May 1st looming, and Mom is getting irritating

Parents Forum
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<p>First off, before I begin, Happy Easter to all in your respective religions!</p>

<p>Now, here’s the dilemma.</p>

<p>May 1st is almost upon us, and that means students across the US must decide where they are attending college/university.</p>

<p>So currently, I am stuck between two schools. I’m just going to list them as School A and School B. If you want to know more, please look in my profile (the thread/comments activity page) or PM me.</p>

<p>School A has given us an EFC of about $8,000 and that’s the same cost as my private high school tuition right now. School B has an EFC of about $12,000. Based off of the EFC and my liking for the school, my parents have suggested to me that School A is the better choice. </p>

<p>Reasons:
-Closer to home (we live in NYC, and the school is 5-6 hours away)
-Easy to get to (the bus station is right by the school)
-cheaper EFC (payable by my father with tuition hikes included)</p>

<p>Now, there’s is a 75-90% chance I will be attending School A, but at the moment no notification has been made until I gather certain paperwork/responses from both schools about financial aid.</p>

<p>Here’s the real problem: My mother today, on this lovely Easter Sunday, has been going around church telling close friends that I’ll be definitely attending School A. My father hasn’t even sent in a deposit check yet! He’s holding the money just in case I decide to go. And I don’t mess with church folk when you tell them news like that. Especially in the Caribbean culture, one has to be careful of who they tell what.</p>

<p>What makes it worse is that she was the one who told my father, not to tell certain people in his family where I’m going to school if I do attend School A. So why can’t she follow her own advice?</p>

<p>Part of me feels that this is a joke she’s trying to play on me. If I don’t attend school A, the last laugh is on me. She’s not getting embarrassed, I am. Every time people ask me where am I attending college, I always say I haven’t decided, but I did get accepted into XYZ.</p>

<p>I was planning to tell family, friends, teachers, etc. of my official choice on May 2nd, which is when I go back to school from Spring Break. It gives me some time to let the decision soak it, you know?</p>

<p>This is the same woman who wasn’t so excited (the right word is ****ED) about me considering going away for college, but she has recently come on board with the idea. Even asking me about the college tours for School A and B I went on last week, and how did I enjoy the school, etc. Her support now is great, but her going off and telling people about something I haven’t even decided yet, is getting on my nerves.</p>

<p>Any suggestions and replies are welcome. Thank you for reading.</p>

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<p>Well obviously she is trying to make you choose the school she wants you to pick. You have to make up your own mind. You don’t say anything about which school you prefer?</p>

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<p>Personally, I love both schools, but down to the final factors (financial aid), School A is the one on top. </p>

<p>I just feel that it’s inappropriate of her to go and tell everyone my business, when I haven’t made an official choice. Anything can happen between now and when my father has to send a deposit check.</p>

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<p>Mom is just proud and even though it is irritating, when people ask and she can’t help herself.</p>

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<p>You can always say she mispoke if you decide on school B. And if its school A, then no problem.</p>

<p>In the scheme of life and the world of financial aid, be grateful this is what is causing you angst.</p>

<p>She obviously cares and is excited. Be very, very thankful.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

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<p>I see how it’s heavy ammunition to tell the church ladies, but really, everyone will accept it when you finally make up your mind, either way. You’d be surprised how many roller-coaster news experiences families have weathered. The church people you mention likely know that all families are complicated; that decisions take 180-degree turns at the last minute (or not). </p>

<p>So try not to let Mom’s Easter Day leak bother you, not even a tiny bit. As long as you have your family’s support once you decide, that’s what counts. Many would give eye teeth for that level of support. Mom’s timing was off, that’s all. Forgive her.</p>

<p>JMHO. PS, you might gently ask her to hold off notifying anyone ELSE until after May 2, without busting her over what she did today. That you’re still thinking about it all, need things to sink in, and want to make your own joyful announcement when the time is right. She sounds like a good mom who changes and evolves; she should be able to process that gentle request if given with a hug.</p>

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<p>Rosary-
Speaking as a parent of a teenage high level music student, you may want to cut your mom some slack, we parents tend to transgress without knowing about it (like, oh, for example, showing a dvd of a recital, talking about what our S is doing, etc, all very embarassing at times <em>smile</em>). I don’t know your mom, and it could be either she thinks A is the great choice, likes it herself, and thinks she will nudge you there, or she is proud that her daughter is going to what she sees as a good school, but in either case I think she loves you and is very proud. </p>

<p>I realize about what it is like in tight knit communities when information gets out, but I also think you are the one who ultimately will be going to the school, so you still have that choice to make. Decide what you want to do and make that decision, and if it comes out B, well, if others ask why your mom said A, tell them in the excitement of choosing a college signals got crossed, or smile at them sweetly and say “I think my mom can explain that better then I can”, and let her be the one who has to explain (depends on whether you want to cover for you mom or not:). </p>

<p>I wish you well, make your choice and go for it!</p>

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<p>She’s proud of you, excited, and a little scared. Cut her some slack. In 10 days, this will all be memory, and if you end up at B, it won’t be the end of the world - for you, for her, or for the church ladies.</p>

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<p>Rosary… why did you ask for a non-custodial Waiver on a past thread and on this thread you are clearly stating that your Dad is paying tuition?</p>

<p>quote: ‘I have been searching high and low for the NCP Waiver form for Hobart and William Smith Colleges, and St. Lawrence University.’</p>

<p>This is a public forum and you may not know who is reading this including adcoms or financial aid officers from these universitities.</p>

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<p>OP, is this a trend for your mother? If she’s just excited, and happy to be on board with you going away, let her enjoy the moment while you relax in knowing that you don’t have to have that conflict about going away.</p>

<p>If she’s done things like this before - take notice. It may be that she thinks you are still just a kid (technically you are) and she’s the one who can call the shots. Her thinking may not keep pace with your maturing, and you’ll find her doing similar things when you think about moving to a new city, getting married, naming your first baby, etc. In that case, think about what you can say to establish better boundaries and respect that goes both ways. </p>

<p>I don’t mean to sound so dire, she’s probably just excited! So, when you run into those equally excited church ladies you can correct them by saying, “well, I’m probably going to school A, but the final decision hasn’t been made yet”.</p>

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<p>*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>

<p>Rosary… why did you ask for a non-custodial Waiver on a past thread and on this thread you are clearly stating that your Dad is paying tuition?
*</p>

<p>???</p>

<p>Maybe the man she calls “dad” is really her step-dad?? And, then maybe she needed a NCP waiver for the bio dad. However, if the “dad” is her bio-dad, then she shouldn’t have been asking for a NCP waiver.</p>

<p>Rosary…are your parents married to each other? Who did you need the NCP waiver for?</p>

<p>It does kind of sound like the dad that Rosary is referring to isn’t living in the household.</p>

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<p>Not that it really matters but she could live with her dad and her mom is the NCP. Some dads have custody rather than the mom.</p>

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<p>on another thread she states that her parents aren’t married. It appears she lives with her Mom and wanted a waiver because she thought her Dad might not want to pay even though he pays her private HS tuition. Most every other thread is her asking how she can get more money from the colleges…I find that odd…</p>

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<p>Hello? She can hear you.</p>

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<p>@krmom8</p>

<p>The non-custodial waiver was for my mother. The reason why I requested it was because she didn’t have her 2010 taxes done at the time I was doing the CSS Profile, and that when they would’ve received it, the deadline would’ve been WAY overdue (if you further read that post you quoted, you’ll know why). Plus, I live with my father, but I have close contact with my mother. </p>

<p>My mother never paid a cent for my education since I was younger, only my father (I attended private school since Pre-Kindergarten). Both schools are aware of my extending situation, and have still given me the non-custodial waiver.</p>

<p>Don’t worry, I am aware of who’s watching and write knowing so. Thank you for the heads up. :)</p>

<p>@greenwitch:</p>

<p>She has done things like this before, which is why I’m extra skeptical. Call me paranoid, but it’s never a bad thing to have defenses up a bit, right? <em>sheepish grin</em></p>

<p>@Everyone:</p>

<p>Thank you for the replies! I know I should be grateful my mother is on my side, though. Before, she used to literally turn her head when I spoke to her about colleges that weren’t a CUNY. Now, she says that my father only paying $8,000 for school (even with tuition increases) is a blessing. </p>

<p>My dad says that the door between her and I is finally opening.</p>

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<p>Rosary94
Good Luck with your future endeavors. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Apologies for the misunderstanding on my part.</p>

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<p>@mom2collegekids:</p>

<p>The man I call “Dad” is my biological father, no other “fathers” in the mix. I understand that you don’t know my situation at home, but seeing that offends me, especially considering how close my father and I are, and how we’ve been working through this college process together. If it came across as if I had a step-father, then I apologize for the way it was referenced. I try to be as vague as possible, but providing details, so that certain parts of my private life aren’t publicized. But now that we are nearing the end of the college admissions process, and what I write here, the colleges already know, I felt it was alright to open up a bit.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>@krmom8:</p>

<p>I wrote my previous reply to you, before I saw your current comment, and the following is my reply to you.</p>

<p>With all due respect, before you jump to conclusions, I did say that if you wanted to inquire more information to PRIVATE MESSAGE me.</p>

<p>Also, in every post that says “I’m asking for more money”, I say that I have the City University of New York as a financial backup. Even now, with this much aid, CUNY is still my backup. I inquired so much about getting more aid, because <em>I</em> didn’t want to see my father bend over backwards for some something so lofty just for me, and wanted to seek any method possible. But, after speaking with my father (and suggestions from my mother), he is willing to pay the $8,000+ with no problem.</p>

<p>Also, I live with my father, not my mother, but I have close contact with. Also, my parents are not and have never been married. </p>

<p>In the future, rather than commenting about my family/financial situation based on your own suspicions, I always invite people to private message and I will further elaborate.</p>

<p>I wasn’t even planning to be this open with my situation, but I felt that the people on the parents forum would be kind enough (as they always are), to understand and provide good advice (which they have done), but now I know to be EXTRA careful that I was before about having knowledgeable parents help me.</p>

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<p>The man I call “Dad” is my biological father, no other “fathers” in the mix. I understand that you don’t know my situation at home, but seeing that offends me,</p>

<p>No offense intended at all. Since you mentioned that your mom was telling people at church where you’d be going to college, and you’ve requested a NCP waiver, it’s only logical for someone to think that the NCP would be your dad since NCP waivers are typically requested for a parent who isn’t involved with the child’s life…and your mom is obviously in your life. That said, since you were mentioning a dad who is paying tuition, it became confusing. I was just offering a suggested scenario. </p>

<p>However, it’s very unusual for a school to grant an NCP waiver for a NCP who “just hasn’t done her taxes yet.” However, somehow your colleges did do that. You’re very lucky.</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>Thank you, and in the future I will try to be as detailed as I can without inciting any misunderstandings.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>You would be surprised at how late she filed it. Especially since the person that does my parents taxes has tons of clients at the last minute, it takes a while to be done. Also, I was a few weeks already behind the deadline to file the NCP, so I didn’t want to have to keep calling the schools on how obtaining information from the NCP was going. Who knew they kept transcripts of when students call? :blushes:</p>

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<p>

Wow. The same person does the taxes for both parents? And you got a NCP waiver? I have to wonder what rationale you used for the waiver…</p>