Meltdown Heading into College Senior Year

Parents Forum
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<p>Wow, a lot of wisdom on this thread. I had the same thought as others regarding the possibility that your son didn’t necessarily fully mean what he was saying, or at least that he was expressing a recent realization that maybe he let himself be overly influenced by you, his parents, in his choice of college and major.</p>

<p>However, I think you should also be ready for these same complaints to be raised again from him in future. I think there is some truth in there that he is expressing – he’s not just making it all up out of whole cloth. He could be feeling, now that his college years are almost over, that maybe he didn’t take full advantage of exploring other options because he was so focused on his major and his future career. It could be that he’s been musing lately on the might-have-beens – what if he’d gone to a different college, majored in something else? He could be feeling scared and nervous about the soon-approaching need to prove himself in the adult world, get a job, etc.</p>

<p>If he raises it again, I’d try to start a broad discussion about any or all of these issues. Rather than trying to pin him down on exactly what he means when he says that, see if you can get him to explore what his feelings are that make him want to say it. These are confusing and stressful years – I remember going through a lot of turmoil at this age too!</p>

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<p>I had wanted son to consider getting an engineering degree, so once again, it was his choice, not mine, as to what to study in college. There were numerous colleges he would not even look at even tho I was willing to visit more than just the four we saw. The only thing I felt certain about was that the school should be within a 3 hour drive from home. So that allowed for Ohio State University if he’d chosen to go there and the University of Pittsburgh.</p>

<p>There is a small university and also a community college in the county where we live, and he didn’t consider either of those, which many parents around here insist their children go to at least for a couple years, so I did give son a wider range of options that I felt would be manageable for both he and us, his parents.</p>

<p>If son is having doubts about his major, it would be the realization that he could have chosen something different but it was he himself focused on going into business. He’s very smart and creative, and sometimes kids like that have a hard time knowing what to do with their talents because they have a lot of options. He felt like a business degree would give him more opportunities. Once he chose business, I supported his choice.</p>

<p>Neither my husband or I went to college right out of high school (eventually I got a two year degree at the community college) but I well remember my early 20s being some of the most difficult years of my life. My son has a lot more going for him than I did at his age, and hopefully that allows him to transition out into the ‘real world’ with a better sense of impending success than I did. His dad had already been married with a child and divorced by the time he was 21, so we are extremely proud that son has been smart enough to work towards his college degree.</p>

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<p>The minute I finished reading the OP and before I read any other posts, I knew it was going to boil down to second semester Junior year stress. I heard it all from my kid and there were actually times I didn’t want to pick up the phone when I saw it was his number on Caller ID. But, I picked up the phone and pretty much just listened until rant was over and I said the same thing every time - “I know it’s a stressful semester, but just put your head down and barrel through - semester is almost over, don’t stress over your grades, you’ll get everything done - and try to get some sleep every once in awhile.” Once I even asked him if his friends were feeling the same way and he said yes, so, I said “good, that means you aren’t the only one!” </p>

<p>TBH, I was expecting his grades to take a nose dive (he had hinted enough times that it was what he expected. I think he was experiencing what Poeme mentioned - feeling like a failure and not smart enough to do anything, so I was pleasantly surprised when he ended up with a 3.5. If I hadn’t been so happy for him, I would have strangled him for what he put me through! </p>

<p>I’m pretty confident that this last semester was a one off - even with the prospect of his senior thesis needing to get done. </p>

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<p>emily, I made similar remarks to my son when he called to vent: “Just take it one day at a time…look how far you’ve come…stick with it…power through it…the semester’s almost over…”</p>

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<p>This has been very enlightening. Explains why my D was upset to come home and find the front door a different color than when she left. Lol.</p>

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<p>I don’t think that the stress of 2nd semester Junior comes from a feeling that college is almost over, but rather, that college work seems endless and that one has been working on all these difficult classes for what seems years.</p>

<p>Junior year is major-specific and the classes are very intense. As a parent now, I still remember how overwhelmed my classmates and I all felt at the end of Junior year. It was just as Poeme said. We all ended up with great grades, especially because it WAS major-specific, but we all felt almost like the sun was never going to come out for us in our lives because of so many homework problem sets and studying. We felt quite burdened and almost crushed by the weight of it all. We also worked and commuted, adding stress. My children also said the same of their Junior year in college (they didn’t commute, though).</p>

<p>During 2nd semester Junior year, one really does wonder, “And… why am I doing this???” I think that is the “doubt” your son expressed. It is not due to the selection of his specific major in particular. It is just the rigors of Junior year and the oppressive feeling of all the work, including the internship during the semester.</p>

<p>The really good news is that the summer between Junior and Senior year, with a summer internship, and the beginning of Senior year, for me, for my classmates, and for my children, we all felt like the sun came out and we could smile. It was like coming out of the tunnel to daylight. With the arrival of Senior year, one can see that the oppression of the work is finite and there really is a path to graduation: a reason for all of this work. </p>

<p>I’m not a runner, but everyone in my family is serious about running. From what I understand, there is a point in running and training that it seems impossible: “the wall”. You’ve put in all this time and energy training, and it seems there is a point it is just too difficult. Then at some point, you transcend it, pass over it, and it magically seems like you can run further and have more energy.</p>

<p>Please be encouraged, Miller. I think you son is at this point in Junior year. It is a natural point in the schooling process, from what I’ve seen. IMHO I think, with your son’s summer internship and maybe some time for some outdoor recreation, going into Senior year will seem a lot better. I think there will be a renewed energy to make it to the finish line. </p>

<p>IMHO, the best thing you can do is what EmilyBee recommended: keep listening and keep encouraging. She is always very wise (so are all the other CC posters!). </p>

<p>Good luck with everything. Your son sounds like a very caring son and a hardworking and motivated student.</p>

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<p>When my son was a senior in high school, I received a devastating medical diagnosis. Suddenly, our world was turning upside down and yet we still had to move forward. To help us cope with everything, I told Son he would need to pick a college or university within a three hour drive radius of home. There were many to pick from, even with that limitation. He chose not to even look at some because of their reputation as ‘party schools’ like Ohio University and West Virginia University. </p>

<p>Since attending college, he has more insight about colleges overall. He realizes there are many people who graduate from party schools and still go on to be quite successful. He’s also heard some good things about the University of Cincinnati, just out of reach of my criteria, with about a four hour drive time from our house. It was never on his radar when he was in high school, but he’s mentioned that he wondered if it would have been a good fit for him.</p>

<p>He chose to go to college in Pittsburgh, PA, an hour from home. From what I can tell, it’s been a good choice. Today, he made a rare post on Facebook with a news article about Pittsburgh being the best city to live in the U.S. (even beating out Honolulu) and my reply was, “What? Not Cincinnati?” lol</p>