I’ve suggested that to her, but unfortunately she is so lacking confidence right now that she isn’t showing a lot of initiative for something like that. However, I was given the name and number of someone involved in student outreach. I’m going to call them (I was invited to by our mutual contact) and see if they know someone who might be willing to take my daughter under their wing, so to speak.
The nice thing about on-campus stuff is that it WON’T require initiative. No need to figure out the bus schedule to get to an off-campus job. No need for a resume! Nobody will check her references! She can wander into the Press office and just holler “you guys need a photographer for an event this weekend?” and Boom! She’s there!
I get that she’s feeling disheartened right now. But unless she intends to spend the semester holed up in her room- you know she can get moving with the right encouragement.
It will take work/initiative/energy to transfer. So the “I am trapped” state of mind needs to change regardless of whether she stays or goes, right???
Has she evaluated the schools she was admitted to last year to see if any of them might work for her? Getting accepted by a school which already accepted her seems like a lower hurdle than trying an entirely different set of schools- assuming something in that pile of acceptances could work?
Hugs. You are for sure earning your parenting wings right now….
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Loyola-Marymount in L.A.?
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My husband really wants her to stay where she is. So that just confuses the issue.
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Hugs. Very challenging when you all aren’t on the same page.
How about pitching her the idea of finishing this semester (i.e. making the best of it) and then taking a leave of absence to sort out the major, figure out if she wants to return the original college or put in some transfer applications? She can come home, find a job, work on her photography more seriously to see if it’s a real academic interest or just a hobby– and then go from there?
I’m sure it’s exhausting for her to be unhappy at college, knowing she needs to get cracking on transfer applications, figure out where she’d like to be, worrying about the finances, not happy with her social connections. Maybe knowing that it’s just a couple of months will help her put one foot in front of the other?
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In some ways, her timing isn’t uncommon. Many despise for various reasons the first year of college. It could be academics or roomies like you noted. For others it’s homesickness. You noted she’d like to be 3-4 hrs from home so maybe that is a part too.
You noted she’s still unhappy but has been less so lately.
Many first years don’t realize til year end - that they sort of hit their stride. It doesn’t sound like your daughter unfortunately. But you never know. If she can get involved in things related to her photo interest, like others mentioned above, maybe it somehow gets better without her realizing.
The flipside is, some kids shut down and that can be at many schools. Some kids truly aren’t ready to be away from home, no matter how much they or their parents hope.
Your husband may (or may not) be thinking financially.
Here’s hoping things do get better - sometimes it happens fast b4 kids realize it.
But I do wonder if staying home for a year while at a community college might allow some of the bad memories to fade and re start junior year a bit older and perhaps wiser into how to solve these difficult interpersonal situations. As she had a gap year, that might have impeded the ability to handle rough situations as well, another reason a year going to school from home might help in regards to dipping a toe into the social stuff.
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I think she would not go back if she took a leave of absence. At Christmas she cried and cried and said she had a pit of dread inside her at going back.
I also think she is not keen on the business major and photography minor because that is only 2 photography classes. I think she is scared to pursue what she wants for many reasons.
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If you want an idea of where kids in the different majors end up, here is the Baylor job board. They show a 100% knowledge rate (656) for Spring 24 - meaning they are capturing all.
Once open, go to the Power BI link.
When you click on a college, it has a little subset button so you can choose the major. I didn’t find visual arts - so I’m not exactly sure the formal major name. But it might help you/her see what jobs people are getting with the art major….or even business…to get an idea if it’s in the realm that she’d enjoy.
I did find this photography concentration - perhaps this is it. I would think it’d have more than two classes. It shows they offer 5 or 6. I’m sure you were aware but in case note.
Photography | Department of Art and Art History | Baylor University
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Does the school have a career center that can support her in thr decision making process for her major? The university should have things available for students who are not sure what path to follow for their degree. Maybe having her make an appointment there for support would be good, if you haven’t already tried that.
I feel for her and your family. Changing your major is difficult to do. Luckily she had the courage to forge a new path early on.
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I appreciate the encouragement and all your brainstorming! But as for this part—- I don’t think so. You’re off base actually. I think if she came home and went to a community college, she would feel like a complete failure.
For the most part, she handled the academics. Her school is notorious for difficult grading and for weeding freshman out. It is not an easy school. She got a higher grade in Calc than she got in HS Calc. She did very well in her lit/comp class. All this while being in a very time demanding extra curricular and dealing with health issues. She just didn’t like engineering.
As far as her roommates, she IMO exhibited a great deal of maturity. My daughter asked for help, self-advocated, scheduled meetings with dorm advisors, had to call her doctor to get a letter written to the school, and all kinds of things in order to change rooms.
This was not a case of “she just wasn’t besties with them.” It was truly bizarre. While I doubt she was completely blameless, someone else on here pointed out that it seemed like she was the target of a Queen Bee and Wannabees, and as the semester rolled on, that became more and more clear. The breaking point came when they invited her to go do something with them, she said yes, and then they all left to go do that thing while she was in the shower, without ever saying a word to her. They ignored her, whispered in front of her or stopped talking when she came into her own room, were mean to girls that they knew were friends with my daughter, etc.
Her roommate did not speak to her, at all, ever. Not “hi”, not “how was your day?”, “how was your test?” Nothing. And my daughter tried. She’d leave her notes and things and the other girl never reciprocated. Plus the girl often slept 14 hours a day. One night my daughter was studying and her roommate got up, turned off all the lights and went to bed without saying a word. It was 8:30 or 9 pm, something like that. My daughter would come back to the room, shower, go to bed, wake up, go to class, and her roommate would be asleep the entire time.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Then, when it came out that my daughter was moving rooms, I heard from the roommate’s mother things that were so completely strange…either the mother was being dishonest with me, or the roommate was being dishonest with the mother.
My daughter gets along fine with the new roommates.
And being on a gap year did not set my daughter back socially. She worked two jobs, including one in sales which had a lot of interaction with the public. She has worked at two different summer camps where she has interacted with literally all the campers and staff members. She has gotten along fine with everyone (of course closer to some people than with others); at a minimum she was able to work with everyone while she made good friends with others.
She has never in her life experienced anything like what she went through with those 3 girls she had to live with. There is no solving a living situation like that, and I am extremely proud of
her for realizing she deserved better and refusing to take the ill treatment.
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That’s awesome - strong in calc, well in her lit class, and “handled” the roommate transition. That’s FANTASTIC.
And I didn’t realize about the gap year.
Sounds like she has a great footing then - whether it ends up at Baylor or otherwise.
Have you had a chance to take a look at the wide variety of schools from different posts above?
I stand corrected - it soudns like she has an awesome base to build from - and think about this - as she goes through the challenges of life and she will, there’s likely little she won’t be able to handle.
Going through rough times stinks - but it also prepares you for the future challenges.
Let us know how it goes.
If we know the residential state, that can help find schools within 3-4 hours. Or other low cost through multi state partnerships. I thought Nebraska per the original post - but that ends up wrong.
by chance - would photo journalism be an interest?
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We do live in Nebraska. I was just clarifying that we aren’t from there (that is a distinction to be made), have no ties other than the job, don’t like it, and are trying to get out.
BU does have photojournalism but there was something about it that she wasn’t sure about (can’t remember what atm.)
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.
For residency purposes, would you use Nebraska? I mentioned U of South Dakota yesterday as having photography and business.
Black Hills State has a Photography major and Business major and it’s AACSB accredited (kind of like ABET for engineering). I mention it because you noted access to the outdoors - and Western South Dakota is pretty amazing outdoors wise.
Schools in these areas would be low cost.
It turns out there are more schools that have photography - but I don’t see them on lists. You sort of have to pick a school and see if they have the major. Black Hills State is 3425 kids - I’m guessing not sporty or greek.
I’m torn with the West Coast - I listed some above but then 3-4 hours from home. If you move, do you think it’s out West?
No, probably someplace more like TN or even TX. I haven’t had a chance to look up all these places but will later this week. Thank you again for the advice and suggestions.
Ahhh - TN where i live - UT Chatt and Tennessee Tech both have nature. ETSU too. All are mid size. Let’s see if they have photography. All are great price wise.
UTC has lots of photog classes - like another I was looking at, it’s a BFA in Photography and Media Art…not sure if that leaves time for business. Chattanooga is the ultimate outdoor experience.
Tennessee Tech doesn’t look like it has it.
ETSU has something - not sure if there’s a photog major, etc. but there is one faculty listed - you can reach out and ask how academics work.
For an LAC near the outdoors, Sewanee is right there - and they list photography in the art major. They have a business minor - so it fits in right with your daughter’s desires. They meet need but not sure what type of merit you’d get.
U of Tennessee Southern is a small, school - used to be Martin Methodist. It has an art minor and bus major but I can’t see classes but on jobs, they show commercial photographer. May be worth digging deeper.
Two out of state but not horribly far -
UAH - $40K before merit and they have photography and business. The sport there is hockey - it’s a quieter public with a big engineering focus - but most other majors. Huntsville is a hot city, just over the Tennessee border - not nature-y like Chattanooga but still trails and more.
North Alabama is about $30K - I include the dorm price just for comparison even though she’d likely live off campus. They have a BFA in photography - it seems a lot do and I think BFAs are hard core so that might be another consideration. They have business too. The Florence area is very naturey with the Natchez Trace Parkway (full of nature) nearby.
Just more names to noodle on - and in the right geographical area. I live in TN -so these names popped to me.
Thanks
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Not in the geographic area you are looking for, but I wonder what she’d think about Appalachian State (in NC). I think they have a BFA in commercial photography [editing to add also fine arts photography, now that I’ve actually gone and looked], and the have a business program with management, marketing, and other offerings. It’s in a beautiful setting in the mountains and it really doesn’t get much more pretty than that. We know a number of really nice kids who have gone to school there, and as it’s not an academic reach school, I think even with the less than she’d like grade, she’d get in. Downside of the school is that it does have football and it’s a large school, but I think a lot of students go there for the access to the mountains, so I think there’s a decent chunk of people who aren’t sports people but are outdoors people.
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One other option could be UTSA. San Antonio is a very friendly place to live. If you’re trying to get out of Nebraska, this might be a good place to consider. It’s more of a city school, so you don’t have the kind of clique or party culture you find at more traditional universities. It’s also got a huge selection of employable majors, and it’s not hypercompetitive like other schools in Texas.
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Is she at all interested in studying abroad? (And/or, would her health issues be compatible with doing this?)
When my kid was a first-year and was unsure about sticking it out at their first college (and also looking for a major change), I suggested that they start the paperwork to go abroad sophomore year, and leave the option open to submit transfer applications before leaving so that they’d have options to return to a different college after studying abroad. They ended up trying out a new major pathway sophomore fall, and spending sophomore spring in France. The new program worked out well and they ended up deciding not to transfer, but they could have submitted apps before leaving the country, and then gotten a fresh start at a new school junior year, if they hadn’t found their stride at their original school.
Since Dad wants her to stay put, maybe some variation on this strategy could be a compromise between pushing through and bailing out. Some programs allow a full year abroad, and it doesn’t look like her school’s deadline to apply for fall study abroad programs has passed yet.
Maybe she’s not interested, or maybe health concerns preclude it, but just running the concept up the flagpole.
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She does want to do study abroad and she is healthy enough physically. That’s an interesting idea about next year, but I’m a bit worried about homesickness and feeling at home back on the home campus after a year away. I will think about it though.
ETA: she can’t do study abroad until she declares a major. And to clarify, the photography minor requires only 2 classes, not that only 2 classes are offered. (According to my daughter.)
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Have you looked into any of the schools in prior posts. Do any look interesting?
Are you discussing with her or it’s too early at this point, in hopes that it works out where she is?
Would the photojournalism minor interest her - part photo (looks like 3 classes), part journalism - 18 credits.
Perhaps the minor she is referencing is in Art. I cannot find it. I imagine it’s 18 credits but maybe the actual photography classes are a portion of it.