MIL wants to sue everyone

Parent Cafe
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<p>Just wondering if any others see this going on with their aging parents. MIL in her late eighties lost my FIL a few months ago. He was quite old, a lifetime cigarette smoker, overweight and for many years a hard drinker. He had diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, you name it. Lived for a number of years from one doc visit to the next, actively sought out every prescription medicine he thought might help him. Finally died in his sleep after a series of strokes and heart attacks.</p>

<p>Now my MIL is going through their medicine chest and asking us to find out who she can sue for his death. It turns out he took Avandia briefly two years ago. She is calling me daily asking me to help her to contact the law firm handling the class action.</p>

<p>DH and I are just not the “class action let’s sue” types and beyond that we think my FIL died despite the best healthcare he could have possibly received, not because of it.</p>

<p>This is getting difficult because it comes down to a philosophical difference. FWIW, my MIL is quite secure financially, does not need a big legal windfall to make ends meet.</p>

<p>I’ve never been up close to this sort of avariciousness before. I find it really unsavory.</p>

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<p>It isn’t unusual- especially with aging people. They see so much in the news/TV and want to lay the blame on someone else. I hate that.</p>

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<p>Your MIL is grieving. It has to be someone’s “fault”. If she can qualify for a class action suit, and SHE does the work, let her do it. But all that isn’t a likely scenario. </p>

<p>My MIL, now a widow, has LOTS to say about her husband’s death. I listen, and since she is blind, I say uh huh, and continue what I’m doing. And as for the greed, most class actions results (If successful) give lots of money to the attorneys and VERY little to the plaintiffs. But, that aside…</p>

<p>She’s grieving…she needs something(s) positive to do in her life…I suspect that she may also feel a bit of guilt for “letting” the death happen…she needs recognition of her loss…and she needs to accept and live.</p>

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<p>I’m not trying to provide legal advice here, but I suspect that your MIL will have difficulty finding an attorney who is willing to take her case. Even if it could be proven that your FIL’s death was a “wrongful death”, the amount of potential damages would likely be insufficient to entice a personal injury attorney spend the money and time to litigate a case that may not have a payout at the end. Of course, typically, one can always find a personal injury attorney hoping for a quick settlement. </p>

<p>It may sound impersonal, but the damages in wrongful death lawsuits is determined by attributing a value to the deceased person’s lost years of life, much of which is frequently a factor of how much money that person would have made in what would have been their remaining years. There can also be some component of pain and suffering, punitive damages (for particularly egregious or willful harm done) and loss of consortium damages, but all must be proven. Is there some proof of harm done?</p>

<p>In addition, to the extent that your FIL was in poor health, particularly due to self-inflicted damage from drinking and obesity, his poor health from other factors would mitigate any potential damages.</p>

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<p>sewhappy - Sorry to hear about your FIL. I hope hubby is doing OK with it.</p>

<p>The name of the game here is:
(1) delay, distract, defer, disarm; and
(2) do not allow MIL to pay a retainer for representation!</p>

<p>As others have pointed out, no reasonable attorney is going to take this case on a contingency basis. The case is weak, and any award is likely to be years away. But (in our area at least) many attorneys will take a retainer “For expenses of course.”</p>

<p>As for the principal issue … MIL’s loss of both spouse and joy in her life … litigation is a very poor way to make the most of the few years that remain for her.</p>

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<p>agree with what silpat posted; my FIL started this up during the initial stages of his dementia; about a year or so preceding his death…thought that everyone was out to get him and his $$…</p>

<p>please let the doctors know this is going on…</p>

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<p>I agree with what the posters above have said. Issues of abandonment, dementia, depression may be the cause of her fixation. </p>

<p>Decades ago I briefly worked for a firm that defended drug liability cases, and from what you have said, which is not enough to form a legal opinion on (so all caveats apply), it would seem unlikely that she would have a good chance of prevailing. The black box warning on heart attacks went on the box in 2007. He was in terrible shape, elderly, did little to help his own health, and already had several diseases which are contributing factors for stroke and heart attack. In general (this is the People’s court version of the topic in a few sentences only), there must be failure to warn of a known risk in order to prevail. Even if the drug is like rat poison, and may likely kill you (and got FDA approval), as long as it is properly disclosed to the patient, the company is not going to be liable for the injury or death. Obviously, this is a very complex topic with many factors that contribute to a proper opinion, which can’t be done with the little known here.</p>

<p>On a personal note, I would find the situation you describe as unsavory and unpleasant too. Maybe your MIL needs some therapy coming to grips with her loss. This is certainly a difficult adjustment for anyone in her situation facing the loss of a spouse in the later years. Tell MIL that no amount of money is going to bring her spouse back, that her anger is getting in the way of her enjoyment of her own remaining years, that the idea of a lawsuit in this situation is not helpful, and suggest some therapy or support group for her grief.</p>

<p>I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is very hard on the whole family when one aged parent loses their spouse.</p>

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<p>OP here. Thanks everyone for sharing such great insights. Every single post rings true in our situation. She is certainly grieving. She is angry to be old and without her partner of 60+ years. And this money fixation is a very striking change in her personality. She has always been hugely altruistic - gave generously to every cause that approached her and tends to give too much to her adult children who accept it. </p>

<p>I will talk to DH about the concerns on depression and dementia. </p>

<p>Again, really appreciate the insights.</p>

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<p>You are referring to Warfarin or Coumadin here?</p>

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<p>^^Warfarin and Coumadin are the same thing. Warfarin is the generic name. Coumadin is a brand name.</p>

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<p>^^Ucb, I wasn’t really talking about a specific drug, just hypothetically some drug with potentially lethal side effects (of which there are many such drugs). A blood thinner like warfarin is given to help prevent other problems like clots, which could give you a stroke or kill you. What I was trying to say in my brief explanation was that the FDA could approve a drug that may have a high incidence of mortality, but as long as all the risks are properly disclosed to the patient, the company would likely not be responsible if someone died.</p>

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<p>At her age, I certainly agree that she should be tested for depression and dementia. </p>

<p>I was widowed at 33 due to a tragic accident. I had every right to sue but realized that revenge would solve nothing and would only lengthen and increase my pain by re-living everything. The anger she is experiencing is, without doubt, one of the stages of grief. There are many books available that would help her to understand what she’s feeling. </p>

<p>It is also well documented that during the first year or so, she will do and say things that are totally out of character. Most are innocent but some can be personally or financially self destructive. She needs to be watched closely for she is very vulnerable right now.</p>

<p>Assuming that medical causes are ruled out, she needs several outlets for her pain. I see her desire for revenge as a cry for help. For me personally, my 3 year old, my job, my counselor, reading about grief, writing a journal and using a tape recorder got me through (plus great support from my parents).</p>

<p>I found that vocalizing and writing about my emotions, rather than internalizing, were cleansing and calming (my journal and my counselor). She needs her family’s shoulders and ears but she also needs a support group (others who have ‘walked in her shoes’). I wish I had had that option but my rural area had no ‘young widows/widowers’ groups. Ask your local hospitals, hospice, funeral homes and senior groups for recommendations.</p>

<p>Lastly if she’s retired, she needs new reasons to get out of bed every day. Any passions she had before are still there and if not, help her find new ones, with strong encouragement. If she’s physically able, volunteering for those less fortunate or spending time with younger people or kids can give her a new perspective as well as a productive outlet for her emotions. also, spring has arrived, how about a garden?</p>

<p>If she’s not that physically able, can she rock babies in a hospital’s nursery, read to children at the library or seniors in a nursing home, take an art class at your local CC? </p>

<p>There are so many options but she needs to start easing back into the world at her pace, not yours, and creating new routines. Otherwise, she will sit and dwell on her pain and loss which is the natural inclination.</p>

<p>Best wishes and I hope and pray you and your family learning to cope with the pain too.</p>