Michigan short answer

<p>This is a response to michigan's diversity short answer (what you will contribute to UMich):</p>

<p>After moving to Wadsworth, I felt an immense culture shock. I had previously lived in India and Canada. The Western culture had never influenced me since I had always lived in an Indian community. Even in Canada, I lived in a neighborhood where Indians were prevalent. The neighborhood provided all the products that could be found in India. Wadsworth, however, only had a minority percentage of less than five.
This change was a learning experience. While my parents instilled Indian traditions at home, I experienced the American culture through my friends and peers. Soon I was able to combine the best of both worlds to create a unique identity for myself. The learning didn’t always happen on my side. Teachers and students alike were curious with my background and language. In class discussions, I am sometimes asked to give an “Indian perspective” on an issue. For example, I talked about arranged marriages in my English class. I educated my peers in Indian music, food, entertainment, and beliefs.
Over the past summer, I worked at the International Institute of Akron (IIA). The Institute provided legal counseling, ESL and computer classes, and children’s programs. I taught the computer class for refugees. Most of my students had never seen a computer. The class focused on very basic computer skills. I was able to connect with them personally because I’d been through the same phase when I first moved to America. I worked at the IIA because my family often went there for help. In Michigan, I would continue to involve in activities like this. Finally, I’d join some of the many ethnic clubs. I'd like to learn about more about the different cultures and their similarities.</p>

<p>Criticism is greatly appreciated, thanks.</p>

<p>pleeeeeeeeeeaasssee anything would help! Thanks.</p>

<p>I like it. The fact that you're Indian definitely speaks to how you would contribute to the diversity of the campus an you've demonstrated that you won't simply shut yourself in your room and worry about your GPA. Would you join any clubs aside from the ethnic clubs? If so, say it. If you join the Indian Club (or whatever its' called) that won't necessarily lend to the overall experience at Mich because you've aligned yourself with other Indians. I think you should talk a little about what you would give to the non-Indians at Mich. Just one sentence...to balance the sentence about the ethnic club. How will you connect with the white student from Idaho who has never seen/met an Indian person before and wants to learn more aout who you are and what your culture represents?</p>

<p><em>REVISED</em>
After moving to Wadsworth, I felt an immense culture shock. I had previously lived in India and Canada. The Western culture had never influenced me since I had always lived in an Indian community. Even in Canada, I lived in a neighborhood where Indians were prevalent. These neighborhoods were often referred to as “Little India.” Wadsworth, however, only had a minority percentage of less than five. </p>

<pre><code>This change was a learning experience. While my parents instilled Indian traditions at home, I experienced the American culture through my friends and peers. Soon I was able to combine the best of both worlds to create a unique identity for myself. However, the learning didn’t always happen on my side. Teachers and students alike were curious with my background and language. In class discussions, I was sometimes asked to give an “Indian perspective” on an issue. For example, I talked about arranged marriages in my English class. I also educated my peers in Indian music, food, entertainment, and beliefs.
</code></pre>

<p>My first chance to experience the University of Michigan was when I attended the Michigan Debate Camp for three weeks. This was an invaluable experience in that I was able to explore the campus, and observe its diverse student body. I felt that this would be the perfect place to explore my interests. I would contribute to this talented student body by volunteering in various activities. My experience in working at the hospital and the International Institute of Akron show my interest and care in giving back to the community. </p>

<p>Michigan’s reputation for being a vastly diverse institution allows for different perspectives. I would participate in the Indian Students Association to enlighten the student body on Indian culture and heritage. While ethnic clubs mostly tend to attract only one group, I would try to implement a club that would include many different cultures. This allows for any student to get a glimpse of the world in one place.</p>

<p>"Wadsworth, however, only had a minority percentage of less than five. "
Change to:
'Wadsworth was predominantly white with minorities at less than five percent'.</p>

<p>"This change was a learning experience."
Change to :
'This move was a learning experience for me'.</p>

<p>"Teachers and students alike were curious with my background and language."
Change to:
"Teachers and students alike were curious about my background and language I spoke at home'.</p>

<p>"My first chance to experience the University of Michigan was when I attended the Michigan Debate Camp for three weeks. "
Change to :
'My first experience (or glimpse) of the University of Michigan was at the Michigan Debate Camp that lasted for 3 weeks'.</p>

<p>How about changing the last sentence to:
"This would allow greater understanding between different ethnicities and cultures at the University of Michigan and beyond".</p>

<p><em>REVISION 2</em></p>

<p>After moving to Wadsworth, I felt an immense culture shock. I had previously lived in India and Canada. The Western culture had never influenced me since I had always lived in an Indian community. Even in Canada, I lived in a neighborhood where Indians were prevalent. These neighborhoods were often referred to as “Little India.” Wadsworth, however, only had a minority percentage of less than five. </p>

<pre><code>This move was a learning experience for me. While my parents instilled Indian traditions at home, I experienced the American culture through my friends and peers. Soon I was able to combine the best of both worlds to create a unique identity for myself. However, the learning didn’t always happen on my side. Teachers and students alike were curious with my background and language I spoke at home. In class discussions, I was sometimes asked to give an “Indian perspective” on an issue. For example, I talked about arranged marriages in my English class. I also educated my peers in Indian music, food, entertainment, and beliefs.
</code></pre>

<p>My first glimpse of the University of Michigan was at the Michigan Debate Camp, which lasted three weeks. This was an invaluable experience in that I was able to explore the campus, and observe its diverse student body. I felt that this would be the perfect place to explore my interests. I would contribute to this talented student body by volunteering in various activities. My experience in working at the hospital and the International Institute of Akron show my interest and care in giving back to the community. </p>

<p>Michigan’s reputation of being a vastly diverse institution allows for different perspectives. I would participate in the Indian Students Association to enlighten the student body on Indian culture and heritage. While ethnic clubs mostly tend to attract only one group, I would try to implement a club that would include many different cultures. This would allow greater understanding between different ethnicities and cultures at the University of Michigan and beyond.</p>

<p>Just some more comments (that I think I made before):
"Wadsworth, however, only had a minority percentage of less than five. "
Change to:
'Wadsworth was predominantly white with minorities at less than five percent'.</p>

<p>"Teachers and students alike were curious with my background and language."
Change to:
"Teachers and students alike were curious ABOUT my background and language I spoke at home'.</p>

<p>Will do, sorry for missing that before. Thanks again.</p>