<p>yes you are being too much of an helicopter mom. Give the young man a break!!</p>
<p>You can always move to Japan with him:)</p>
<p>I really don’t know what to say but I do wish that I had grew up with my mother and have her in my life to give me a few calls and send a few packages to me</p>
<p>I think you’ve shown amazing restraint by not calling already. Please let us know when you reach him.</p>
<p>Years ago, I threatened S with the “this is urgent…if you don’t call in the next 12 hours next semester is on you.” He knew it was no idle threat on my part.
We now get a phone call every Sunday afternoon - even now when he is in China.
My advice> call him now. It’s after 8AM.</p>
<p>If he has Internet access, see if he is willing to download Skype. It is free and is a great way to communicate. I just left mine logged on when my kids were overseas and they called on it when they felt like it. Even if I wasn’t around, it was nice to see a “missed call” and know they were okay.</p>
<p>And yes, call!</p>
<p>Sigh, I have had those S’s. Some seem to have to pull away from Mom more than others. The more I tried to hold, the further they pushed. And no, they do not think of you, they are experiencing everything going on around them. I have tried to get a 1x per week but not always successful. As time has gone on, I have let go and just enjoy the times they do call. One time S1 dropped out of sight for a couple of months. Now he calls several times a week. When you make contact, do not jump on him for not responding. It may push him further away. Just state your side, that you worry if you don’t have some kind of communication each week. Let him decide how to help out with the worry.</p>
<p>I emailed my DS yesterday (his middle of the night). The email said: “aok?” his response: “yea”.
How is that for short and sweet? LOL. At least I know he is breathing.</p>
<p>no answer on the phone, but DS did pick up the e-card I sent him for the 4th of July last night around midnight our time so at least he’s alive and picking up email finally. I’m glad I’d forgotten about the e-card - I would have been anxious about him not picking it up on the 4th.</p>
<p>I don’t think
will work since he has almost a full ride and he could so easily pay my portion of the tuition out of his bank account. </p>
<p>ebeeee, I like that approach and I may try it today and see if I get a response. </p>
<p>Up until last week, when I turned on my skype I could see he had skype on. I had tried to skype him a few times since he’s been in Tokyo but he’s never picked up. I know he often just leaves his computer on with all the apps he uses open even if he isn’t at the computer so I wasn’t really worried when he didn’t answer. But then when he was no longer visible on skype I started to worry - according to skype he was last seen 7/5. </p>
<p>Another phone call at some point today.</p>
<p>I don’t think your voice mail needs to threaten anything. Just say it is very urgent that he call as soon as he receives the message. Don’t say what it is about.</p>
<p>Parents need cell-phones with website geotracking on the family plan.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>With my son, that would only work once. As soon as he learned that his childhood home hadn’t been blown to smithereens and everyone he knew and loved was alive and well, he would not be quick to respond to an “urgent” voice mail again.</p>
<p>I’ve used ebeeeee’s method a few times. Once I simply e-mailed him the lyrics to David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” (“Ground Control to Major Tom”) and he responded, “I’m alive.”</p>
<p>I picked up my son from his internship yesterday and he’s home for the weekend. I’m bringing him back on Monday. He’s happy to be back and it’s nice having him back. We have access to his email account so we can see if he’s read his emails or not. We usually have IM or video chats a few times a week. Sometimes we just leave videochat open for an hour or two during the day.</p>
<p>Both mine, esp. S1 are oblivious. He had a fullride plus a pt job so we couldn’t threaten him w/ money.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I can remember calls/letters to Mom were not top of my priority list in college either. I was more interested in my new freedom and own agenda. I feel bad about it now that I’m on the other end. </p>
<p>Guys are just different. DH doesn’t call his Mom that much and when he does, it’s really out of obligation.</p>
<p>I think at this point I would be both worried and angry. A simple email once a week doesn’t need to say anything other than “here’s the email I promised.” It takes less than a minute and is rude and inconsiderate not to do that even if he had not previously agreed to do so. It is not being helicopterish to ask for that degree of communication from a college kid far from home with access to email (and even without one’s own computer surely he has access to Internet cafes in Japan). </p>
<p>Although it is almost certain that the reason he is so uncommunicative is that he simply cannot be bothered and he is physically okay, there is also, from a mom’s point of view, the creeping concern that perhaps something isn’t quite as it should be. It sounds as though he is not within the usual intern age (and thus skill/educational profile) for the company if he is a rising senior and they are looking for MBA students. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding of some kind and he is in over his head socially or workwise and upset about it? I would be hesitant to make a fuss to him long distance because it is too hard to communicate, but by the same token I think a straightforward email and phone message along the lines of “you said you’d email once a week but I haven’t heard from you and now I’m getting worried” would be a good start. If he is not totally irresponsible and thoughtless he will pick up on that. And if that does not work you could escalate–almost anything will be less embarrassing for your son than a reenactment of the old story of the 1960s Peace Corps volunteer’s mom who had not heard from the kid in months so got in touch with the local embassy, which sent someone out to the mountains to tell the volunteer to write home!</p>
<p>Seriously, there is a sort of social contract here; you help your kid financially and psychologically and such, you pay tuition and airfare and whatever, and all you are really asking for in return is the basic assurance that he is ok ant not totally forgetting about you. And while I would not go so far as to threaten to withhold support for next year or get into a long-distance family confrontation, hen he gets back to the U.S. I would probably try to make it clear w that this was not an acceptable level of communication and that there will be consequences if similar lack of reliability and consideration are repeated.</p>
<p>Is this a typical thing to happen with boys?! I have 2 HS boys and I can see this happen with my older son…I know how the OP must feel, its so worrying when the kids don’t keep in contact. What else do we as parents ask of them?</p>
<p>I’d be angry too. It is rude and inconsiderate to make people worry for no reason. People - and kids - treat us the way we let them. I don’t care if they’re 15 or 50 - no excuse.</p>
<p>Ground Control to Major Tom…I love it! I’m gonna steal that down the road.</p>
<p>I just heard from DS. An email to him which simply said “r u ok?” in the subject line and in the body of the email just “love you, mom” did the trick. He sent an email explaining that internet access where he lives has been sporadic and he’s been extremely busy at work(and I’m sure busy going out after work to clubs). </p>
<p>Now this mom can move on to worrying about other things like can I ride a horse without my instructor today? am I really that brave. I’m off to see if I can remember how to saddle up. </p>
<p>mattmom, I think you nailed one of my worries - is he in over his head if the other interns are mba students? DS has always been the youngest in his class. But looking back I realize he’s often chosen to “play up” rather than take the easier route of being with kids his own age, whether it was as a middle school kid playing against adults in chess tournaments rather than his age group or as a high school student taking classes at a university. Though I can imagine a work situation might be very different - especially for a kid who has never worked in a 9-5 job. I was actually surprised to learn in his email today that he’s being paid more than the other interns (which may have more to do with the program at his school that arranged the internship than skills he came in with). I could find so many things to worry about - but I think I need to head to the barn and saddle up.</p>
<p>Have a great ride! Don’t worry - head up and heels down!</p>
<p>I went through this with ds1 the first time he went to a three-week camp, as a rising eighth-grader. The deal struck was a phone call once a week. Didn’t matter to me when or for how long, but I wanted him to touch base. I was floored and upset when he didn’t call me for 10-12 days. The second year of camp, I told him if he wanted to return he had to call once a week or no more camp. Never had another problem. His little brother, who saw how upset I was when his brother didn’t call that first year, is at the same camp, and I’ve never had a problem. 
In fact, HE calls a lot!</p>
<p>So glad you are going to call. You are absolutely right to do so and pugmadkate is so right! Son’s are tough - I fought many a battle about communication with my S when he went away to boarding school at 14. I always emphasized that the call was for me, not him, so he wouldn’t feel I was too overprotective BUT out of common courtesy he did need to communicate with me. He is a college sophomore and calls 1x a week or I call him. Period.</p>
<p>Please do post after you talk to him, add me to the list of worried moms (though I’m sure he is just fine!). Good luck.</p>