Oh, boy.
You can play sports and be a good person. You can encourage sports and not be “that dad.” Here’s one – you can value sports AND academics. All these things are not mutually exclusive.
“I am large, I contain multitudes.”
– Walt Whitman
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Absolutely. I have nothing against athletes. In high school I was a 3 sport varsity athlete. I was chosen to be captain. I was a 2 sport athlete in college. I’ve enjoyed sports as an adult. All this AND I think our society over-values sports. Sportiness is not next to godliness, but I think you would have a hard time convincing some people of that.
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I agree.
An example I have is from my youngest child. See in our HS they hype up any sports letter of intent signings with a ceremony and pictures etc. This can be for D1, D2, D3 and I know that many of the scholarships were partials. Two years ago when my child received a full-ride(all expenses paid) to a college that is a D1 school nothing was done for her.
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Yeah, people complain about “participation trophies” being given to athletes who didn’t even win, that it makes kids soft. But I’ll note that whole subsets of kids are never given trophies of any type. What they do is not seen as valuable.
Maybe this is especially true for boys? I think of my D25 who doesn’t participate in anything where you can win awards, but at least she gets a lot of positive feedback in other ways (the kids she babysits all pretty much worship her.) Maybe young men aren’t getting enough experiences in their lives where they are made to feel that they matter even if they are not the big men on campus.
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The athletics piece is an interesting one. I believe one of the main reasons my boys aren’t struggling was their participation in their respective sports. Not only did it keep them healthy, active and fit, but it also taught them how to function in a team environment. Additionally, time management skills became a necessity the further along they progressed. They had no choice if they wanted to succeed academically.
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That’s great when it works like that. That’s how it should work. Unfortunately a lot of parents I have seen place too much emphasis on sports to the detriment of academics ( especially for their sons). I saw that a lot in my daughter’s high school. The school administration also over emphasized certain sports.
My son attended a public magnet school. The school offered sports of all types ( as well as many other activities) but the emphasis was different. Academics came first. And yes there were kids there who were good enough to get recruited in college sports. The kids managed to balance it.
I agree that sports can be a positive activity for some kids. But so can other activities such as the arts, publications, academic teams, student government, volunteering, scouts, etc. And all of those activities offer leadership opportunities.
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I agree too much emphasis is placed in sport. My son is now 30 and luckily is a productive adult but in high school was in a winning quiz bowl team, won several state math contests, won the state stock market game, was a national merit scholar, was in fbla ect but was a klutz and sucked at sport. At his high school he was never recognize for anything and was considered a nobody. He ended up switching schools but not everyone can do this.
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Yes, S was also in a sport plus a few academic ECs and a NMF. He was also a non-entity. Fortunately he got into a college he desired with merit 1/2 tuition+ scholarship and has been fine anyway. The HS had awards assemblies and pep rallies but not much recognition outside of football.
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Teams from my sons’ school were regular national Quiz Bowl winners and were greatly celebrated. People would watch the contests online. The team would host a fund-raiser at lunch – kids vs. teachers Quiz Bowl – and everyone showed. I know that’s not everyone’s experience but neither is the smart nerd shoved in lockers with athletes taking all the oxygen out of the room.
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S wasn’t bullied but he was never recognized for persevering in spite of documented medical challenges that caused him to miss about 1/2 his SR year but still graduate as a NMF, and having gotten 5s plus 2 4s in like 14 AP exams.
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It sounds like people agree that lots of folks do things that could (and even should) be recognized, but they aren’t. Maybe we should focus more on establishing systems to recognize people more broadly, as there already are more established systems for sports and such.
And no, I’m not suggesting the everyone gets a trophy mentality. But recognizing people who win (whether quiz bowl, essay contest, robotics, whatever). Recognizing peole who have served at least X number of community service hours. The people who are “caught” being good by always shoveling their elderly neighbor’s driveway for free or preparing dinner, and watching their 3 younger siblings every evening while their family works to make ends meet.
So many people do wonderful things, and by recognizing them, it shows everyone that a multitude of things are valued, particularly acts of kindness.
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Ironically, my younger son never played a single second on a high school team. He was never recognized for athletics at school, nor did he care. On the college “signing” day he chose not to attend because he thought the ceremony was silly.
Maybe it’s just me, but I sometimes wonder if the incessant focus on our own kids makes it very difficult to understand what other kids might be going through.
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NPR was covering this the other day, but I came in partway and thus missed the attribution/identity of the person being interviewed.
Regardless, the interesting thesis was that part of this problem (single males not launching well) is over the past 50 years, we’ve stopped investing in common space. We used to build libraries, meeting spaces, swimming pools, parks, bike paths, pavillions for the use of the whole community, for community gathering. And adults were expected to volunteer, attend a church/synagogue, etc. We tell singles to get out and meet people, but where do they do thatonce they leave higher ed? Not sure it is a flawless argument, but it made me think.
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This is the Bowling Alone theory, which I think is an excellent one. But, there are lots of places still building community spaces, my city is chock full of them. I’m not sure it’s a problem that can be fixed by more investment.
I do think though that something is lost when we don’t have expectations of contributing and participating in community life, whether that’s though religious participation, bowling leagues, the moose lodge, or participating in a local band or theatre. There’s value in being expected to show up on Sundays, or volunteer for the food bank, or just to meet the guys for fishing on Saturdays, or golf on Friday afternoons. Time spent with friends is lower than it’s ever been and while women will suffer because of this as well, maybe it hits men even harder.
There is a bar in my town where retired men gather every morning for coffee. These are happy guys who share their lives with each other, I think younger men are often missing out on these opportunities for connection.
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None of my children excelled in sports. They played for fun in grade school, and were on no teams in high school. So my ‘criticism’ is obviously one-sided. They did engage in other academic-style competitive teams and cooperative (theatre + ) endeavors.
What I found about such an emphasis on sports, seems to have migrated to adulthood. While you learn to work together (on some team sports), it is also a very “US vs THEM” mindset. Competition and winning is everything. Could this continued attitude be adding to the current political divisions? Everything becomes a win/lose game?
(Maybe a topic for the political forum)
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I saw this on line today. Sports are great extracurricular activities, but planning on a sport for a college scholarship or a career is a long shot. My observations is that a lot of parents still think that their child (especially sons) are “the exception”.
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Yes most of my work family think their kid will be the one to breakthrough and make it or at least get a full sport scholarship. Many of them are lost when it doesn’t happen.
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I have a sibling who has declared his grandson was “going to be a professional athlete in a certain sport” since the child was 7! I kid you not. The child is now in high school, has zero interest in academics, is obnoxious and entitled. He is playing the sport, but this is in a small town (big fish/small pond).
I do not think this will end well.
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Our S had always set his sights on trying his best to get a merit academic scholarship. We were very fortunate that he was able to do so and it really made a difference in the cost of his education. The scholarship was 50%+ of his college tuition for 4 years. We never had much though or hope of any sports scholarship and both kids dropped out of sports in middle school due to chronic health issues.
His HS had significantly over 20 NMFs the year he graduated from HS. Many of them went to the same U as him and enjoyed the hefty merit award that made their educations much more affordable.
Far fewer of their classmates were offered any significant athletic scholarship or even admissions.
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