I am so glad he is unharmed. I hope the family is able to work everything out. Seems so many of these stories end in tragedy.
my son has been unhappy in his grad school. Months ago, after yet another suicide on campus, I told him it was fine with me if he left. I know he has the sense of honor, but i’d rather he get out of the nightmare than push through. It is so hard for these good students to know when they need to back off from school, athletics, whatever.
‘25 is the new 21’ for some. Good communication, even with the best of efforts from the parents can have them fooled by a manipulative, lazy, or XXX characteristics by student. Student may even be masking some kind of addiction, some kind of psychological issues, etc. I agree with schools that have the parent access information, and if you pay by credit card refunds with credit card. Sometimes parents don’t realize they should be checking behind students.
One of my DDs is not allowing me parent access, but has agreed to access and print out the financials. Is hanging on to her scholarship and is proceeding to graduation, so I only push so far on the information. She has the pre-paid state college plan (that is maxing out at 135 UG hours; had music scholarship money two years that caused a lot of hours not applying towards degree, but is graduating on time, and some of music hours keeps GPA higher too). Has college money (invested by us, some was from grandparent insurance policy proceeds to grandchildren). Should graduate w/o debt and is showing good progress to working in her field, and maybe will continue graduate school too.
Other DD is at larger state flagship school. She sometimes asks me to check things (like after semester making sure no balance on account). Also has scholarships and same two plans (state pre-paid tuition plan and investment money).
Both kids know that any money left in account is ‘theirs’. Hoping they both proceed with the graduate degrees along with their UG degrees - DD2 can have MBA finished a year later with STEM MBA program at her school - she started with that program as a UG freshman.
Sometimes can find out information from sibling, friends, friends’ parents - however sometimes your radar is not up because student is working hard to hide important facts.
If parents are paying for college/UG, they have every right to be ‘intrusive’ if the facts justify. There are sometimes issues with graduate program that may have the program not be a good fit. If student is unhappy, have to evaluate options.
I cannot say how much I appreciate the support of fellow CCers.
My son’s school has a very active parents group on FB. Still, the stress is enough that freshmen were given a grant to fund their project of bracelets saying “how was your day?” The students have set up a group forum to offer each other support. The school has an excellent clinic, psychiatrists and psychologists always available, and a pre-screened group of local therapists. Many years ago, my son emailed his Dean in the middle of the night. The Dean got back to him, and they met early that morning. With all this available support, there are still successful suicides.
Sometimes I think the young person has been thinking about dying for awhile, and other times it is a quick reaction to a bad event. So very sad.