Maybe I’ve been living in TX too long but I just had a conversation with a bartender tin Las Vegas that has repeatedly called me “miss”
I’m clearly over forty (won’t say how far over;-)) I have gray/silver hair and a wedding ring on my finger but the bar tender keeps calling me MISS, I’d be ok with MS but I am far too old for Miss and find it condescending (once or twice would be ok but I’m this airport lounge for the long haul) After the forth or fifth time I told him that I’m far to old to be addressed as Miss and he could use my name or address me as Ma’am, he was really taken aback and said the he always addresses older women as Miss, really?. Is it normal to call all women MISS in other parts of the country? Maybe I’ve had too much wine but I don’t want someone young enough to be my son calling ‘miss’ I good with my first name, even Ms. or Mrs. first name, but I’m way past the Miss stage of my life.
LOL. The women I know feel exactly the opposite and expect to be called Miss up to at least 70. I am 58 and have gray hair and I’m always a little surprised and miffed if I’m called Ma’am instead of Miss.
@delurki what state do you live in? What do you feel you have to do earn the honorific of Ma’am? In TX my high school daughter is “Miss” I’m thinking I should be addressed a step above her
Servers regularly get chewed out for calling women “ma’am” who feel they are far too young for such an old honorific. So they play it safe, knowing they’ll get called out on it one out of 100 times. Or fewer, if your server’s reaction is typical.
Seriously, service industry workers are in a no win situation. Someone is always ready to chew them out for doing what everyone else thinks is fine. Please cut them some slack.
I made it a point to say I wasn’t offended but just thought it an odd choice of words given my clearly married status and age. Like I said I’m here for the long haul and since our conversation he is now addressing me as Ma’am. I just thought it odd that he’d address me, someone of my age as “miss” not something I’m used to in Austin, TX! An was wondering if it was typical in the rest of the country - I guess it is…
I’m also going to have to find out how tipping works in this air port lounge situation since there is no bill and no tip jar on the counter. Maybe I’ll go ask the bar tender I gave a hard time to
Miss or Ma’am — makes no difference to me (and, yes, I’m “clearly over 40” too). (Also, wouldn’t it be a little hard to tell the difference between Miss and Ms anyway/?)
I’ve always wondered why the need to use either Miss or Ma’am?? Guys don’t get called Mr., right? No one says “Can I get you another drink, Mr.?” or “Thank you for your service, Mr.?”.
I don’t think people do that up here in my neck of the woods much at all, though. They tend to just leave the ma’am, sir, etc. off and I’m totally ok with that as long as they are polite in tone and manner. I know the whole sir and ma’am thing is used much more frequently down south.
Are you sure it isn’t just a pronunciation thing? In certain areas of the US, any given two of the Mrs/Ms/Miss triad (and, rarely, all three) are pronounced the same.
I’ve had this discussion with others before. Ma’am is the preferred title for older women (over 30 generally) in the South. I was taught to use it for all women older than me and especially teachers. But apparently in other parts of the country, it is perceived as an insult. I don’t know why. I always thought that it was a sign of respect, like Sir. Although for extremely close friends of the family, we used Miss as in Miss Amy and Miss Emily - also for preschool teachers!
I’ve learned here in Britain, that it’s usually Sir and Madam. Except in the schools where every female teacher is Miss (no matter what the age).
I used to travel in the south for business and I once chastised someone for repeatedly calling me Ma’am. I realize now she was being polite and that not calling me Ma’am would have felt rude to her.
Regardless – I’m not a fan. It makes me feel very old.
As a Northerner, it’s the opposite. I would hope I’d be called Miss for a long time. Ma’am is an old lady!
It’s not an honorific up here - like sir, it’s just a way you address someone when you don’t know their name AND you have no desire to know their name or have a relationship, but you need something other than “hey you.”
Excuse me, sir, you dropped your glove. Excuse me, miss, but I was here in line already. Excuse me, sir, can you tell me how to get to 123 Main Street?
In fact, up here it’s insulting and a little bit cheeky to use it for someone who you actually know / love. I would never say “yes, ma’am” to my mother or “yes, sir” to my father unless it was clearly in jest, and my kids would never say those words to us either except in jest. It implies arm’s length. This is where the disconnect is whe southerners say that northerners are rude for not saying ma’am and sir – down there it is an honorific for everyone whereas up here it specifically is only for strangers/people you don’t know (like the lady who dropped her glove or got in front of you in line).
If I were to drop my gloves, or whatever, in public, yeah, I think I’d expect to be called Miss by someone trying to get my attention. Or if a server was asking me if I wanted something more. Ma’am just connotes really, really old and I’d be a little taken aback. I’m with your bartender!
