Mixed feelings about prospective schools...

College Life
1

<p>Despite feeling like I probably won’t get in, I did end up heading up to Berkeley to check out the school… Berkeley was a huge culture shock for me (to be fair, all I saw was People’s Park and what you see right when you get off the freeway), and it feels really dirty. Apparently a lot of girls at Cal rely on the campus police just to get them from point a to point b because the campus/area around campus is so dangerous… </p>

<p>I was really hoping I’d go to Berkeley, a sort of “dream” reach of mine, and feel… I don’t know… Excited about college. But the exact opposite happened… I am now totally dreading school. I felt so small and nervous, and I’m scared to live in a dorm… And I’m petrified just thinking about living in a city… Will I have privacy? Can I make phone calls privately, or are my room mates always going to be there? Do you get to apply make up in the bathroom? These questions are really stupid, I know… But I’m scared…</p>

<p>And I’m afraid that if I do end up living in a dorm that my relationship could become strained… All of my love, effort, and time goes into my partner, and I love it that way… I’m just so scared of everything… And I have no friends outside of my partner as it is, so how am I supposed to make new ones in a big, intimidating environment? I don’t even think I want friends!</p>

<p>I thought I’d be able to find a match for me, and I thought visiting Berkeley might be invigorating, but I think I might just be a scared, doe-eyed, small-town girl. I’m so scared I’ll never leave this tiny town… I get nervous driving down the street as it is, how do you drive in a city? </p>

<p>I never thought I’d end up feeling like this… But I’m absolutely terrified. I’m nervous about living with other people because I’m pretty antisocial, worried that I won’t get to spend enough time with my partner, and even worried I’ll revert to being a baby and feel unable to live away from home… My parents have always been extremely protective (I wasn’t allowed to watch tv or play outside) and now I feel like the whole world is terrifying and like I’m too stupid to handle anything… My SAT scores prove the former… :|</p>

<p>Gosh, I’m sorry, this wasn’t meant to read like a melodramatic blog… I just feel really depressed and nervous about going to school, and I feel like I should have more figured out about who I am before I do all of this… Has anyone felt like this? Did any of the college students on this site feel like they were afraid or homesick? Can anyone give me any advice??</p>

<p>Thank you, and I apologize again for the length of this post…</p>

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<p>Sorry to bump, but…</p>

3

<p>Tell yourself that you’re confident in your abilities. You may need to feign confidence for a while, but after a while you will become truly sure. If you REALLY want to get past the city-is-too-busy thing, see if you can visit friends in/near cities to just spend some time and get acclimated.</p>

<p>I have definitely felt like I didn’t want to make friends at certain times when i’ve been away for a while, but before a week was up i’d get past that and end up having a great time. I also tend to blow things out of proportion, so (no offense or anything because i know what you’re going through) if you can’t see it, you are making things out to be worse than they are.</p>

<p>Don’t let standardized testing get you down, it really doesn’t matter except for getting into college. And you could always pull a George Costanza (Seinfeld reference, just mentioning cause you said you didn’t really watch tv) and lie about your scores later in life. :wink: I’m kidding, of course, but don’t get worked up about the testing.</p>

<p>I’m not 100% sure about what you’re talking about with your partner… so can’t help you there.</p>

<p>I hope I helped – the most important thing is just to keep things in perspective and hold your head up high. People have gone before you and survived even though they were in your position.</p>

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<p>You sound like me last year, worrying about your first year at a dream school.</p>

<p>I got into mine off the wait list, and the thought of not being good enough killed me. I compared myself to my peers, thinking if I had gotten into the right school. I started to doubt myself, and I fell apart. </p>

<p>I probably spent more time stressing about the work load and the work study job than actually studying. Everything was overwhelming.</p>

<p>The first year is difficult in a sense that you adjust to a new environment. It’s important to remember that you are in charge of your own life. </p>

<p>You set your own goals and expectations, and you alone measure your success based on your progress toward those goals and expectations.</p>

<p>Internal validation is crucial. You focus on your progress, your victories, and your lifestyle. You join clubs that you’re interested in, you play sports you love, you read books you like, and you do what you want. </p>

<p>You can’t let others control and change your values and character. You can’t look to the world for your happiness because you have to create your own (This seems to apply to your partner). If you don’t like an aspect about your situation, you alone have the power to change it. </p>

<p>You’ll learn to have faith in what you’ve got.</p>

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<p>From what I’ve read, it doesn’t sound like you’re unprepared for college, it just sounds like Cal wouldn’t be a good fit for you.</p>

<p>I’d recommend re-evaluating what you want in a college. Yeah, Cal’s a great school and all, but if you’re going to be scared and unhappy the whole time you’re there, you aren’t going to get much out of it. Try looking at smaller schools that offer more support. Look for schools in locations that are close to cities so that you have the best of both worlds.</p>

<p>As for your relationship…if you and your partner want it to go well and work on it together, it can work. I’ve been dating my boyfriend since frosh yeah in high school, and we’re still together (I’m a rising soph in college). Yeah, I’ve had to make some sacrifices, but I’m doing well in school, I’m participating in campus life, I have a group of solid friends, and our relationship is very strong. It is possible.</p>

<p>Good luck :)</p>

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<p>Thank you all so much for being so sweet and helpful.</p>

<p>I’m still feeling gloomy, but it’s nice to get some thoughtful advice… Thank you all again for your kindness.</p>

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<p>kasjalkjs12- my D has a good friend at Cal and she loves it.</p>

<p>Also, my D is having fears very similar to those you are having… I think almost everyone has such worries. Try not to worry too much…</p>