Military essay help!

 Hello everybody! This is my first post here. I was hoping for advice on my usna nomination essay. My current answer feels like its taking the question too literally: do y'all think that they want me to tie in personal experiences or take a different route? Anything is appreciated, especially constructive criticism.

What is the greatest problem facing the military today? (200 word limit)
China. Allow me to explain. I don’t mean China in the sense that we will ever go to war with them. Due to our strong economic interdependence with the country, it is in the best interests of both states to avoid a traditional military conflict.  However, it has become increasingly clear that China is eager to assert dominance and expand its influence globally. The examples are countless, but to name a few: the continued harassment of Hong Kong, the CCP’s “ownership” of “Chinese Taipei”, and the building of artificial islands to unjustly expand its control of the sea. The American military must tread carefully as we deal with an increasingly aggressive trading partner. Any military action in the region can have wide-reaching detrimental effects on both nations, putting our current scenario, ironically enough, into a figurative minefield. It is my opinion that the greatest challenge will not be in any traditional conflict; America’s military is undisputed as the best in the world. No, I believe it will be the logistical hell and diplomatic caution our military must execute, the balance between supporting sovereign countries with democratic ideals while preserving our mutually beneficial economic relationship with China as much as possible.


This question does not lend itself to your personal experiences, and the content of your answer doesn’t matter much. They simply want to see how well you write, reason, and defend your premise. Nothing more. Pay attention to clarity, brevity, and grammar.

For example, because the purpose of the essay is explanation, there is no need for your second sentence. At any of the academies, you will be taught to lead with a succinct statement of your conclusion and defend from there. I would chuck your first three sentences and lead with a re-work of your conclusion, something along the lines of, “I believe that China poses the greatest threat to our military due to the challenge of maintaining trade relations against increased aggression,” or something to that effect (if that is your point).

When you feel the essay is solid, ask your English teacher for a final review for grammar and any obvious mistakes.

Pay attention to DevilDoc’s response to you on the service academy forum board. His first paragraph is complete sarcasm (you gotta know DevilDoc). I agree with his comment that they aren’t looking for you to address global issues, but whatever slant you take, it is important that your response is crisp, clear, and grammatically correct.

Oh, I thought he was being serious :frowning: . But better to have something to improve on then be filled with hot air and overconfidence! I see your point and I’ll 100% make those changes for the conclusion and beginning. Thanks!!!