Hey everyone…I’m completely unhappy at my college and this is kind of my last resort. I’m not in love with the school as I thought I would be. Volleyball is making me absolutely miserable. I don’t like the sport anymore–and I’m a walk-on, so what’s the point? When I travel, I can’t even dress out. I’ve always been the best and now I just sit the bench. I’ll have to wait until junior year to play. The team is full of high-strung, high-stress assholes (except a few) and the coaches mentally and emotionally abuse us. Additionally, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I love the environment and animals, but these majors usually involve math and science, which I suck at. It’s like I’m bad at everything I love. The answer to this could be going back home and going to the local university, studying environmental science, getting a job waitressing, and living with my cousin and her friends. The problem with this, however, is I would have no clue who I am. Volleyball has ALWAYS defined me, always made me different. I would be just another college kid, which sounds bad, but it’s how I feel. I feel like working may make me just as miserable. And what if I fail at environmental science in the physics and math and orgo courses? Additionally, I feel as though a boy may be influencing me a lot, which is bad. I have been on and off with a guy from back home a lot because I am so far away. If I went home it would solve all of our problems, but if we didn’t work out, I may regret leaving my school. I’m also worried about making new friends. I had tons of friends in high school and on my club team, and even at my current college, but I’m afraid if I move back home with my cousin, I won’t fit in with her friends. And since I’ll be living off-campus, I may not make many new ones. I only know a few people who go there. This is really tearing me up inside. I’m not used to feeling weak, insecure, or unsure of who I am. My personality has been completely diminished on this team and my spirit is crushed. I am thinking about going to counseling.
Counseling sounds like a great place to go and get your feelings sorted out. What you are describing for feelings is not unusual for anyone going through a major transition. If you moved from a place you lived most of your life where you were known, popular and successful to a new place where you are not those things and have to “redefine” yourself" then stress is part of the process. Stress motivates you to figure things out and do well, so it isn’t all bad. You have jumped into a bigger pond so to speak. Think long and hard about giving up too soon. Try the counseling first before making an expensive change.
Are you in your 1st year? Haven’t you just started?
Yes, I have just started. I’ve been at college since June though, as we had to come up early for summer school.
I think what you are experiencing happens more than many people realize. First, don’t leave school for a guy. Second, consider leaving the volleyball team. Is there a club team you could play with instead? Third, talk with an advisor about the various prerequisites for majors you are interested in. The math and science may not turn out to be as bad as you think. And if you find yourself in a challenging course, there is usually support of one sort or another available to students. Just don’t wait too long into the semester to get that support. Good luck to you and, by all means, make an appointment to talk these things through with a counselor.