Messies vs Neaties....Is it nature? nurture? what?

Parent Cafe
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<p>“Messies” vs “Neaties” …nature? nurture? What???</p>

<p>The Parents Forum has a thread about dorm bathrooms being nasty and some parents feeling the need to clean them up either before Move in or during Move out (to avoid fines). On the other hand, some parents have kids that will do a great job cleaning all on their own. </p>

<p>It’s apparent that some kids are just really good about cleaning up after themselves and doing chores than other kids are. Don’t mean to be sexist, but it seems that more-often-than-not the boys’ keep their bathrooms worse than the girls (although some girls are bad, too, and some boys are very clean). </p>

<p>One of my sons is terrible about cleaning bathrooms, kitchens, bedrooms, even doing his laundry…he’ll wait til there isn’t anything clean left to wear. </p>

<p>It’s not like he wasn’t made (nagged) to do these things at home. We had the typical “chore charts” and “house rules” and “negative consequences” when chores were’t done…but he just doesn’t really care about those things. He was shown how to do these things. He knows HOW to do these things. He has DONE these things at home. But, left to his own devices, he just doesn’t care. When he was little, I’d have him take his clothes off and put them into the hamper…but once he was too old for me to be standing there while he undressed, the floor became the clothes destination…even after hearing me nag when I’d see them there later. </p>

<p>The other son likes to have a clean and neat room, bathroom, etc. He carefully checks his clothes for stains, pre-treats them, and carefully folds/hangs them when the dryer stops, and will iron/touch-up if necessary. </p>

<p>I know that it’s not only boys who can be “messies,” my best friend has some horror stories about her older D that shock my friend and the younger D. </p>

<p>I can understand how it can be if a kid was never expected to do these things (remember the girl who told her roomie that “she doesn’t do toilets”? lol). But, this sort of thing happens even when these kids were taught and expected to do these things. And, it doesn’t just happen when a child thinks, “hmmm, if I don’t do it, mom will.” Even when mom wouldn’t do it, or mom isn’t even in the same state, these kids will still be “messies.” </p>

<p>In the other thread, there seemed to be a split of strong opinions between parents who’ve been blessed with kids like my “Neatie” kid and parents who’ve been ha ha “blessed” with kids like my “Messie” kid. Since I have one of each, I’m at a loss to all of this. </p>

<p>I can only conclude that it isn’t just “nurture” that creates “Messies” and “Neaties”. There must be something “in the genes” (or whatever) that influences these differences. </p>

<p>Thoughts?</p>

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<p>I am probably on the ocd spectrum for neatness. S is incredibly messy, which just about killed me. He now has a girlfriend who does his laundry and cleans up after him. And they don’t live together. D is a little better, but is a long way from being neat. I’m sure it’s all my fault.</p>

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<p>DD is our biggest slob, her twin brother is by far our neatest child, the other two fall in the middle except for their bathroom which I refuse to enter any more. For DH and I, he likes everything in it’s place but there could be 2" of dust on everything and he wouldn’t notice. Me, I don’t mind some stuff laying around but I don’t like the house to be dirty.</p>

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<p>D is very messy; S will clean up his room upon request. H is very very messy (everything he touches is potentially important and cannot be removed without his knowledge and agreement). </p>

<p>I am neat-ish but not obsessive. Certain areas have to be clean for me (kitchen, bathroom) and I have learned to live with a certain family daily messy-ness. I used to spend most of my free time cleaning, only to have them mess it up again, which would make me upset, then I kind of gave up on that. Life is too short. Yes, I’d love to have the kind of home where it’s always presentable and clean and ordered – to me it’s instantly relaxing if I can see clean surfaces and pleasant surroundings – like when you go to a hotel and everything looks good – but I don’t have that kind of home or life.</p>

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<p>DH is great at cleaning toilets, he does not do sinks.Is he a neaty or a messy?</p>

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<p>I don’t remember what I own, or where it is unless I can see it.
:o</p>

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<p>I am looking toward an empty nest in August and I bought a book on organization yesterday; I will let you all know how that works out. </p>

<p>Hubby is a nut about stuff being in its place. In his defense, he went to West Point when you couldn’t have trash in your waste basket. I am a closet slob;'the only reason I work is so that someone else can clean my house. My daughter is a mess. My son cleans up fast when he is told. I do keep my kitchen, clothing, and SELF clean.</p>

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<p>H and D are very neat and organised and actually enjoy doing the work it requires. I like a clean and tidy house but am untidy by nature. S is a slob whose bedroom floor is both his cupboard and his laundry hamper and youngest D is halfway between everyone…so I think it’s nature; they all grew up with the same rules and in the same environment.</p>

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<p>Sometimes, I look at Dh and see a star of a future episode of Hoarders:Buried Alive. He has his own bathroom, which no one else uses and since no one else uses it, I won’t clean. Yet he has a thing about the floor not being vacuumed.</p>

<p>The kids are both girls. One is tidy. We refer to the other one’s room as “the landfill”. Nature? Nurture? I’ve no clue.</p>

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<p>I am messy - whatever space I have gets cluttered. I actually got spoken to about it many moons ago when I worked in an office, argh! I can always FIND anything quickly - I know what pile it’s in. I have never liked file folders - I tend to lose stuff that way.</p>

<p>DH is very neat. So he does a good bit of picking up and periodically gets annoyed with me. I think it’s nature - my mom sure tried to get me to improve!</p>

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<p>I asked to moves offices on campus this year. I told my boss that the only way an Army wife’s place gets cleaned is to move. When I was a kid, my dad called me Sack Annie because I always had stuff in a bag. Imagine my delight with having all the canvas bags available today.</p>

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<p>^^
I love tote bags, too! :)</p>

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<p>I am messy at home, neat at work. My DH is messy as well. We have raised a very neat child. We blame it on his astrology sign, Virgo, since he did not learn it from us.</p>

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<p>We tease myyoungest D that she is becoming a hoarder. Her room and bathroom are beyond messy. Clothes,makeup, cups, trash, papers,old school assignments,empty shampoo bottles, wet towels, all her horse junk, ribbons and more clothes. You don’t know what is clean and what is dirty. I don’t think she does either. I look forward to her going away to school so the room can be cleaned and aired out.I know she knows how to clean because she does it at her job.
I am sometimes messy but I like clean. H is a neat freak.
S used to be messy but not anywhere at the level of his sister but how has turned over a new leaf and is almost tidy.
Older D no longer lives with us so we don’t have to see her mess. She is messy but will reach a point where she cleans everything and begins the process all over again.
H also keeps the inside of his car clean, mine is okay, S is in the middle and younger D’s car is a disaster zone.
D has friends whose rooms look like something out of a pottery barn catalog. Bed made with pillows arranged with everything in the room having a place. We probably should have enforced cleaning the room more.</p>

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<p>2 different questions. Shared space is very difficult to keep clean if no one has explicit responsibility. Everyone thinks they aren’t really making a mess and is loathe to clean up for the benefit of other people who aren’t cleaning up. Net result is a pig sty.</p>

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<p>I needed this thread right now. I like things to be clean and neat, but I am not nearly as tidy as my mom. My DD, on the other hand, is a slob. She is home for the summer and I have been berating myself for not doing a better job of raising her. I have been blaming myself and wishing I could go back in time and have a “re-do” in this area. My hunch is that no matter what I would have done, her standards and mine would have been different. After reading your posts I am going to give myself a pass on this and focus on all the good things about her.</p>

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<p>2 different questions. Shared space is very difficult to keep clean if no one has explicit responsibility. Everyone thinks they aren’t really making a mess and is loathe to clean up for the benefit of other people who aren’t cleaning up. Net result is a pig sty.</p>

<p>I think that is what goes on with en suite bathrooms in dorms…and probably shared bathrooms/bedrooms at home.</p>

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<p>I have often berated myself thinking…I should have tried this…or I should have tried that. I wonder if I had done some subtle brainwashing when my messie son was very young…lol.</p>

<p>However, I’m convinced that there are people whose minds are such that they just don’t think spending time on being neat is worth it. They’d rather spend their efforts elsewhere. </p>

<p>I think some also don’t leave enough time for certain tasks, so they don’t allow time for clean-up. If it takes them 30 minutes to get ready in the morning, then that’s all they budget, so they wake up 30 minutes before they need to leave. So, they have a ready made excuse not to tidy as they go…they don’t have time. </p>

<p>I think that people who are tidy allow more time for things. If they need to leave by 7:30 am, they might get up at 6 am, get dressed, eat, and have time to load the washer, unload the dishwasher that ran overnight, etc…then they go on their way. The messies are sleeping in til the last minute. lol (at least that what I’ve noticed.)</p>

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<p>My mother was very neat. She’s an obsessive list maker too. I’m not convinced though that it’s her natural state - I think she was trained by years in the foreign service and the need to make sure we made a good impression. So maybe I’ve inherited her natural slobbiness. No idea what my Dad was naturally, my Mom was in charge of the house. I’ve read enough organization books to be pretty sure the secret to being organized is having a place for everything and not bringing anything into the house until you have a place for it. Right now my basement is full of stuff I brought home from downsizing my Mom and all of S2’s college stuff, most of which he won’t be taking with him on a junior year abroad. My biggest issue is newspapers - I never quite keep up with the New York Times even though we only get it Fri/Sat/Sun. I always feel especially guilty about the Book Reviews which I just can’t bring myself to toss even though I’m pretty sure as subscriber I can access them all.</p>

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<p>

The majority of our family are the messies then. Every time we need to take DS to catch a flight early in the morning, two may insist the alarm clock be set to, say, 6:00 am and one insists it be set to 5:30 am or even 5:15 am.</p>