My mom’s house cleaning couple from Equador also call her Mrs. FirstName and they called my father Mr. FirstName.
Growing up I called my parent’s closet friends Aunt and Uncle but my son called our closest friends/neighbors by their first names. In my family, all my first cousins are called Aunt/Uncles by all our kids. We are all as close as siblings, so. Son’s nursery teachers also all went by their first names.
Only friends of son’s that we didn’t know well or whose parents weren’t friends of ours, called H and me Mrs Lastname/Mr Lastname. That lasted until he went to college where all his friends called us by our first names.
College-aged kids and older – first name. I’d introduce myself as “I’m First name Last name; please call me First name.”
Younger than college age – I’d introduce myself with first name, last name and would not say anything about how I should be addressed. I’d expect them to call me “Ms. (Or Mrs.) Last name,” but wouldn’t get bent out of shape if they called me by my first name (though I’d probably have the fleeting thought that they didn’t have the best manners.)
Yeah, I guess when I think about it,my friends’ kids call me by my first name, and my daughter called my close friends by their first names even when she was a young kid. But her school friends definitely called me “Ms. lastname,” until I told them to use my first name when they started college.
As I think about it, I can’t recall what my DIL or my other s’s gf call me and DH? I think by our first names, but not sure. Wonder if we’ll ever get mom/dad from DIL. She has a slightly different term she calls her mom- cant recall what she calls her dad.
I would have a hard time using mom/dad for in laws when that’s what I call my parents. We call our in laws by their first names. I wonder if it would bother me if one of my kids called their in-laws mom/dad? Maybe slightly, but I guess I’d have to get over it!
I’ve always called my inlaws Mom and Dad and both my parents son in laws call them mom and dad, so it obviously didn’t bother them that I call my inlaws the same as I call them. Tbh, My parents would have been disappointed if their sons-in-laws didn’t call them mom and dad.
My kids attended the high school my H teaches at. So their friends all knew him as “Mr. Lastname”. So of course, I’m “Mrs Lastname”. I’m guessing it will take a long time for any of those friends to call us by first names (though they are certainly welcome to). But if my kids brought home a college friend, I would introduce myself by firstname.
it’s interesting how we all react so emotionally over this!
Emilybee - that’s exactly what I mean - if my kids married into a family where that was the norm, I’d have to get used to it even if secretly I didn’t like it! Not worth discord.
My parents are Grandmom and Granddad to their grandchildren. My dad now lives with a very nice lady friend who has 8 young grandchildren (middle school and younger) who happen to call her Mom-Mom. My kids, as young adults, are old enough that they just call my dad’s lady friend by her first name, but my niece is the age of all these grandchildren and they all play together at the beach, etc. In any case, in a very well meaning attempt to “integrate” my niece into her crew, she suggested that she call her Mom-Mom too. I KNOW it was all meant in the best of intention and not in any way meant to replace my mother as Grandmom but it really rankled my sister and me, and we really had to stop and question why the fierce internal reaction.
Likewise, I don’t know what these kids call my dad - their grandfather (this lady’s husband) had died a few years back - and I suspect they just call my dad by his first name - but if I’m being honest with myself, it would probably bother me internally to see anyone other than my kids/my sister’s kid call him granddad. I’m not proud that this is how I feel, and I wouldn’t make a federal case out of it if it happened; I’d have to bite my tongue and move on.
“Hi, I’m [firstname lastname]”, and I’d expect to be called Mr [lastname] if they had proper manners (that is, defined as “manners the way I was brought up”)—at which point I’d most likely say, “No, go ahead and call me [firstname]”.
Where I live now, though, everybody shortcuts to [firstname]. What is this world coming to, I ask…
“In any case, in a very well meaning attempt to “integrate” my niece into her crew, she suggested that she call her Mom-Mom too. I KNOW it was all meant in the best of intention and not in any way meant to replace my mother as Grandmom but it really rankled my sister and me, and we really had to stop and question why the fierce internal reaction.”
Gosh.
All step grand children and all friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses of grandchildren on my side and H’s side call our parents Grammy and Poppy and Gramma Firstname and Papa Firstname.
I work as an assistant in a k-4 school in the northeast. The staff are all addressed by the kids as Mr/ Miss/ Mrs/ Ms/ Dr Lastname. EXCEPT, there is one female teacher (my age) who refers to me as Miss Firstname when instructing her kids to greet / say thank you to me when entering or exiting the room. I am married and 52 yo and this drives me crazy! The kids in her class knew me from school before they had this teacher and are all used to addressing me as Mrs. Lastname, so it is all a bit awkward. I cringe every time she brings her kids to my room. Preschool teachers in my area are usually addressed by Miss Firstname no matter what their age.
As far as the OP, most wait staff just leave out the terms of address, which is fine with me. If a stranger needs to get my attention, I don’t mind either Miss or Ma’am.
I was raised the same way in Texas. I don’t understand why it would be insulting.
So for those who perceive it as an insult, how is the following to be handled:
Walking a few yards behind a woman and several men, you notice the woman’s wallet falls out of her purse onto the ground. You pick up the wallet and say,
I live on border of sweet tea and unsweet…that’s how I define north and south.
Growing up in NJ it was always Mr and Mrs. I still call my mom’s friends Mrs. Whoever.
My kids grew up here where the norm was to call friends of ours Miss Linda.
We’re not a ma’am/sir area, but one child goes to school deep in the south with that. It took some getting used to but I now recognize people use ma’am as respect for an elder.
I don’t care what you call me in terms of miss, ma’am seniorita…but I don’t want to be called honey, sweetie, dearie, etc, especially by a man, especially in professional settings.
Unless the woman was clearly elderly, in which case it would be excuse me, ma’am, you dropped something.
But I am defining elderly as maybe 70 plus. Not 30 plus
But that’s for the woman you DON’T know and have no intention of knowing - your contact is limited only to the return of the wallet, or the clarification of how to get to Main Street.
For the woman you DO know - your mother, your aunt, your teacher, the neighbor next door - using ma’am for her is seen as distancing, rude and a bit snarky because you KNOW her name and yet you are choosing to use a term that you would use for a stranger you don’t care about. So if I asked my kid to do something and he responded “yes, ma’am” he’d be back-talking me, much as if he had said “yes, Mrs Lastname.” I’m his mother – not a stranger who dropped a wallet. Similar with sir for a father - it’s seen as snarky to say “yes, sir” instead of “yes, dad” - it’s your father, not your commanding officer. It’s just considered impolite, just as failure to say those things is considered impolite elsewhere.
There’s obviously no right or wrong, just different traditions.
For part of my childhood, I lived on military bases in the south. Even when we lived in civilian housing, most of our friends were military or retired military. Sir and ma’am were expected, and woe to any child who failed to use them. Dh found it odd when we first met. By the time we had children, he appreciated the sign of respect and our children were taught to say sir and ma’am and to address all adults as Mr./Mrs./Ms. Lastname. They received a lot of positive feedback on their manners over the years, until they started their careers after college. It took some effort for them to remember to use first names with adults who were insulted otherwise and told them, “Mr. Lastname is my dad.”
^^ditto, except I’d say “please call me First Name” because “please” is always used in the south, when possible, instead of something more direct.
I taught my kids to say Dr/Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Last Name - unless invited to use the first name. And I taught them if invited to do so, they absolutely must use a first name, even if felt uncomfortable to them. This is how I was raised.
As a southern child, “Sir” and “Ma’am” to your parents, and every other adult, was an automatic addition to “yes” or “no”. I didn’t call my parents “Sir” and “Ma’am” in direct address. I called them daddy and mama.
My stepdaughter asked me what I’d like her kids to call me; since they already had two grandmothers and another step-grandmother, I figured that using a nickname would be the best. The nickname is cute and I like it. If my kids ever have kids, I’d be fine with that calling me by that name.
In areas of the country where you don’t teach your children to say “yes, ma’am” or “no ma’am”, do you insist they say “yes” and “no” or is it okay to say “yeah” “uh huh” “naw” “uh uh”? or just nod or shake their heads?
