<p>My daughter is in 8th grade. Everyday we drive her to the bus stop, there’s this kid who is in her grade (not the same class, thank goodness) standing there waiting for the same bus smoking cigarette. In the winter time he’d be there wearing a pair of shorts. The smoke came out of him, we thought it was his breath against the cold air. Now it’s very clear he is smoking. This morning when my husband took our d. to the bus stop, one 7th grade boy asked if he could get into our car to wait for the bus. My H. thought it was kind of strange because we didn’t really know the boy well. The boy got in and said the reason he wanted to be in our car was he didn’t want to stand there waiting with the smoker. </p>
<p>Should this be a concern of the school? I guess it’s not againste the law. should the school know this?</p>
<p>Well, if a 7th grader cannot legally buy cigarettes, I would think it is against the law. And if it is making the other kids uncomfortable, I would address it with the school. I am not sure what they can do, but at least they have been made aware of the problem.</p>
<p>There have been many a court case where it is argued that a bus stop is an extension of school property. I would let the school know and see if they feel that the bus stop is under the code of conduct of the school.</p>
<p>Many will disagree but I don’t think you should get involved on this. If the school goes to his parents, he will know that someone at the bus stop snitched and it could become an even more disagreeable time in the morning for your daughter. It would be a different story if the kid were hurting or abusing another in some way (and no, second-hand smoke outdoors doesn’t rise to that level). This kid will stop smoking when he realizes that it doesn’t make him seem cool to his peers, something he will become gradually aware of, hopefully. I would reinforce to your daughter, as I did with mine when other kids smoked, the anti-tobacco message by showing pity on this kid, who thinks he looks more grown-up and cool with a cigarette, when really it’s a sign of insecurity.</p>
<p>This advice from, regrettably, a once-upon-a-time middle school smoker.</p>
<p>You could report anonomously if there’s a fear of “snitching”. I wouldn’t want my child standing there with a kid smoking. Anyone driving by could report it, so there’s no way to trace it to an individual.</p>
<p>However, the smell of secondhand smoke is repulsive to many people, so it would not be surprising if others (who dislike secondhand smoke, or the “ashtray” smell that lingers in the smoker’s breath or on his/her clothes) shunned the smoker simply to get away from the unpleasant smell.</p>
<p>^^ I disagree w/ Wildwood, post #4. For some people who are highly allergic, secondhand smoke definitely rises to the level of hurt or abuse. I wouldn’t make my kid stand there. Agree with above posters that anyone could be calling the school to report this.</p>
<p>8th grader flagrantly doing this at a bus stop? I don’t think it bodes well for his future actions.</p>
<p>Why wouldn’t he think it also might be the bus driver, or another passer-by car that reported him? Or a neighbor if the bus stop is in a residential area.</p>
<p>This is a child who has become addicted to something that is as hard to quit as cocaine. If he’s smoking at the bus stop all these months, he’s addicted. He needs help and support. The OP may be able to judge if the school counselor or nurse or administration would have the time and ability to deal with this one-on-one with the student, or if this school has too many bigger problems. Threats and disciplinary actions aren’t going to suddenly make him see the light. They probably have zero legal grounds to discipline him for it since it isn’t happening on school grounds.</p>
<p>My parents would have absolutely said something to the school. I am highly allergic to cigarette smoke and asthmatic and when I was in school I was REQUIRED to stand at the bus stop-- if someone was smoking someplace I was required to sit and smell it, you bet my parents would have intervened, and I think they should. That isn’t fair to the other kids.</p>
<p>Seventh and 8th grade is not too early to start teaching your kids to at least try to handle these situations on their own and learn to tolerate behaviors that are disagreeable (loud talk on cell phones, public swearing) but not necessarily prohibited. If someone is seriously allergic to smoke, then he should be able to ask the smoker to step 10 or 20 feet away. Just because the kid smokes, doesn’t mean he is a jerk. In any case, you can’t know until you try. I think having other kids at the bus stop showing their annoyance without escalating the situation unnecessarily would do much more to deter the smoker than disciplinary actions.</p>
<p>^That’s funny. I see what you mean and I think that might work on an 18 year old, but a 13 year old? Do you honestly think a thirteen year old is mature enough to take that kind of criticism gracefully? I had to eat lunch in the office as an 8th grader because when the other kids found out I had a food allergy they would purposefully spill things I was allergic to onto my food. When I was in school taking someone on like that made you a target for bullying. And then if it doesn’t work and disciplinary action does become necessary, now the kid knows exactly who told.</p>
<p>^Well, if this kid is a tough-guy bully type, then I’d be a lot more worried about other things besides his smoking. And if he gave other kids a hard time for asking him to show some consideration, then he should be disciplined for that behavior. However, without more information from the OP’s daughter (a year older in school) as to what this kid might be like, I wouldn’t assume that he would ignore or react badly to a request to stand farther away, it may even make him just feel embarrassed (seriously).</p>
<p>An update - My daughter told me that boy was suspended from school for one day because he smoked at the bus stop. Apparently someone told the school. My d. talked about telling the principal, but the boy was suspended for a day before she and her friend did that. My D. was absent from school (because of honor band) for two days. Today she went back to school, the boy went back too. They said at the bus stop he did not smoke. hopefully lesson learned.</p>
<p>As the previous thread on bullying noted, defending oneself against a bully usually means that the victim who defends himself/herself gets punished by the school officials.</p>
<p>It’s good that someone told the school and this boy was given to understand that smoking at the bus stop (which is legally considered an extension of school property in many districts) would not be tolerated. The smoking may well be a symptom of other issues this boy may be dealing with, but that shouldn’t give him a pass to place others at risk. My cousin, for instance, has a reactive airway, and this boy’s smoke would have sent her into a full blown asthma attack. Plus, as a society, we should not be hands-off when it comes to thirteen year-olds smoking.</p>