Meditation vs. prayer vs. other methods of coping

Parent Cafe
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<p>My D works at a fairly high stress, intense ad/pr firm. They work hard and keep long hours. Its a small agency.</p>

<p>But almost everyday, the boss, a woman, puts on some dance music over the intercom (when no clients are around of course) and the whole staff comes out of their office and breaks a dance sweat! D has taught them many of the current popular dances and they laugh with and at each other. They relieve stress, bond and stay young. So can you close your door, kick off your heels and dance to your iPod???</p>

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<p>Honestly, the best thing for me is to get outside under the sky – rain or shine – and move around and listen to pop music on my ipod. Also helps to always have a really good book in your life.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the terrific ideas.</p>

<p>Let me ask for help in a specific context: When a particular situation becomes so frustrating and stressful that you want to scream or cry or punch something, how do you cope? … I get this feeling mainly in two contexts: 1) when I’m driving and am lost [not common any more due to GPS], and 2) when I’m trying to handle technology issues - the printer won’t print, the program crashes, etc. and I can’t figure it out. For those acute moments, where dancing or taking a walk or coloring aren’t an option…that’s why I was thinking meditation or prayer…how to take a deep breath and draw a blanket of calm around me and not blame myself for being inept and powerless.</p>

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<p>If you have an ongoing meditation practice you should be able to step back from the problem and achieve that calmness for ten minutes or whatever you can spare. It is much more refreshing than just distracting yourself with something else. Then you can use that calmness to reconsider the problem with a fresh awareness and perspective.</p>

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<p>I think technology is overwhelming many these days. in little ways. The whole notion of the administrative assistant or data entry clerk is gone. But not the labor they did. That has been passed on to the consumer. A gazillion SAP applications in which we must enter our personal info, our account numbers, etc, all in exactly the format desired and before the screen fades. We face this for taxes, fees, doctor visits, insurance claims, virtually everything. And all this labor is invisible to the marketplace. Although it “costs” us in time and energy, we are not compensated, we must fit it in around the edges of our “real work.”</p>

<p>So yeah, I think technology – wonderful as it is – has brought some nightmares to our lives.</p>

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<p>Google Square breathing, e.g. [How</a> to Do Four-Square Breathing | eHow.com](<a href=“http://www.ehow.com/how_2276767_do-foursquare-breathing.html]How”>http://www.ehow.com/how_2276767_do-foursquare-breathing.html)</p>

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<p>One more.</p>

<p>Sudoku</p>

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<p>I bought some yoga pants yesterday.</p>

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<p>Hi, missypie. Been pretty much “off the grid” in my parents’ concrete and steel fortress, so have not been keeping up with the electronic world. But I have a couple of thoughts to add.</p>

<p>A couple of years ago, I was asked by my church to lead a women’s retreat on a book/DVD our Presbytery had in its resource center called Praying in Color. </p>

<p>[Praying</a> in Color | Sybil MacBeth - Drawing a New Path to God](<a href=“http://prayingincolor.com/]Praying”>http://prayingincolor.com/)</p>

<p>I found it interesting, and you may enjoy it. </p>

<p>The new pastor at the church is really into something called Centering Prayer:</p>

<p>[Centering</a> Prayer](<a href=“http://www.centeringprayer.com/]Centering”>http://www.centeringprayer.com/)</p>

<p>That said, I don’t incorporate either practice in my daily life. I consider myself a very religious/spiritual person, but I am also convinced that people are different and one size doesn’t fit all. Sometimes I think the current pastor is so focused on Centering Prayer, because it’s worked for her, that she thinks if everyone else just did it they would experience the same results she has. </p>

<p>S has been raving about a restaurant he’s dined at; how it’s the best place in town. H and I had never been so we went there yesterday. It was just okay. However, there is a different restaurant I think is the best place in town, but I am also sure S would not like it. I know his taste in food and he would not find it an enjoyable experience. So you need to find what works for YOU. </p>

<p>My grandmother told me a story about when she was a little girl. She was terrified of snakes and bugs and creepy crawly things. And her father decided she needed to understand them better, to help her get over her fear. Eventually she graduated in the early 1920s with a science degree from the University of California at Berkeley. </p>

<p>Since you are aware of what frequently causes stress in your work life (technology) I wonder if you can try to understand it better? Is there anyway you can schedule some time with an IT support person and work on understanding a piece of technology you struggle with before you have a deadline/crisis? Or self-guided tutorials you can do on your own which will train you on how to use it better?</p>

<p>I happen to work in IT and support some specific software. One of my jobs involves training. And I know one size doesn’t fit all. When I do one-on-one training, it’s pretty clear what the person wants/expects. Some just want the steps. Tell me how to do my job. I provide them with step by step instructions, and a list of who to call in case something unanticipated happens.</p>

<p>Other people want to understand the bigger picture. I try to help them with analogies so they can understand what is happening. I personally find it more helpful when trouble-shooting if I understand the bigger picture of the situation, but I am also aware not everyone wants that.</p>

<p>Other people want to make the software into something it’s not. They are jumping to the next thing, and want it to solve their next problem, instead of the problem it was designed to solve.</p>

<p>Our state just replaced their vehicle registration software. We just purchased a vehicle, so we had to experience the new software. What a mess! I’ve never seen so many stressed out people. I saw both employees and customers crying. It was absolutely terrible. Where H works they also just implemented a new software system. Several of his colleagues are really struggling. One is a dear neighbor and I have been going over to her house and helping her out. So I understand how stressful it can be, especially with deadlines and other stress on top of it.</p>

<p>The fact you are aware of what is typically causing the stress is really helpful. Hopefully you can find a solution which works for YOU.</p>

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<p>missypie - it sounds like you are a lawyer, not a technology person. I think you mentally need to give yourself a break - it is ok for you not to know how a printer works, or to install a new software. It is why most firms have System Administrators to assist people. I have been head of IT for many years, and my PC still crashes, or my screens don’t look right (every time I undock my PC). Instead of trying to fix those things myself, which I could if I spent time on it, I would ask an SA to fix it. I would ask someone to work on it when I go to a meeting or out to lunch, this way I wouldn’t have to watch it or waste my time. If your printer is not working, forward it to a more junior person to have him/her to print it out for you. </p>

<p>Most of us a fairly senior/experienced people at our job by now. I have gotten to a point where I would tell people “to just make it happen.” I don’t need to know every detail on how it is going to happen. It is a Zen of letting go. Over time I have found the importance of having good/right people around me, so I don’t have to do everything. If I don’t know how a piece of software is suppose to work, I get someone to show it to me. I get people to do the first draft of presentation or report before I get involved.</p>

<p>I also like MOWC thinking - what’s the worst case scenario? Once you walk down that path then you realize it is really not that big of a deal.</p>

<p>H meditates and he thinks it has been very helpful (I cause him a lot of stress). I tend to just march on with list of things to do. I also try to have some quiet/alone time, whether at work or at home, to think things through. </p>

<p>You have gotten some good advice from people, but everyone is different. You need to figure out YOUR own coping mechanism and figure out what works for you. Stress is not good.</p>

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<p>Like many other industries, we have cut way back on support staff. The more we are expected to do for ourselves, the more calls to IT and it’s not like we’ve hired more of them.</p>

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<p>Christians meditate and pray…so either one. That goes for some other faiths as well.</p>

<p>For stress relief…</p>

<p>When our dear friend drowned in a flash flood leaving a young widow and small babies, the wife and I spent a lot of time in her backyard “making things right” when everything else seemed upside down. We weeded and weeded, and trimmed and trimmed, and planted and planted. It was like therapy.</p>

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<p>Get a Zen garden for your desk. (about the size of a cake pan with sand, little stones and a miniture rake). </p>

<p>Get some sheets of blank mandelas and colored pencils. this is supposed to “center” you.</p>

<p>I had a friend who would lean out of her window and would scream the words “cookies and milk” </p>

<p>Try to recall every word to every verse of American Pie.</p>

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<p>from missypie:

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<p>I cry. Really. It’s kind of soothing, letting out the stress that way. Hard to find a place to do it at work though. Ladies’ room is the obvious choice, but if it’s full? Walk around the block with shades on. If people hear you sniffling, they’ll think it’s allergies.</p>

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<p>I love that scene from *Broadcast News *where Holly Hunter’s character schedules her cries.</p>

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<p>Missypie - I’ve been thinking about your situation for a few days and wanted to reply.</p>

<p>I know how hard it is to stop and pray when you are right in the middle of a stressful situation. I have trouble with it, also.</p>

<p>Sometimes I am able to calm myself down by thinking about how somebody else would love to have my problem on that particular day - someone who is dealing with something much, much worse - for instance, the sickness or death of a child. Makes my stressful situation seem so insiginificant. Also, I actually stop and think “If this is the worse thing that happens to me today, than I am pretty darn lucky”. And it’s true.</p>

<p>Also, as a Christian, know that the world is watching you and how you react to situations. They are thinking if you REALLY trust in God and know that HE is in control, why are you so upset. I wish that I could follow my own advice about this. lol.</p>

<p>And breathe - I have a friend at work who reminds me to take a deep breath when I get stressed, and it really does make a difference.</p>

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<p>Thanks so much, Eddie.</p>

<p>I can handle a huge amount of stress and pressure when I’m in my comfort zone/ when I know what I’m doing. But when I’m expected to something I don’t know how to do, without training, on a short time frame, that is when the stress boils over.</p>

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<p>I went to yoga for the first time last night. I thought it had been a year since I bought the yoga pants…turns out almost 14 months. Anyway, went to a beginning yoga class and loved it (Went due to back pain; relaxation was a bonus.)</p>

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<p>Missy - I own my own business in the healthcare industry and there have been some extremely stressful moments. Especially when I’ve got the govt breathing down my neck, the uncertainty of the future, clueless employees, plus also being dragged along down the technology train.</p>

<p>You have to have peace outside work to be able to manage overwhelming stress during the day. You have to figure out how to compartmentalize and how to have fun and not think about work when you aren’t working. Some things I do - I read a lot of fiction, I go to the movies, I hang out with friends, most nights in the summer hubby and I go in the pool and have a cocktail. I take walks. My neighbors should be aware of when I’m going through a tough time, I’ve actually been outside in all weather in all kinds of outfits.</p>

<p>At work I have some low tech things I do. In my office I have a white board that I turned into my worry/to do list. Just the act of putting it somewhere has relieved me of feeling like I have to carry it with me. There are a few exercises in the moment. Breathe in for 10 counts, hold for 10 counts, breathe out for 10 counts. Also, while you are at your desk - tighten up the muscles of a particular body part for 10, then relax, and go all the way up your body, especially your shoulders. </p>

<p>The last of it is to have someone you can talk to like a spouse or friend.</p>

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<p>Missiepie, I found a wonderful meditation class at a yoga studio near my house. But for right now, this minute, if you have privacy in your office you can do it there, and if not, just go to the bathroom. Set your cell phone alarm for 5 or 10 minutes (5 to start, going to 15 after you are ready), sit down, get comfy (take off shoes if that’s more comfy, and if it’s in the bathroom you can just put them on top of your shoes), close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Think about your breathing, in and out. Every time a thought pops into your head, go back to thinking about your breathing…slowly in, out with a push and then completely emptying your lungs. Don’t blame yourself or anyone if/when thoughts pop into your head, just go back to concentrating on your breathing.</p>

<p>I am amazed at how helpful this can be to me, even 5 minutes although 10 is geometrically better.</p>

<p>Also, google mindful meditation. I have some links saved that I can send to you if you pm me. And good luck and feel better soon.</p>