<p>Hey parents! I thought I would post this here because I’m seriously wondering what the ‘adult’ thing is to do here, and when it becomes ‘okay’ to start using first names. I’m a HS senior, and I’m getting to that age/circumstance where I’m not sure how to address other adults I am emailing/calling/talking with.</p>
<p>I was born and raised in the south, and so my default instinct has always been Mr.---- or Ms.------, and up until about this year, that worked out well for me. I’ve been addressing college interviewers in that same way, but I’ve been emailing for other (job) things lately, and things just add to the confusion.</p>
<p>For example:
I danced with a pre-professional dance company up until I was a junior and moved away for school, where I knew all of the adults as parents of my friends, and addressed them as such. I’ve been volunteering this break, however, with the company at the front of the house because my sister just started dancing with the company. Now I’m volunteering with the company, and naturally, all of the adults refer to each other by their first names. When I was talking to the other mothers I knew, I would address them by their last names, but when I was talking about them and used their last names, it would frequently cause confusion. I’m also working more with mothers I never knew, and in that case, when I don’t know their last name, but just their first, I’m seriously lost.</p>
<ol>
<li>I’ve been in email correspondance when applying for a couple of jobs lately, and I don’t know when it is appropriate to do what. I tend to use the last name when I first contact them, but when their signature is just their first name, I’m not sure if that is an auto-signature they use for all emails or how they prefer to be addressed by everybody, and I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to ask (gracefully).</li>
</ol>
<p>I know this (may) seem like a silly issue, but it’s been something that I go back and forth on, especially because I’m not an ‘adult’ in the sense that I’m a working professional yet, but I’m also working with them to the point where it seems clunky to use last names completely. I would appreciate any insight on what y’all prefer or notice.</p>
<p>I am in the midwest. My parents’ rule was use “Mr.” or “Mrs.” for anyone greater than 10 years older (sometimes less). I’m 49 and it’s still my comfort zone…I have never been comfortable calling MIL #1 or MIL #2 by their first names. My parents were also teachers so maybe that’s part of their preference. </p>
<p>GF of S1 and S2 have always called me by my first name.</p>
<p>In a job application situation, I would always be more formal than less.</p>
<p>With job apps/professional situations, is there ever a point where it becomes annoying or overkill? In this particular application process, the other person always signs her email with her first name, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s a subtle hint that that is what she prefers.</p>
<p>I agree. If she is offended by the Miss/Mrs., she’ll ask you to call her by her first name. I have had young folks at work call me Mrs - and I always tell them to call me by my first name…no problem.</p>
<p>gouf, I would do that in “familiar” situations. My daughter’s boyfriend addresses me that way. It’s polite, but not too formal…for jobs and such, I would stick to traditional formal until told otherwise.</p>
<p>If they actually get married, I’ll ask him to call me by my first name.</p>
<p>We did this at work on a regular basis. Guess everyone was southern or adapted. My boss was Mr./Miss First name and so were all working colleagues. We were friends outside of work but somehow it kept a sense of respect in the work setting without being too formal or too casual. Outside of our immediate office group it was strictly Mr/Ms Last Name.
And outside the office it was first names.
I personally think it’s a wonderful way to show respect and familiarity at the same time. I’m hard pressed to think of a better alternative.</p>
<p>This actually reflects your sensitivity to communication nuance. My personal strategy is to be more formal until I’m encouraged to become informal, and what I actually do is to awkwardly avoid using any names at all whenever possible. ;)</p>
<p>It’s pretty normal to call someone by their first name around here, though I tend to go formal unless introduced otherwise. </p>
<p>I struggled with writing emails about grad school questions. A lot of times, I couldn’t even figure out if I was addressing a male or a female! I often just started the emails with “Hello,” and it seems to be OK. Again, err on the side of being more formal and people will often correct you. </p>
<p>When I worked at a school they called me Miss First Name. I loathed it. It just grates on my ears for some reason but the teacher wouldn’t let them call me by just my first name and my last name was too difficult for many of the kids to say (ELL kids).</p>
<p>I must say that the Miz firstname thing is just a great invention by southerners. I wish I felt comfortable adopting it. :)</p>
<p>I would stay formal until invited to do otherwise.</p>
<p>Of my S’s HS friends, most of whom I’ve known since they were 6, I’ve noticed that one whom I know particularly well calls me by my first name, a few call me Mrs. X (ironically, S’s last name but not mine!), and some try to avoid calling me anything at all. The latter was the solution I adopted with my inlaws. :D</p>
<p>Roman–where and when I grew up anybody older than you (someone mentioned 10 years which sounds good) was Mr/Mrs/Miss Last name. If they said, “Oh! Just call me First Name!” It was still Mr/Mrs/Miss Last Name. If they still wanted a first name basis, it turned into a “Hey You, avoid any name” situation. It’s probably changed but a lot of older people take offense if you use their first name familiarly unless they’ve asked you to use it.
In doctor’s offices I’m always dismayed when the receptionist say’s “Hi First Name!” and my mom cringes. I wouldn’t mind but my mom does–different times. I’ve learned to never assume how to address an older person whom I’m not familiar with or haven’t been formally introduced to. Until told otherwise, I go with Mr/Ms Last Name if there is a great age difference between us.</p>
<p>Yes… I recognize the fact that it is different where different people grew up. My dad grew up in the same place I did and it was the same there decades ago… whereas my mom grew up elsewhere and they did more of the formal thing… </p>
<p>And as I’ve said, I will go more formal if unsure… or more generally, I just avoid names whenever possible.</p>
<p>If you have that ELL situation again I’d suggest you do what our kids’ nursery school teachers did and have a shortened version of your last name. I can’t even remember what Mrs. Pag’s real name was, though I remember it was Italian.</p>
<p>I think it’s okay to use Mr. and Mrs. until someone asks you to call them by their first name, but it would be nice if they noticed there’s a problem.</p>
<p>I find that emails are so informal that everyone switches to first names right away, and many just say Hi, or Hello and no name at all. (At least that’s what I’ve observed my clients do to me!)</p>
<p>We have lots of foreign doctors where I live and work with totally unpronounceable long names All of them have shortened versions of their names that are routinely used in all settings.</p>
<p>I say go to formal name first and if that seems awkward as the relationship progresses ask! I recently had that situation with a new boss. Everyone was tiptoeing around it so I went in there and told him people were wondering and how did he want to be addressed. Then I left his office and told everyone else. Problem solved.</p>