getting detention because she rocks on her chair, doesn’t complete homework, and is emotionally dysregulated to the point where she just screams in frustration when she doesn’t understand class assignments and must be sent into the hallway to calm down. She is suffering. I just don’t understand why my coworker won’t help her child.
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Accuracy in diagnosis is key.
Misdiagnosis is a real problem too. Parents need to be responsible.
One of my psychiatrist friends says, “Ritalin is a great drug for those that it is a great drug for.” After being diagnosed as AHHD, ShawD (not a male, but OK as an example of the point) watched one half of a documentary film on epigenetics, took Ritalin and watched the second half and said, “It was almost like I was watching two films. I got so much more out of the 2nd half. I need to start taking this immediately.” On the other hand, Ritalin made ShawSon angry. Adderall was better, though it made him a little OCD.
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My son was (mis)diagnosed with ADHD the hyperactive type as a young elementary school student. He was just completely unable to sit still and had to touch absolutely everything in every room.
We tried Ritalin when he was 6 or 7 and after the first dose he dug a hole in the backyard for hours and he cried when we made him come inside. It scared me so much I took him to a different psychiatrist who told us he had a high IQ and needed more exercise and harder academic work. It wasn’t always a walk in the park, but by middle school he was a hyperactive rock climber and excellent student. And he still touches everything in every room. 
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