May someone please take the time and read my essay?

. I struggle with my thesis the most and my topic sentences . Please help me I am struggling. In my paper I have a few lyrics inputted in the essay but I dont think it is in the right format.

(MLA) WHAT I NEED HELP ON or cristism

  • my thesis and intro
  • need more sources
  • everything needs to be in past tense
  • I added little notes where i need help (: Also please let me know if my essay is strong and my thesis supports my body paragraph. I Will pm you my essay! Please comment if you want to help . Thanks

This part of the forum is more for college application essays, not essays that are assignments for class.