I don’t know about cultural… I think it’s different for every family.
My husband and I downsized, have a very nice life a deux… yet we still will welcome our daughter to live with us for a few months as she gets settled in a PhD program in town. She’s lived two thousand miles away for the past 10 years. For DH and me, It’ll be so nice to have her around on a daily basis, to get to know this very different person from the one who left home at 18 to go to college. And she’s grateful to have the opportunity to have some financial breathing room to enable her to buy a car (she hasn’t needed one until now) and save up a bit more money (her program is funded, but it’s still a very modest salary.)
Will I count on her to take care of me in my old age? Of course not.
But should something happen I have already set an example for her: families help each other out when they can. That’s what families should do, IMO.
My parents would rather be dead than in diapers. They’ve always been very adamant about that. It’s why they plan to move to a state with legal doctor-assisted suicide when they’re elderly.
“My parents would rather be dead than in diapers. They’ve always been very adamant about that. It’s why they plan to move to a state with legal doctor-assisted suicide when they’re elderly.”
There are many people out there, some who aren’t even elderly, who do wear diapers. Big difference between being senile and unable to change your own diapers than someone who just wears Depends. I wish my Dad would wear something, because it has completely limited his ability to do things he wants. Even with all his pain and many issues, he’ll go fighting to the grave. Many people don’t find life’s discomforts worth killing themselves for, and many would consider diapers among the more trivial issues. Your parents could easily change their mind.
My mother would rather have died than be in diapers. In the event, the part of her mind that cared about diapers was lost long before she lost the ability to use the bathroom. In the end she neither knew nor cared about diapers.
Wellspring, I think losing my mind would be the thing that bothers me the most. The diapers thing is just one more inconvenience. You think of the things that would be tougher…being blind, disabled,in a wheelchair, in pain, depression, mental illness.At least incontinence can be a temporary state. I can’t imagine it being worse than death.
“. It just seems so… lonely. When I’m old and crippled my kid better be there changing my diapers.”
Oh, no. I would rather my kids visit me to visit, not to care for me, and have paid help change the diapers or do other tasks if (God forbid) they are necessary. Let me retain my dignity with my loved ones.
D has lived with us for the past two years since she since her college graduation. She’s had a good job within a reasonable commute distance. It would have been silly for her to pay rent - and still have the same type of commute.
Now she’s engaged and moving 500 miles away. I will miss her as she was a great adult roommate.
She’s starting on her ‘grown up’ life with no debt and a nice next egg.
Both of our kids know that as along as we are physically able…they will have a roof, a bed and a refrigerator available to them if life throws a curve and they need to regroup.
Our son is moving out in mid July. He’s only been here for a month, but it seems like a week. It’s a great opportunity for him, but he’s moving all the way across the country. Again. I wish we would have taken advantage of the time together more while we could have.
My middle son lived here for three months while waiting for their new house. I loved every minute of it. Oldest spends nights here when he’s too tired to drive to his own place. I also love that. I’d have no problem with any of them living here temporarily or even long term as long as they are self supporting. Why not?
My mom wants me to live with her while I’m in grad school.
NJ doesn’t have many good public schools, and we’re miserable here! She’s planning on moving to the south while I’m in college. I’m trying to convince her to move to Florida, so I’ll have some great (and affordable) public options!
My son came home from NC after my wife died. He was smart enough to bring all of his belongings and has been a big help to me during my own recovery. So he is not living here for financial reasons.
He works from home or drives to the office. His firm recently moved across town and the commute is longer when he drives in. In the fall he will probably get an apartment closer to work and his friends. He has grown and matured a lot this year.
I think boomerang generation is a new term for an old concept. I study genealogy and it’s fairly common to see different generations living in the same home. Sometimes it’s single adult children or a young family living with the parents, but other times it’s the elderly parent(s) living with of one of their children’s families. I think everyone living on their own at ~20 is a more recent custom.
My parents’ home was always open to my siblings and me. Some of us lived at home off and on over the years (to attend college, between jobs, after a divorce, or to raise money to continue our education), but my parents never asked us for money or cared about how long we stayed. I’ve heard other parents tell their kids that when they’re 18, they’re on their own. I would never want that. Our children are welcome to come home whenever they want. But that’s how we were raised. Other families have different customs.
@austinmshauri, Excellent point about previous generations. Look at any census and you will find parents, children, a grandparent or two, boarders, and hired help living together under the same roof. I’ve noticed a fair percentage of families from 100 years ago having one or two twenty-somethings still living at home. These “children” often worked in factories and helped support the family.
Most of my sibs lived at home with my folks until they married or got their own place after they were at least in their 30s.
No one has yet moved back and my folks are now living on their own in a huge 4 bedroom home that they have filled with “stuff.” Every closet is full of clothing plus they have an extra hanging rack for more clothes. Periodically my younger brother has helped clean it, but my folk have a very difficult time discarding anything.
I was in a serious relationship after college. Just living at home for six months really cramped my style. I can’t imagine living at home under those circumstances until marriage.
I just moved home for a short while after completing law school. There was no space to unpack my clothing or do any of the work I brought home and I was very stressed about losing things because the house was so cluttered. It was far better for me to rent my own place, so I found a convenient, affordable place and moved out promptly.
I was able to have options because when I graduated from law school, I had as much money in my savings accounts I owed ($3k), and the salary from my job was excellent and steady, plus I found a great place to live that was very reasonable.
My sibs were fine with living in the family home until they married or got a place of their own a decade or more later.
I moved home for a few years after college - saved up money and put a large down payment down on a house. Different strokes for different folks, right?