<p>We are starting to recognize that health concerns in men and women have different indicators- Heart disease in women for example- hasn’t been studied as extensively, even though the symptoms are different.</p>
<p>I realized today- that the behavior my H has been showing- are signs of classic major depression , which has been coming on for some time.</p>
<p>While I have been dealing with my own issues and obligations, I am shocked that I missed this underlying illness.
Afterall, not only have I and both of my girls had to cope with it ourselves, but my father died from it, when he was 42.</p>
<p>This is a topic that I would like to discuss. I know I am deeply depressed but I have a very difficult time talking to my doctor. </p>
<p>The root cause is known but I just don’t see a solution. The bottomline is about responsibility for the family. We are a true sandwich family with elderly and teenage children. We don’t have anyone else to turn to and I am the only bread earner. </p>
<p>I guess some of the pressures are coming from trying to keep up with John’s. When you see junior grade kid drives late model european SUV, other kids going to all different camps or exotic vacations. While your very talented kids has to work summer jobs and stay home the whole summer. It is depressing. </p>
<p>I know there will always be people have way more money than we do. I know we are not in the bottom 25%tile. It just that… …</p>
<p>DadII,have you shared this with your wife? Can she work even PT? Since you’ve shared in this forum that you have quite a bit of savings from being frugal, perhaps it is stemming from insecurity?</p>
<p>Dad II, I come from the opposite end of the spectrum.</p>
<p>I had parents who were able to provide me with any material thing I ever wanted. During the moments when I was at home, time with my family was a rarity. Having two very successful parents who worked and traveled extensively meant little time together as a family. I would gladly have given up all those vacations just to spend a month at home with them in the summer. </p>
<p>I think your children are grateful for everything you do provide for them. Family time is precious right now, enjoy it while you can :)</p>
<p>Trying to keep up with the Jones’ is a losing proposition. If your contentment is tied to “things”, like vehicles and travel, you need to reconsider your priorities. The health of your family members, the affection they share with one another, and the degree to which family members support each other so that one does not feel more burdened than the rest, is far more valuable than any “thing” you can buy. If you can afford a modest place for your family to live, healthy food your family to eat, and time to spend appreciating each others’ company, you are far richer than most!</p>
<p>I recommend strongly the following: [Hoffman</a> Institute Foundation](<a href=“http://www.hoffmaninstitute.org%5DHoffman”>http://www.hoffmaninstitute.org). No I don’t work for them. Nor do I have any affiliation with them other than as a graduate.</p>
<p>DadII – Why do you have trouble talking to your doctor? Is it embarrassment on your part or is your doctor not very approachable? Maybe it’s time to find a new doctor! And maybe you could reach out to a counselor or clergyman. No one should have to feel so much anxiety and sadness for long periods of time.
Thinking of you and praying for the best.</p>
<p>I am generalising here I know…but men usually find it difficult to share their insecurities with any except their wives and even then perhaps it was when their wives were not yet their wives. Several years down the road they may not wish to show a chink in the armour. Women talk their emotions and men don’t…generally so I am not surpised about us not seeing depression in men. We can talk all we want about family time being more important than material things but the man himself has to feel that. If a man feels the measure of his success is looking after both his parents and his wife and kids and he is treading water, who can help him?</p>
<p>Dad II, please reach out and ask for the help you need. Other people can tell you why you shouldn’t feel what you feel, but I can attest from personal experience that that only makes you feel more depressed, more guilty and powerless. Depression is a medical condition, like any other. If you had a heart condition, would you feel you shouldn’t act to get treatment? Your brain chemistry is out of whack. It’s not your fault. But you must ask for help. Don’t let depression take you away from the people who love you.</p>
<p>Dad II - does your employer have an EAP? They are professionals that will handle your situation with the utmost confidentiality, and are very used to talking with men, for whom talking about feelings is not second nature.</p>
<p>Poetsheart - this is 100% accurate. I concur completely. And we know DadII is capable of reaching out as he posted here about his situation. DadII, don’t wait.</p>