<p>My father, who I don’t live with and who is completely out of touch with what’s appropriate for a teenager, presented me with a new Mercedes sedan for graduation.</p>
<p>While I of course like the car, I am embarrassed. I was raised by my mother to not show any outward signs of extreme privilege.</p>
<p>I want a car in college and have been saving for a modest one. I’m not sure what to do. My dad will be offended if I don’t keep it and surely won’t help me maintain a clunker. He thinks I’m being silly and that many kids will have similar cars. He says it’s all about safety, he wants me in a new car with the latest safety features and a good car that won’t break down.</p>
<p>Will I present as a typical NYC prep school brat if I keep the car? What will I be saying to my future peers?</p>
<p>People won’t judge you by your car alone. Don’t make a big deal out of it, either as an awesome toy or as a major embarrassment, and other people aren’t likely to do so, either.</p>
<p>One of my closest friends came to college with a brand new Audi…similar story to yours. He was very embarrassed, even though he went to a fairly ‘wealthy’ school. But he was an incredibly friendly, modest, low-maintenance guy, and the only reason anyone ever knew about the nice car was if he gave them a ride somewhere. Any comments, and he’d kind of roll his eyes, quickly mention that it was fun to drive and he appreciated having it, but it was more than he really wanted or needed. He didn’t give anyone a reason to think that he was anything other than a great, down-to-Earth guy who’d happened into a very nice vehicle. And we all loved riding in it :)</p>
<p>I suppose attitudes might vary by school/region, but IMO, if you don’t treat it like a big deal, it probably won’t be one. Ditto sherpa…thank dad and enjoy.</p>
<p>My D hs a friend (maybe the same person) with a brand new Audi. Freshmen are not allowed to have cars on their campus, so they got to know him without the car, and since he is an unassuming modest person - he spent a week at my house, I know - they just enjoy “riding in style”.</p>
<p>Can you do this, tell Dad there is concern about the car being defaced or vandalized in the distant parking lots assigned to frosh (I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if that wasn’t true), and you want to wait to take the Mercedes until you can park closer to the dorm. If I was your Dad that is what I would want you to do anyway. Of course if you are going to big state U around here, you won’t be the only mercedes in the parking lot.</p>
<p>Finally, it does you justice that you are concerned about the impact of the car. The whole situation shows how much both your parents love you, even if Dad is a little clueless - you are very fortunate, not all divorce kids are so blessed.</p>
<p>There is a tried and true saying that has endured the test of time and seems tailored to your situation:</p>
<p>Never look a gift horse in the mouth</p>
<p>This seems strange to me on many levels. First, perhaps my opinion is of no account seeing as we did not buy our daughter and automobile at any price or class on any momentous occasion (we paid for her college). We leave that business to her. Perhaps you would have preferred someone more like me, as a father? I think not.</p>
<p>And always remember: it is bad form to suggest to anyone but a Trojan that there gift is any way too much to accept.</p>
<p>Vanity is vanity no matter which way you run with it; either to appear ritzy or humble makes no significant difference.</p>
<p>The Mercedes will be, apparently, ‘your cross to bear’ in this world. Not bad as these things go.</p>
<p>You have a car…for free: Whether you deserve it or not.
Enjoy it.</p>
<p>I think her concerns are valid as far as her worrying about people looking at her different because of her car. Then again, how often will you be driving it anyway? You can get to know people before they ever see your car and you’ll be fine. But the truth is while that’s a very, very nice car it’s not really something that (to me at least) screams “LOOK AT ME I’M RICH!” It’s just a very nice car. So try not to worry about it and just act normal.</p>
<p>Hey wait I work hard so that hopefully I deserve good fortune!</p>
<p>I guess I’ve seen one too many of the Sweet 16 show episodes where some spoiled, whiny girl in Chanel (wait, make that some tacky designer) gets a high end car as one of her presents!</p>
<p>It’s not about debt, I am from a privileged family as will be about 50% of my classmates. Many of the others will be there because their low income status helped them get there. I attended a HS know for wealthy, snobby kids. I just don’t want to be pegged as such and am afraid people won’t give me a chance based on outward appearance. Remember how they hate the prep school girls in Charlotte Simmons?</p>
<p>My dad said something interesting this morning. He said he bought this car because what is money for if not to keep your kids safe. He said if anything happened to me while driving and he had chosen a car not as heavy and safe, he would forever fell he hadn’t used his good fortune the right way.</p>
Believe me, people can smell fear. And our critics are also much better at sorting out our affectations than those that posses them are at abusing them. </p>
<p>Embrace who you are now and keep building a better person by discovering and creating who you imagine yourself becoming not defining yourself by political fashion and material possession: you will win the respect of everyone but the posers; the opposite path lay social damnation and self condemnation.</p>
<p>From the way your father’s talking, just be glad he didn’t gift you with a Hummer and body armor. I wouldn’t worry about it. The opinions of those who judge you completely by the car you drive won’t matter much anyway. At most colleges, very few people will see you in it anyway unless you choose to cruise through campus on a regular basis.</p>
<p>Enjoy the car. You sound like a sensitive and compassionate person and people will want to be friends with you because of your personal qualities, not because of what car your drive.</p>
<p>newyorka - can you trade cars with the parent that you live with? As some of the posters point out you may have to park your car in a distant parking lot. Check the police reports on campus for your college to see what types of incidents are reported by students.</p>
<p>That way you can show your dad that your car might not be the safest to have on campus although it might be the safest to drive. Good luck and double check whether freshmen are even allowed to have cars on campus as some schools do not allow freshmen to have cars!</p>
<p>Here’s what you should do: pay it forward, by using the car to help others. Be generous in giving rides, picking people up at the train station, being the designated driver, helping people move, delivering meals on wheels.</p>
<p>“Good luck and double check whether freshmen are even allowed to have cars on campus as some schools do not allow freshmen to have cars”…excellent point (surprised it took until post #14)…</p>
<p>If freshman are allowed to have cars, the answer to the OP’s question TOTALLY depends on where she is going to school…and what the “campus culture” is at that particular school…
If she is attending a school in which ALOT of kids have nice cars (that is the impression she gave in an earlier post) then a Mercedes E will not appear out of the ordinary (without naming a certain school, a Mercedes would be on the “low end” of the scale)…If she attends a school where kids bring clunkers due to culture (or weather for that matter), it may seem “over the top”, so IMO I would wait until you are a sophomore…</p>
<p>I would be worried about that. If you do end up bringing it, make sure you have excellent insurance! </p>
<p>How about trading cars with the parent you live with for the first semester as you scope out how secure the parking area is? (a variation of the Westcoastmom suggestion)</p>
<p>But if you bring it, your friends at college will probably not see your car much. I agree with student615’s advice. Just don’t make a big deal about it. If you say “Oh, I am SO embarrassed about my car” it will draw attention to “you drawing attention to your car.”</p>
<p>Just don’t make a big deal about it – that’s going to make you look worse/tackier.</p>
<p>I was in your shoes when I first brought my car to college (NYC prep school, expensive car), and if you just don’t care and are thankful that you have a car at all, it’ll be fine. If you’re worried about the truly low income kids being jealous or thinking a certain way of you, that’s a) a pretty judgmental thought and imo, comes across as snobbier than a Mercedes and b) don’t you think its possible that they could be jealous you even have a car at all? Other kids on your campus could very well have expensive cars, and you probably won’t be the only one with a Mercedes. Don’t worry about it, don’t make a big deal of it. The only way people will think negatively toward you (in the Charlotte Simmons sense) is if you make a big deal about your car… by the time we graduated and lived off campus, I’d say all my friends living off campus had a car for commuting purposes, and quite a few of those had luxury cars, and the only time you thought any were snobby were the two boys with souped up BMWs that talked about them any chance they could get. And, if all else fails, you have the benefit of being from a city where people don’t need cars on a day to day basis – if someone says something about your car, you could always just say “Yeah, it’s my mom’s… she figured I’d need a car more regularly here than she would in the city.”</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the advice. I’m just not going to worry about it. I did some research on parking etc., and saw that everyone is right in that it won’t be parked near my dorm if I wish so people won’t often see it.</p>
<p>bluestar7, I think I’m being realistic, not judgmental. Many of my HS friends were on scholarship. I, along with them, was often taken aback and even disgusted by the excess many of our classmates demonstrated.</p>