Many Teens Ignoring Parents' Facebook Friend Requests

Parents Forum
1

<p>According to Kaplan Test Prep’s latest survey* on social networking trends and practices among today’s teens, 35% of teens whose parents are on Facebook report that they are actually not online friends with them. Of that group, 38% say the reason they are not friends is because they’ve ignored mom or dad’s friend request. But even as some teens ignore their parents’ friend requests, 82% say that mom and dad are either “very involved” (44%) or “somewhat involved” (38%) in their academic lives.</p>

<p>“Although for generations high school students have come to accept and even embrace their parents’ involvement in their academic work and the college admissions process, Facebook continues to be the new frontier in the ever evolving relationship between parent and child,” said Kristen Campbell, executive director, college prep programs, Kaplan Test Prep. “When a teen ignores a parent’s friend request, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are hiding something, but it could mean that this is one particular part of their life where they want to exert their independence. Alternatively, some parents and their children may actually mutually decide to keep their Facebook lives private from one another.”</p>

<p>Other key Kaplan Test Prep survey results:</p>

<pre><code>* 16% of teens who are friends with their parents on Facebook report that being friends with them was a pre-condition for being allowed to create their own profile.

  • 38% say that if their parents were able to see their progress in their SAT or ACT prep classes – just like they track their progress in school – that they would have put more effort in.
    </code></pre>

<p>A separate May 2010 Kaplan Test Prep survey of 973 high school students reported that of teens who said their parents were on Facebook, a much higher percentage (56%) provided their parents with full profile access – status updates, party photos and all – than with no access at all (34%). Only 9% of teens gave their parents limited access.</p>

<p>*The survey was conducted by e-mail of 2,313 Kaplan Test Prep students who took the SAT and/or ACT between June 2010 and December 2010.</p>

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<p>This inspires me to imagine some of the interesting conversations between the parent who wants to be a friend and the child who won’t allow it. Something like:</p>

<p>Mom: Hey, when are you going to respond to my Facebook Friend request?</p>

<p>Son: What’s for dinner?</p>

<p>How many of you CC parents have had your friend request ignored? If so, why do you think you’re being ignored? Did you ask about it?</p>

2

<p>My son actually bugged me to set up a Facebook account. I think he regrets accepting a friend request from my SIL, his aunt, however. She always makes obnoxious comments to his posts (she thinks she’s being funny).</p>

<p>I notice less activity on FB by him and his friends. I think they mostly have offline chat sessions with the new ‘groups’ function or communicate by messaging rather than posting everything to their walls.</p>

3

<p>I joined FB & then my two college grad children friended me. </p>

<p>The younger two (both in college) told me right up front they would not be FB friends with me, so I did not bother to ask them to be my FB friend! So at least they were honest with me. They were shocked & dismayed that I joined FB actually. Tough! :)</p>

4

<p>S was told he must friend us and not restrict access. We never comment on his posts online but have talked to him IRL a couple of times about what we thought were inappropriate posts and asked him to remove them. It works for us. I get a glimpse into what is going on and he forgets we are there.</p>

5

<p>I told my kids they didn’t need to friend me. I also told them they didn’t have to have a computer. So they friended me.</p>

<p>I also told my daughter that there just can’t be 1000 people with a greater need to know about her life than me.</p>

<p>

This is what I generally do, too. I promised my D I wouldn’t post on her wall. My son, who is now in college, doesn’t seem to mind if I occasionally post there.</p>

6

<p>I think everyone’s situation is unique. My Daughter set up my FB account, and was my first “friend”. But after a month or so, I told her to take me off because I realized I was too curious about what was going on with her life and her friends. </p>

<p>I tried to put myself in her shoes at that same age, and knew there was no way I would have wanted my parents knowing everything I said and what my friends said. Sarcasm and inside jokes just don’t translate well to the internet, and stupid assumptions can be made.</p>

<p>I figure our relationship is such that she will friend me again in a few years. I can wait.</p>

7

<p>Until my daughter turned 18, had full access to her facebook account. My opinion on this is that teens do not have a clear understanding of the long term implications of something posted on the web. You can delete a post or a photo, but that only makes it gone from your view, it is still out there somewhere and accessible to others. I monitored my daughter’s facebook account vigilantly for years, pointing out to her questionable posts and photos on her friends pages. I wanted her to be perfectly clear on what was exceptable and what was not. She is a senior in high school now and we are facebook friends, but I no longer have the password to her account. I don’t comment on her wall, but occasionly will “Like” something. She is also facebook friends with aunts, uncles and several of my friends.</p>

8

<p>I was on FB long before my kids were. D1 was on myspace (and I created a profile & made her friend me there; she was only 13) and I kept telling her that FB was much better. She finally listened.</p>

<p>Both my kids are friends with me along with my Dh, their aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents & friends’ parents as well. For us, having relo’d 950 miles away from where they grew up, it’s also a way to still feel part of the extended family.</p>

<p>DH & I rarely post on their walls. I also refuse to “friend” anybody under a younger age, but I will accept their friend requests if they ask. So I am friends with quite a few of their friends, as well as some girl scouts from our old area. </p>

<p>Much like mamom said it’s a glimpse into what’s going on in their life. Now that D1 is in college, as long as I can see that she’s done something on FB within the past day or two, it stops me from worrying if she’s OK and I don’t feel the need to call or text.</p>

9

<p>We have an agreement: I don’t ask to friend them, and they will spare me the “pain” of rejection. S2 says he prefers to keep in touch with the adults in his life via other means, so he doesn’t accept aunts/uncles either. OK by me.</p>

<p>Sometimes they show me stuff on their FB pages anyway.</p>

10

<p>BTW, I don’t like the new profile, which has now (apparently) been forced upon me.</p>

11

<p>Be aware that just because you are your child’s friend, that does not mean that you can see all their posts or pictures. Every item on Facebook can be made accessible to “All friends except X and Y.”</p>

12

<p>I am friends with one of my three kids on FB. I’ve seen my other kids walls however, either through them inadvertently leaving them up on the main family computer or from one of the siblings showing me the others account. There is never anything shocking and none of them are daily posters so I am frankly sad that the two others won’t allow me that small look at their lives. As Hunt said, I am sure that none of their FB friends care half as much about them as I do. None of my kids are that great about keeping in touch and I know that I’ve found FB a painless way to keep in touch with my own friends without constant phone calls or e-mails.</p>

13

<p>I just recently got the green light from Ds to make a facebook and friend them both. They had seen more and more friends who had their parents listed. Some of their friends’ parents had friend requested them. So I guess it seemed less and less weird to them to have me on there too. They have been showing me all their pictures for years, so I am pretty sure I have full access.</p>

14

<p>My nieces and nephews seem to have no issues about friending me (though I don’t ask to friend them, and I usually PM them and say “are you sure you want to do that?”).</p>

15

<p>I’m in that group mentioned above of people who want a separate FB life from their kids. I didn’t ask to be friends, don’t want to be friends. I told them they didn’t have to friend any aunts, uncles, grandmother, etc., but they do. Knowing their grandmother is looking gives me comfort that they won’t post anything too stupid, but I don’t feel like I need to watch over them myself. :slight_smile: BTW, I haven’t friended my MIL, even though the kids have.</p>

<p>Just a few months ago, I accepted a friend request from a HS friend of my sons. I sat on it for months, because I really didn’t want to open that door, but ultimately I accepted it.</p>

16

<p>My son was happy to friend his grandfather, and vaguely amused when Grandpa sent him an irate email complaining about his tattoo…except that the tat was on the arm of the guy NEXT to my son in the photo. :)</p>

17

<p>I think if you only trust your kid to be on FB with you observing, then I think your kid is probably too young/immature to be on FB.</p>

<p>My kids have flown alone to other parts of the world as young teens. They have been taking the bus for years. They hold jobs. I think they can (and do) handle FB perfectly fine. </p>

<p>Just like I don’t go with my kids and their friends to the mall, the fair, the library, I also don’t have to be along with them and their friends on Facebook. Just like I don’t sit outside the rec room eve’s dropping on their conversations, I have no need to do so virtually either. They’ve exhibited good judgment in other facets of their lives, and FB is not special. Maybe when they were 11 or 12, I would have thought differently. </p>

<p>Every kid is different. But I do not think being on FB is a necessity either.</p>

18

<p>Facebook is a compromise for us. I would prefer a weekly phone call, PMKjr would prefer to just text (in fairness I will say he barely talks to anyone on the phone.) So, we text and he’s good about updating his facebook page a few times a week with pictures and brief notes. </p>

<p>Of course, he may be putting up a lot more on facebook that we cannot see but I’m not looking to police his facebook page, just looking to keep up with him on a more regular basis.</p>

<p>So far, so good.</p>

19

<p>I never considered trying to friend my S–and he wouldn’t have accepted me anyway. The only reason I’m even on FB is to make sure his security is set high enough that I can’t see anything. I don’t want any friends because I don’t intend to put anything on my wall, and I set it up so I don’t appear on searches. </p>

<p>What’s really creepy to me is the way the People You May Know section includes members of a choral group I was in years ago where I used to live. Jamie Andreas has also been on there, and I stopped getting her guitar newsletter years ago. How the hell do they do that?</p>

20

<p>On the subject of FB friend requests, keep in mind that some users use the “friend finder” app which simply sends a friend request to everyone in their address book. When I get an unusual friend request (ie from a client or a friend of my children), I chalk it up to that- and I have no problem ignoring it.</p>