<p>I’m not a parents but I came across this article and its subject was interesting. However, I naively assumed that parents would have a more mature discussion on this matter.</p>
<p>[Poll:</a> 4 in 10 Say Marriage Becoming Obsolete](<a href=“News, Politics, Sports, Mail & Latest Headlines - AOL.com”>News, Politics, Sports, Mail & Latest Headlines - AOL.com)</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s becoming obsolete, but I have noticed a trend for many couples to only consider marriage if they’re planning to start a family.</p>
<p>More and more, it seems as though couples who are too young or too old for parenthood – or who simply don’t want to become parents – will stay together (often, living together) for years or even decades without getting married.</p>
<p>And sometimes, couples who have been together for years will suddenly announce their intention to marry because they have reached the point in their lives where they want to have a family. Isn’t this what just happened with Prince William and Kate Middleton? They’re pushing 30. They want kids – and they want to have them with each other. All of a sudden, they have a motivation for marriage that they never had before. </p>
<p>Perhaps there will be a new definition of marriage: the legal structure within which people raise children.</p>
<p>^^^^I agree. I think marriage may indeed be happening less often than ever before. That doesn’t mean that it has become obsolete.</p>
<p>I think some of this is regional, as well.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s becoming obsolete. I’ve been to 7 weddings in the past 18 months! I did have to smile when I read the article and the first story at the bottom of the page was about the divorce of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker.</p>
<p>Sometimes parents finally decide to marry each other as well- how many sports and other celebrities have done this, plus many on TV reality shows (think of the kids in their parents’ wedding on TV). The big consideration should be the legal ramifications of marriage- benefits accorded spouses in health and financial matters. Many generations ago a marriage was performed when there was an obvious reason- the impending birth of a child, or some had "common law marriges after so many years of being together. The current trend is just reverting to a centuries old practice… I wonder if the then new middle class made marriage fashionable originally to prove they had the wealth to do so?</p>
<p>Modern science has made it less necessary for women to marry the father of their children for child support- thanks to DNA testing and laws holding men accountable for their offsprings’ support. </p>
<p>Marriage is not obsolete, but the practice of never living together before marriage has become very commonplace, unlike when it was a symbol of rebelling against societal norms in the late 1960’s/early1970’s.</p>
<p>How I see it is a redefinition of the implications of marriage, hence a difference in how it’s done. These days, it’s socially acceptable to be 30 or live with a SO without being married.</p>
<p>When you’re dating someone, you’re in a romantic relationship, but when you marry them, it’s strictly a business relationship. Some people base it on emotion, but more and more people are starting to take the business relation point-of-view; that is, you don’t marry someone unless it makes sense, economically and logistically. What this usually means is that you don’t get married unless you want ot have kids. Otherwise, you don’t have to worry about the risk of divorce, changes in taxes, or financial conflicts. At the same time, you’re allowed to do everything else a loving couple does, including dates, living together, sex, etc. Hence, a win-win situation.</p>
<p>Not that many years ago, you actually couldn’t exactly have a full-on romantic relationship without a marriage due to adultery laws, social norms, etc.</p>
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<p>Can you please explain this. You have to be married to commit adultery.</p>
<p>I don’t think marriage is becoming obsolete. I went to almost a dozen weddings in the past 2 years. I do think people seem to be marrying later. I’m almost 28 and not married… but I have a couple of cousins my age, and each one of them is married already. I’ve actually had two previous relationships where the topic has came up, and neither relationship ended well. (obviously). My current relationship, I could totally see it happening… but I’m not rushing anything. Haven’t even brought it up. we’ve gotten to the “yeah, i would like to live with you someday” stage though. LOL.</p>
<p>in my generation ( 50 ish)many of my friends have been married twice- some had the kids with the first- some with the 2nd.
I think waiting till later ( mid 30’s or so) is a very good idea.</p>
<p>I think there are many liabilities to marriage. I didn’t want to get married; my H did.<br>
We have two children. His business failed and was heavily encumbered. I wish he hadn’t married so he could have declared bankruptcy. I had too many assets. We ultimately paid all the creditors, but it’s been very, very difficult. He business was incorporated, but technicalities too complicated to go into here made my assets vulnerable.</p>
<p>In addition, my H is a great guy but not my picture of a husband. I would have been content to live with him and have been more content with him too; I have been more disappointed in him as a husband than I would have been as a friend. In addition, I don’t feel comfortable as anyone’s wife. I was married to someone else for many years; in the intervening years between marriages I became very independent and found I preferred it. I kept my own name through both marriages as well as my own phone number and bank account in the second. That has helped ease the pain.</p>
<p>I think marriage is obsolete… the government should let you choose 1 person to “partner” with, and then you will get the legal benefits that are currently for married people.</p>
<p>I think that, for many people, it’s better to wait or forego marriage than to have to get divorced and possibly repeat the cycle more than once. That’s not to say that people who marry really young always suffer; it often works out happily, but if the people are going into it with anxiety or resentment at being pressured into getting married because they’ve hit an arbitrary milestone set by someone else… to me that’s not the foundation for any relationship.</p>
<p>Think of this way; we advise teenagers to think carefully before having sex, but sometimes we pressure people to get married, something that can include all of the repercussions of sex plus other legal obligations and even more emotional baggage, without really thinking about it.</p>
<p>*Not that many years ago, you actually couldn’t exactly have a full-on romantic relationship without a marriage due to adultery laws, social norms, etc.</p>
<p>Can you please explain this. You have to be married to commit adultery. *</p>
<p>I think maybe the person was referring to fornification laws.</p>
<p>I think what may eventually get questioned is the idea of having big splashy expensive weddings when so many marriages end in divorce (many quite quickly).</p>
<p>It can seem almost foolish to spend $50k (especially if debt is required) on some fancy wedding, only to have the marriage end a few years later. What then? Another $50k for the second wedding? </p>
<p>My SIL’s parents went into substantial debt for another daughter’s wedding. The marriage lasted 8 months. They were painfully paying off that debt when the daughter entered another marriage. Just seemed very weird to me.</p>
<p>It’s getting a bit ridiculous.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you this…without long-term stable marriages, some people’s family trees are looking rather odd.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you this…without long-term stable marriages, some people’s family trees are looking rather odd.</p>
<p>on another thread- someone mentioned ancestry.com. One * distant* relative is Audrey Hepburn- we are related through a great+ grandfather who was married 4 times- and had an average of 7 children with ea wife ( some of the marriages ended in divorce), this was in the 1400s in the Netherlands</p>
<p>Have no idea about the size of his weddings. ;)</p>
<p>–“Modern science has made it less necessary for women to marry the father of their children for child support- thanks to DNA testing and laws holding men accountable for their offsprings’ support.”</p>
<p>For the health and safety of her children, it is better for a woman to marry/stay with the biological father. Crime records show that when a child is killed or injured by an adult male in the house, it is MUCH more likely to be the “mom’s boyfriend” (who is not the father) or “stepfather.” who does the deed. (I read that this is true in the animal world, too–that males have little tolerance for the young offspring of other males and tend to kill them off.)</p>
<p>IMO, the main reason that marriage has declined is that women are much more likely to be educated and have their own jobs/$$. In the past, women’s career opportunities were extremely limited–so they needed a husband’s support. And many women stayed in bad/abusive marriages back then–for financial reasons. </p>
<p>I think marriage is going to be around for a long time–it’s far from obsolete.</p>
<p>IMO, the main reason that marriage has declined is that women are much more likely to be educated and have their own jobs/$$.</p>
<p>Not only that- but you can have sex- without having a child or being married! ;)</p>
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<p>OMG YOU CAN? When did this start? Did I miss somethinbg?</p>
<p>Pictures?</p>
<p>Living together is like a partnership. It can be very nice. But being married is like a family. There is no substitute for that feeling.</p>
<p>I was in no hurry to marry after my first marriage, but I didn’t want to have kids outside of marriage (hangup of mine). The man who became my second H would have been content to remain unmarried and living together, and raise kids in that setup, but I couldn’t do it. So we ended up married, and I think we’re both content.</p>
<p>I feel that the commitment of marriage brought us closer together; just living together we did not share of ourselves as much, it was more a partnership with commonalities and benefits. A greater degree of separateness was maintained.</p>
<p>Now it very much feels like the sum is greater than the parts.</p>