Our youngest is about to move to his company’s insurance – like his sibling, he stayed on ours because the coverage was a million times better. Because their care was the primary way we met the deductible, we thought it fair to return that by paying the bills.
On their own insurance it’s a bit more complicated. S2 has many medical issues and a partner with student loans to pay off. We gift him his deductible, and help with bills as needed. S1 is healthy as a horse, so that doesn’t apply. BUT I don’t want him to struggle to pay rent or whatever, resenting the $$$$ S2 gets from us, so when thinggs arise I offer to help. Sometimes he takes us up on it, sometimes he doesn’t. We always say “we are a team, and teams stick together” .
DH’s parents often offered to help us, but would never actually help. We had a $400 car repair when that was much of our takehome pay and they said “we’d be fine” but we went without lunch, both of us, for weeks after we paid it so we could make ends meet. That same week, they booked their second cruise to Jamaica. This happened so often that we understood we were on our own, hell or high water. Intellectually, I kmow it is their money. But it has always been hard esp for DH to know that they would never help us. (My parents loaned us funds, which were paid back as we were able. My mom actually had a ledger to keep track, and sends payment receipts wrapped around her facorite candy bar. They also gifted all 8 of their grandchildren a monthly allowance – about $50-- while they were in college. )