I started a reply to @gouf78 but then @FallGirl wrote a wonderful post, sharing her experiences…as a child and then as a parent. So I’ll just say I believe FallGirl’s experience is probably more typical…while also acknowledging it has been and continues to change.
I lived in the Clear Lake area off NASA Rd 1 in the mid-80s. The school district was ahead of its time.Their approach to learning (with concept mapping and experiential discovery learning) was something special. From my experience Clear Lake was not a “typical” school environment, even within the greater Houston area. Other school districts try to emulate successful teaching strategies but socio-economic differences often contribute to different outcomes.
I believe competitive desire is present in both men and women, but are often expressed and received differently.
Men under 35 don’t have a monopoly on being stifled. Tonight’s NCAA women’s basketball game is an example where Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese are speaking up and addressing the criticism about their trash-talking.
Let the two women compete, be aggressive and passionate about their team…about their sport. One will win, the other will lose…that’s why fans watch the game. Don’t stifle their desire for the game.
By the time I was a senior in high school, Title IX had been law for 17 years, and where I was it was still resented. The common wisdom was that it was a “top down” law, and only served to drain resources from the real sports (the boys’ sports of course!) People took it as a given that girls weren’t truly interested in sports and intrinsically lacked competitive drive. I was also repeatedly told that I better not act too competitive, because boys and men didn’t like that, and that it would drive away any potential dates.
Oh, the things about gender I got told growing up!
I guess I was lucky - I was encouraged to do whatever I wanted. I was started on the advanced math track in 8th grade. Two of my high school math teachers were women with PhDs. I won the science fair when I was a freshman. And I was as competitive as they come - one semester I was thoroughly annoyed because I got five 100s and one 99 - the history teacher didn’t believe in giving 100s.
I was fortunate that my dad was an engineering professor. It was a weird experience growing up, though, because the fundamentalist church I was raised in definitely preached that women should stay at home. Dad never told me that, though, and at a party for his grad students when I was in high school, he told them he hoped I’d be the next engineer in the family.
I had two best friends in high school who were both in my wedding. One got her Bachelor’s degree in industrial engineering and then an MBA. The other got her Bachelor’s degree in math and a PhD in history.
I did take typing in 9th grade. Thank goodness, because speed typing has served me well.
I definitely got mixed messages. Mom and dad wanted me to be a teacher or something “feminine.” and not law like dad. Fortunately we had a guest speaker in one of my sociology classes—a female lawyer and I decided she was feminine enough and law would be fine for me.
Law school in the late 70s/early 80s had lots of women. Now, even more! It can be a fine field for anyone interested.
I think many of the awesome women on this thread were born at a different time. Our girls have never heard nasty things about title 9, been told they couldn’t be on student council, or be an engineer. Frankly, I was born in the mid 70s and I never heard those things either.
I’m very happy for you. However as a former public school teacher I wish that kind of “luck” wasn’t such a large factor in the life of an individual. I wish more people didn’t see non-traditional choices as some kind of threat to society or as an attack on their personal, traditional values.
I have a son and a daughter. I think both genders benefit from discipline, structure, clear cut boundaries, competition - both physical and mental, and relationships with their fathers or father figures. I also believe it starts in the home.
My SisIL (born in 1938) was one of only 4 female dentists in her class. My Aunt who recently died in her late 80s was one of the only female MDs in her med school class. Both had a much rougher time than I feel I did.
I’ve been in and out of this thread reading since it started.
The one thing that comes to mind is that for males - but also for ANY gender - we would do well as a society - parents included - to focus less on worrying about IQ and performance and more on EQ - Emotional Intelligence and building relationships with others.
I was told to play the flute, not the drums. we had to change for recess if we had on a skirt, and wearing pants to church was forbidden. I was discouraged (by teachers) from certain career paths and as one of the better math students, learned to hide my tests when they were handed out bc the boys were encouraged to try and beat my score.
Once had a teacher have all the girls who weren’t going to a middle school dance to raise their hands so the boys could see who was available! (This is a fav story bc my reserved and polite Mom heard about this and made her one and only appearance at my principal’s office, completely irate)
When we were touring private HS when my D was in middle school (early 2010s), we had a teacher at an all girls school tell my D that they didn’t offer Physics C because “girls don’t like math and physics”. Needless to say, she didn’t pick that school. She also had male lab partners that didn’t “trust” her math/work until she proved them wrong. She’s also been in situations at work where she is the only woman in the room although thankfully she feels like she’s been treated like any other team member.
This. I changed careers entirely after 5 years in one that did not suit me at all. I was told it was a “good career for a woman” - translation: lots of work but low pay and lack of advancement.
Things have changed a lot since the 1970’s when I was in HS and college. I think we still have a way to go.
Fewer men attend college. Those that do attend are more likely to drop or fail out. Male participation in the workforce for prime working age ( usu. 25-55) is at a historic low in the US.
Thank goodness, because speed typing has served me well.