Mentoring disadvantaged teenagers: any tips?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Hi all, sorry for the late reply but I’ve been sitting exams and have only just got my breath back from them! To answer some questions </p>

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<p>It’s being done on school premises, during lesson time, but I don’t believe that there will be a teacher there. There will only be one of me, and (I believe) 12 of them (!) They’ve also been somewhat vague as to what I have to cover with them, though many things seem fairly obvious to me (e.g. how admissions work, finance and that sort of thing). </p>

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<p>I know that my background has two very different faces to it - both parents unemployed (one chronically so), and I lived on the local equivalent of the projects as a child, albeit fairly briefly and I have had caring responsibilities for a family member (and no, I’m not going to end that with ‘so I know what it’s like to live here’!). On the other hand, I spent the latter half of my school days at a private school, which was funded by my extended family, and spent most of my childhood living on the ‘right’ side of the tracks. For that reason, I don’t really intend to spin it any way unless they ask (though I’m sure they will sooner or later). </p>

<p>I’m not really sure that there’s any escape from the whole accent thing. Even my closest friends who grew up relatively near here say that I sound ‘posh’. If I took on a thicker local accent from my home region, then apparently I’d sound both posh and thick. Oh dear. I think I may just have to brave that one out. </p>

<p>Behaviour management worries me somewhat, and I’m hoping that the kids will have the option to be elsewhere (i.e. another class) if they’re not interested. I’m used to managing the behaviour of drunks (my first proper job, 3 weeks out of high school, 18yo and a bit wet behind the ears, was working behind a bar. And I always seemed to be the one tasked with throwing out the 17 year olds, the drunks and the ones who stayed past closing time. All not-quite-5-foot-tall of female me…!). I’ve also worked with a group of kids up to the age of about 10 from similar backgrounds. However, I have a feeling that high school freshmen will be somewhat more cunning than someone who has had a skin full or your average 10 year old! </p>

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<p>Luckily the scheme is being organised by the local university, so they will already have been to the campus at least once, and they will go again for a more intensive visit part way through the mentoring period. </p>

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<p>This is a great suggestion - it sounds so simple but it had completely passed me by! </p>

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<p>This is a fair point, though they won’t have been taught abstinence-only education, but an (IMHO more realistic) version along the lines of not until you’re ready / this is how to use contraception (and contraception is freely available to all). On the other hand I do have a friend who had a baby whilst still in high school and went on to study at an Ivy League-equivalent, so whilst I’m not about to encourage young motherhood, it’s good for them to know that all is not lost in that event. </p>

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<p>Indeed, I am from the UK. I didn’t mention it in the first post though, because I didn’t want people to get too hung up on precisely how UK education works. As much as anything I’m after info on human nature, which doesn’t really change across national borders, and more practical info such as yours can almost always be translated into a UK version. </p>

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<p>It looks like a really interesting book. One question though - how much does it make of the religious aspect to the work? I’m not religious at all, so I’m not hugely keen on books that will ram a religious message down my throat every other paragraph, but otherwise it sounds good. </p>

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<p>Of course, though these are meant to be the kids who are meant to be capable of a university education, and the idea of my presence is that I am to steer them towards higher education. However, I don’t believe that university is for everyone, so if they can come up with valid reasons why they don’t want to go to university (e.g. “my life goal is to become a plumber”, rather than “I don’t like the idea of debt” - the latter of which is not really a valid argument in the UK due to differences in funding that I won’t bore you lot with) then I’ll help them with that as far as I can. </p>

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<p>Truth be told, it had never crossed my mind that I might receive explicit gratitude from the young person. I’d like to see some progress towards them seeing university as a realistic option for them (so that I don’t feel like I’m totally wasting my time), but I was never imagining that they might all chorus “thanks boomting” at the end of every session! </p>

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<p>I’m white and I do mean well, though I’m not entirely sure that I like the connotation that comes with ‘well meaning white person’! However, the area is fairly white working class (in contrast to my own neighbourhood, which is predominantly Muslim) and unlikely to have a strong church presence (it’s a fairly non-religious country anyway, with church attendance largely shored up by recent immigrants from Africa and Eastern Europe, plus some older Britons… I can honestly count on the fingers of one hand the number of people I know who attend church for anything other than weddings and funerals). In many ways I’m quite glad that I have been sent to the neighbourhood that I have been sent to - it might be one of the most deprived areas in the entire country, but at least I don’t have to negotiate the cultural differences that come with some religions (you try marketing student nightlife or living in a mixed gender apartment to your average Muslim…). It’s not my place to start making pronouncements on religion, and I’m certainly not the person to come to for religious guidance! </p>

<p>There’s a limit to what I can do for them in some respects - I have them for an hour a week for the rest of the academic year, and taking them out to a restaurant or similar is out of the question. </p>

<p>I’m hoping that the kids I have will genuinely want to be there, as presumably they will have been pulled out of some other class to be mentored and hopefully have the choice to go back. I’m planning (and please do tell me if this sounds unrealistic!) on going in and essentially telling them that they are (from what I’ve heard) the best students in the school, so we can work together on a basis of mutual respect, as adults, towards their future, whilst noting that I’m not being paid to be there, I’m there because I believe in their abilities. </p>

<p>Thanks for all the replies though everyone, I’m feeling rather more confident about the whole thing now!</p>

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<p>yes, i wouldn’t talk about your accent. The fact that you are there as a volunteer resource for them says it all. If they are there because they want to be also, it should be ok. If they decide it’s not for them, I hope they can withdraw and do something else. I like the ideas expressed in your last paragraph. So many kids don’t realize they are “college material” because no one has ever told them they are.</p>

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<p>I grew up on the west coast and had a teacher from Massachusetts. He was able to drop the accent for the most part. But…he would sometimes say our names with the heavy accent and we loved it. If people complained, he would restate what they said to put in a few regional words and the heavy accent. They were told this was the correct way to complain. He was hilarious!</p>

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<p>I agree with sylvan and others. I think the most you should explain about your background is that you are from X region. Kids this age don’t feel comfortable when adults tell them too much about themselves too quickly. They aren’t like college kids that way, IME.</p>

<p>I think one thing you could do is tell the kids something about resources and programs they might not otherwise be aware of. Indirectly, I’m a fan of the English Speaking Union’s programs [The</a> English-Speaking Union](<a href=“http://www.esu.org/programmes/schools]The”>Page not found | ESU) The Debate Challenge is fantastic. A few years ago, one of the kids who began in the program, a black Londoner who grew up in the projects, was one-half of the winning team at the World Universities Debate Championships. I can’t remember whether he was representing Cambridge or Oxford; it was one of the two.</p>

<p>The ESU has lots of programs for schools. Is your school involved? </p>

<p>I don’t know if it’s the same in the UK, but here in the US, one of the things that really holds back kids from less advantaged backgrounds is their speech–and I’m not talking about accents . Not only is their grammar abysmal–“He don’t know nothing; I axed him already, etc.”–but they find it hard to say a sentence without 5 profanities in it. “Posh” kids also use profanities–indeed,they may use more of them–but they know when to clean it up. I’ve heard that bad grammar can kill you in the university admissions interviews. The ESU’s programs help participants a lot in this area.</p>

<p>If the UK has the equivalent of Big Brothers & Sisters you might want to find out how they can get a mentor and explain the process to them. Some might be interested.</p>

<p>You might also invite in some speakers, for example, whoever the rep for the local area is or people who hold other local government positions. Have the kids do some research or reading about the area so they can ask intelligent questions. Brainstorm a session before the visit about the issues they can raise.</p>

<p>If any older kids from the neighborhood have made it to university, see if you can get a couple to come in and talk to the kids about their experience. Seeing people who are only a few years older than they are who are in university is more helpful than listening to university officials talk about their schools, IMO. What do these young people wish they had known before they started? </p>

<p>Do some research about gap year projects–another area they might be interested in. Again, some older kids who did interesting things might come in and talk about them. Are there organizations that grant funding? </p>

<p>Establish some rules up front–cell phones off, no computers, etc. if these are issues. Must raise hand to talk, etc. You might ask the kids to fill out a survey at the first class, listing things they’d like to hear about, responding to some of your ideas.</p>

<p>Has anyone lead this class before? If so, contact him/he!r.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>I am not familiar with disadvantage kids. However, kids at this age, no matter economical background love to be challenged. The reason that most hate school is the school is way too boring, nobody makes sure that it is actually challenging intellectually. As an example, some complicated math could be made into challenging games more or less with the explanation at the end that there is lots of stufff out there that is challenging and very exciting and the most of it is at the colleges. Unfortunately, the challenge part of growing up is missing in the k - 12 which artificially creates more problems with potentially very smart kids who would be great achievers, but instead they are rotten bored in all their classes and find challenges for themselves that sometime are outside of law. Rules might not be even necessary if kids are kept busy and challenged all the time, they will look forward to be in place like this.</p>

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<p>One of my kids taught for the Breakthrough Collaborative for a few summers, which is a program that is aimed at getting disdvantaged youth with high ability into college. Starts them in middle school, has a summer school component and a couple Saturdays a month component.</p>

<p>One of the things they are pretty big on is encouraging the kids to take at least couple of honors courses a year in middle school & high school if they are available. They don’t expect a full honor curriculum for all of them (although some do). But encouraging the kids to push themselves in a couple of subjects is a goal they set for their students. So that is something you might want to encourage – if they have a subject they consider themselves to be good at (or their teachers do, if you can find out), encourage them to take at least one honors class in that area.</p>

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<p>Don’t lie to them. This sounds obvious, but a lot of times, adults who are feeling insecure will gloss over things, such as a posh upbringing, privileges, wealth, etc. Don’t do this. Acknowledge that you’ve had advantages in life, even if you don’t think you’re that privileged. In their minds, you had everything they didn’t. Don’t defend or denigrate it, just be grateful and humble.</p>

<p>Talk up, not down, to them. Use your normal vocabulary, and explain what you mean in clear terms. Kids of all ages and backgrounds really appreciate this. It signals to them that you have a high regard for their intellects and think of them as adults.</p>

<p>Enlist their help in setting classroom rules for order and respect. They should own the rules, too.</p>

<p>If someone is rude or out of line, call him on it. Don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. Everyone has the right to respectful treatment.</p>

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<p>I work with a program called Upward Bound over the summer. I actually make a point of teaching a lesson about the achievement gap at the end of the summer, which they really take to. I teach math personally, but life extends outside the classroom. Feel free to message me if you have specific questions.</p>

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<p>Don’t make assumptions about the students. Get to know them individually. Show respect and empathy as you would to anyone else.</p>

<p>Help your mentees identify their strengths and capabilities, make goals for the future, and take action steps towards their goals. </p>

<p>If you are not familiar with mindset theory (Carol Dweck), I’d recommend you read up on it.
Teaching the growth mindset can be very helpful.</p>

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<p>Help them find interests to major in, help them find colleges where they will be successful(which could easily be higher level LACs and universities) and help them learn about financing and how to get it. And treat them like intelligent individuals with a future, not like people you need to control.</p>

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<p>Help them learn about affirmative action (please, I’m making the assumption you are not ignorant about it and there are people out there who are seriously like “It’s when less qualified people take more qualified people’s spots” or “You can get into a college because you’re black!” It’s not a free ticket, or else minority representation would skyrocket at universities. I digress.) and financial aid. A lot of low-income (not to assume all these kids are low-income) don’t get the aid they need because nothing is ever guaranteed, BUT a lot of low-income families do. Attracting achieving, socioeconomically disadvantaged students is a challenge because many may think they could never afford that kind of education.
I think helping them learn about the college admissions process is valuable in itself. Help them realize what it takes to gain admission and scholarships. Help them see what a “typical” path to college looks like.</p>

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<p>^^OP is in the UK, where US affirmative action laws do not apply.</p>

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<p>Sorry, must’ve misread. Thanks for letting me know! Although there are forms of minority recruitment, right (probably not at a university level, I guess)? And education on financial aid could still apply.</p>

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<p>I actually go to school with a lot of “disadvantaged” teenagers. Honestly, you shouldn’t treat them any differently than other students. It is pretty offending when people tell us, “Since you guys are disadvantaged…” and stuff like that. If you want a good relationship with them then try to make a connection with them other than something about academics (it could be about movies, music, tv shows, food, languages, etc). You should encourage them to go to college or a university even if they don’t have a good chance. They want to hear that they have a chance just like everyone else not that they don’t just because of the place that they had no choice but to live in.</p>

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<p>I made reference to this earlier, but I think it got lost in a rather large post of replies! Anyway, I have worked with kids from backgrounds that are not dissimilar, but they were younger and it was in a non-educational environment. Perhaps the best way to describe my own background (particularly in my high school years) is socially advantaged, but economically disadvantaged. I get the ‘full package’ of financial help for university, and my parents don’t need to contribute financially, because of their low / non-existent incomes; I also received financial support from the government during my last two years of high school due to my parental income. </p>

<p>Luckily the UK system of financial support is guaranteed, based on parental income and (almost) identical between different universities, so it will be fairly easy to guide them through it. That said, they will almost certainly need guiding through properly as a major barrier to people applying to university is a lack of understanding about the finance options available, as they have recently been overhauled, amidst much media attention and a few riots. </p>

<p>Affirmative action tends to be a rather more subtle thing, but then the UK never had Jim Crow laws etc. (and correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve always thought of affirmative action laws as something of a backlash against Jim Crow laws). It is illegal to discriminate on the grounds of ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, national origin and suchlike, but there are limited and fairly isolated affirmative action-style programmes. </p>

<p>This mentoring is part of a wider programme that could be referred to as a form of affirmative action based on social background, and if you’re going to find something that looks like affirmative action then it is likely to be in university admissions, and based on socio-economic factors. You still have to show that you’re academically able, it’s more of a recognition that socio-economic factors can cause people to underperform at school, and once out of that environment and away at university they tend to do better. For instance, this scheme (nothing to do with me / my mentoring) allows people from certain backgrounds to get into university with slightly lower grades (equivalent to the difference between AP 555 and 544) [University</a> of Leeds - A2L](<a href=“http://www.leeds.ac.uk/ace/PS/a2l_Eligibility.html]University”>http://www.leeds.ac.uk/ace/PS/a2l_Eligibility.html) </p>

<p>Will have to work out what we have in common outside academia when I get there, though I’m not sure sports are going to be on the list, unless they’re equally allergic to mandatory exercise!</p>

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<p>Bethie beat me to it, earlier: listen to them. You may also need to be flexible with your short- and long-term goals. </p>

<p>My college dau has been mentoring kids from a 3rd world immigrant community and often stops to let them be themselves (their family values don’t allow much of that for the girls, once they leave the school setting.) She’s now also working with high school ESL and a (pre)college mentor program and finds many of these kids don’t get the routine respect from others (including teachers, which blows her mind) that we have come to expect, in our own lives. She’s careful to be patient. And tries to recognize individual differences in strengths and where they need help. </p>

<p>Good for you for doing this. My other girl is involved in similar ways and they find it fulfilling and inspiring. Best wishes.</p>

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<p>1) Don’t coddle them. You need to be realistic about their obstacles.</p>

<p>2) Let them know that to do well in college they MUST get into the habit of working hard NOW AND during their time in college. It MUST be second nature. </p>

<p>The problem with poorer schools with limited resources is that the best students (grade-wise) haven’t really been tested. On average, it’s easier to be in the higher rankings without working hard, when MOST of their classmates are performing poorly due to lack of resources. The students from the well-to-do schools ALL have resources: At home or at school. Everyone has a chance to do well. So the better students from these “well-to-do” schools had to work harder, because their classmates have the same resources as them.</p>

<p>Bottom line: The good students from the affluent high schools do well in college because they are used to working hard. The good students from the poor schools may or may not perform well in college because most didn’t have to work really hard to shine above their classmates. </p>

<p>3) Tell them that tests are a necessary evil, but the primary goal of learning is not to get an A or to please teachers or parents. They must learn to want to learn, for themselves.</p>

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<p>Try very hard to treat them as adult peers, not children. Inquire about their life & make it seem like you really do care (for example, if a boy mentions something about an upcoming basketball game, make sure you ask him later how it went). Also, wear something really casual when you meet with them, such as jeans and a sweatshirt. School-wise, have them stay on top of academics (obviously) and really encourage them to do research on their own on colleges, majors, and scholarships. In particular, there are a lot of scholarships for first generation college goers.</p>

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<p>my son does mentoring and was asking about getting a cell phone for his student
<a href=“https://www.safelinkwireless.com/Enrollment/Safelink/en/Public/NewHome.html[/url]”>https://www.safelinkwireless.com/Enrollment/Safelink/en/Public/NewHome.html&lt;/a&gt; </p>

<p>Yes, I do believe the poor are entitled to a cell phone. My son mentors someone in NYC </p>

<p>Also, depending on where they live, they may be able to get internet access at low cost with a highly discounted laptop/netbook. I also consider this a necessity and it helps level the playing field. check with local cable provider</p>