Did he hide from his parents or was he really missing or up to something no good?
He’s really missing, what a question…
His friends and family love him, and pray for his safe return.
I asked this question because there was a post from a student with similar situation on CC one or two weeks ago. That student was depressed and CC parents suggested him call succide hot line. The post was later removed by CC mods.
If I were the parents I would wish he was just temporarily hiding from me.
He’s HOME!!! safe with his very, very, very happy parents. Who couldn’t care less about his academic status.
A reminder to CC students – your friends and family love you, and every problem can have a solution,
Green button…thank you for,the update. Thank goodness.
Wonderful!! I was kind of afraid to open lest there be a bad update.
Phew! I was remembering a similar poster on CC a few weeks ago who didn’t know ow to tell his parents that he wasn’t going to graduate.
Greenbutton, I am weeping with joy and relief. So thankful this young man went home to the love of his family.
Something similar happened to people I know. Not that their kid went missing. Everyone, including grandparents and trophy stepmom/halfsib, went up to State College for graduation and he sheepishly told them that he wasn’t close to graduating and had withdrawn that semester. That was about 6 years ago, and the reverberations are still being felt. His parents certainly didn’t want anything awful to have happened to him, at least not anything awful they didn’t devise, but it would be a gross distortion to say they “couldn’t care less about his academic status.” They cared quite a bit about that.
They do love him, but there’s little doubt they love his sisters more. That level of dishonesty, irresponsibility, and self-centeredness is hard to deal with.
The sudent apparently has not attended PSU since the fall semester when he wirthdrew.
He is either a very troubled young man or a master manipulator. I wonder where the spring tuition money went?
Oh JHS, that’s harsh. having been in this position, I don’t know that it’s entirely dishonesty, irresponsibility and self-centerdness in all cases. Very often it is panic and despair and survival instinct gone awry. I am sorry that the family you know wasn’t able to adjust to new expectations.
At PSU graduations, and probably other large U’s, there’s actually a registrar’s rep on hand for the parents who come expecting a grad but can’t find the name in the program.
I don’t think JHS is being harsh at all.
I’ve always told my offspring that the hardest thing for me to deal with is lying to me. If you want to do things you know I won’t approve of, at least have the guts to tell me…or at least don’t out and out lie to me about it.
If this young man has a mental health problem, e.g., he is suffering from Depression, I’d be very forgiving. If this was a last minute panic situation–he failed a course this semester which he needed for graduation-- I might be forgiving. However, in this case:
So, he’s been lying to his parents since last summer, i.e., for 8 or 9 months. And, yes, I’d like to know if his parents were paying tuition and helping with his rent.
And, I’d like to know how much was spent on the police searching for him.
I understand the panic, despair etc. of not telling parents you’ve dropped out, but having everyone come to a non-graduation does seem over the top. I’d like to say that’s why parents should check on their kids grades, but we never did for older son. He told us his grades if asked, and I think we asked, but he could have lied. Younger son just gave us access to his online grades, for various reasons it turned out to be convenient for us to have access to a whole host of stuff that included the grades. He set it up at freshman orientation, but presumably could have undone it.
Let’s try to remember that young people’s executive function does not fully develop until after 22 or older. College age students make foolish decisions in a moment of panic that seem reasonable to them at the time but seem absolutely absurd to us, as adults. I would try to understand this, and other young people’s fears, and put them in context, rather than judge them intentional manipulators. Especially for young men, the ages between 18-22 plus are hazardous in terms of brain chemistry. I am relieved to know this young man is home with his family.
He’s 23. At what point does a young man become responsible for his actions?
i too am relieved to know he’s home with his family. I wish him all the best…and I mean that sincerely. However, I admit that if it were my own kid, I’d have a hard time forgiving the deceit that contitnued for an entire academic year. I think that was the point JHS was making.
Sure, there may be special circumstances…but the whole “he’s safe, so nothing else matters” mantra just would not be my own response, assuming no mental illness or other extraordinary circumstances. .
Two of my Ds had friends who were in similar situations and the outcomes for them and their families were not the good one that has happened for greenbutton’s friend. I can assure you that those families would be ecstatic if all they had to face was whether or not to forgive deceit by their child.
greenbutton, I’m very happy to hear that this boy is home with his family. I’ve been thinking of him since I saw you post about it.
It’s almost as if he knew that “disappearing” and parents being scared would erase any anger that he had fooled them about school.
Child: Mom, I got arrested for drunk driving.
Mom: What!!!
Child: No, mom, I didn’t. But I did get a D in calculus.
Mom: What a relief.
Some of you may remember the Mark Hacking story. He pretended to be “sick” the day of his “graduation”, so that no one would show up.
He had claimed that he had been accepted to medical school. His young wife found out that the whole thing was a lie a few days before they were supposed to move to his “med school”. When she found out, she confronted him and he killed her.
I can’t even imagine what the parents must be feeling. Relief, disbelief, confusion…I hope that there son is ok and that he has a good explanation for what has happened.
I am so happy this young man is safe. When I first heard the news that he Ieft behind everything including his wallet and keys, I know I feared the worst for his family. We will never know but maybe all the publicity led him to face his parents knowing he would be met with love and forgiveness. Beyond that, I hope the family is given the privacy they now need to work through whatever has been occurring since August and I wish them and their son well.
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Some of you may remember the Mark Hacking story. He pretended to be “sick” the day of his “graduation”, so that no one would show up.
He had claimed that he had been accepted to medical school. His young wife found out that the whole thing was a lie a few days before they were supposed to move to his “med school”. When she found out, she confronted him and he killed her.
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I just wanted to add…In this case, Mark’s older brothers and his father were very successful (physicians and an atty). Mark felt extreme pressure to match them with similar success. At some point during his undergrad years, his grades were not “good enough” - partly due to his social life and partly due to his own limitations - and he dropped out. However, he continued to collect money from his dad for every semester to pay for tuition and living expenses (and his own wife thought that her husband was going to college!). Obviously, if his dad had been less-trusting and had been paying the school directly, this charade wouldn’t have gone on so long and ended so tragically. I’m not blaming the parents (absolutely not!) for the murder of their daughter in law, but had some “check and balances” been in place, the whole thing couldn’t have spiraled out of control like it did.