Was that to me, PG? Because I’m not sure what I said that would indicate I find something gag worthy.
If someone prefers being Dr Firstname then by all means and I’d call them that. It just wouldn’t occur to me to start out calling them that.
It was, Romani - but with a smile. No worries!
Before this discussion, I never related it to the ma’am vs miss north/south thing, but it really really grates on my nerves to be called Miss by a younger person, especially a young male waiter or other in that role. It seems to me like they are pretending that I’m cute and young but too senile to know that I’m not. Condescending.
You can take my order or deposit my check or whatever without using these endearments, chere…says the one startled by how I was addressed in Louisiana
^^^^ @dragonmom this was exactly the situation I originally posted about!
My kids’ former orthodontist is in practice with his brother (and now his son as well). The staff all tend to refer to them as Dr. Firstname–which makes sense when all the docs have the same last name. Still, it took me forever to remember which first name belonged to our ortho, because I can’t help but think in Dr. Lastname terms.
Just catching up with this thread…
- wrt Auntie or Uncle, this is so very common with our Asian friends…a term of respect we were told upon wondering
how “Uncle George” had so many nieces and nephews when his sister never married (many were cousins). - our kid’s friends called me Mrs. Lastname until post high school (except for the three that seemed to live at our
house) until I asked them to call me by my first name. Our kids also used Mrs. Lastname unless invited to do
otherwise. - Doctors and other professionals: Dr. Lastname…
- Call me Ma’am, Miss, Mrs…but the only two can call me honey: H and my Dad…
Cute story: Our S had a childhood friend who had wealthy grandparents. The friend called his grandmother “Ma’am”
…, because that’s what he grew up hearing all the household staff called her–much to his parents dismay–
a name that has stuck to this day (grandpa was Nonno–Italian). She was a very involved and popular grandma
and the whole grade knew her name as Ma’am and were surprised when they learned she actually had a first
name… Our S wanted to know why he had a Nana and not a “Ma’am”.
re the doctor thing, I am a physician. I expect doctors to call their patients using Mr., Miss/Ms/Mrs. if they expect to be called Dr. X (last name of course). If we expect an honorific our patients do as well. The rules can change when longtime patients become friends, of course. When I am a patient I return the same greeting- if I get called by my first name I will reply with that physician’s first name. I, too, have a Dr. X (last name) in front of patients but the nursing staff was welcome to be more casual in private. As a woman physician I needed patients to remember I was the physician and not another nurse. Many stories about genders and usage I could tell.
I hate to say it but it is a HUGE pet peeve of mine that any doctor would expect a patient to call him or her “Dr. lastname” but then expect to call the patient – his or her customer! – by the first name. It is one of a zillion things about the medical profession that drives me absolutely up the wall! I can think of no other profession where there would be that kind of disparity between a professional and a client. A lawyer, accountant, broker, banker, architect – never ever would there be that disparity. A judge and a lawyer in a professional context – both on last name bases. A hairdresser and client – first name basis. I seriously don’t think there should be a disparity, and the fact that there often is speaks volumes in my mind about the customer service mentality of the medical profession.
If a doctor greets me by my first name, I make it a point to address him or her by the first name right away. The good ones are perfectly fine with that, And I certainly would never call a doctor “Dr. Firstname” any more than I would expect to call my accountant “Ms. Barbara.”
I can’t even think of a time recently when a doctor has called me “Ms Lastname,” as opposed to by my first name, and I’m perfectly happy being addressed by my first name so long as it is mutual.
My favorite doctors have invited me right from the start to call them by their first names. In the first office visit, if you, the doctor say, “Hi, I’m Dr. Bob Johnson. Please call me Bob,” my respect for you will have immediately increased. It signals to me that you consider this a partnership between service provider and client, which is exactly how I treat my clients and exactly how I expect to be treated by my service provider.
And I consider it a VERY positive sign when the office staff addresses the doctor by the first name too. It serms creepy to me when people work together for decades but maintain a disparity in forms of address.
Phew! Rant over!
Ha - nottelling, I asked my H whether he prefers Dr Lastname, Dr Firstname (which as I said started to distinguish him from his father in the same office) or just Firstname. He said he couldn’t care less just as long as the patients keep calling!
He cultivates a close relationship with patients and is very chit chatty, loves when they run into him at the grocery store, and cultivates kind of this persona. It’s more than I like. I keep my doctors at arm’s length - I just want to go, be checked out, pay and be done - so I really couldn’t care less if I address them as Dr Lastname and they call me Firstname, personally. I don’t see it as disrespect. I’m not engaged enough in developing a relationship with them beyond the particulars at hand.
In my current southern locale, doctors during appointments always address me as Mrs. Lastname. I don’t know if it is because usually they are younger than I am. It does seem to me silver hair commands a certain level of respect I didn’t previously experience.
Except for these old coots calling me “young lady” ;(
It is extremely rare that I ever get Mrs Lastname in any context. Except maybe in a doctor’s office from the receptionist, or from a financial planner who is speaking to both of us. It seems in most circumstances I encounter I’m simply Firstname Lastname.
^^^^I can’t stand it when someone calls me young lady, because they obviously don’t mean it. Do the guys who do this think it is a compliment???
I laugh to myself all the time with my two sisters in law. One is an MD, one is a chiropractor. The MD gets called first name by everyone, the chiropractor has everyone call her Dr.
In my state (maybe only my area of the state) “please?” is not only a sign of being courteous, it also means I didnt hear you, repeat yourself. So you may say, “hand me that cup”, I say, “please?”, you say, “hand me that cup please”, with you thinking I meant you were being rude by not saying please, but I really meant, I didnt hear you.
This, times 100,000!
I’m ok with Miss or Ma’am, whatever feels appropriate and respectful to the speaker. I can take Hon or Dear from the counter help or wait staff (but absolutely never from a colleague). But “young lady” to a person with kids old enough to drink is just plain rude. Like calling a fat guy “Slim.”
It occurs to me that why I rarely get Mrs Lastname is that it’s so common for women to keep maiden names, even seeing a ring on my finger doesn’t mean that I am Mrs Lastname - I could easily be Ms Lastname married to Mr Differentname.
“I can’t stand it when someone calls me young lady, because they obviously don’t mean it. Do the guys who do this think it is a compliment???”
I have a 70something gentleman in my life who calls me kiddo, and honestly I adore it!
“Kiddo” from a friend sounds charming. “Young lady” from the guy at the meat counter just about turns me vegan.
I think it’s endearing if someone my Father’s age calls me young lady, but weird if it’s coming from someone younger.
I agree with the awkwardness of Doctors office staff calling me by my first name. I don’t like it at all, but would find it rude to point it out to them. If they started out with Mrs. Lastname, that would be one thing, but to just start off with first name is somehow wrong. At my dentist office, the Dr’s there are known by Dr. firstname. I try not to address my dentist to avoid using that title.