<p>My mom was also a sort of rebel and breastfed all her babies in the 60’s and early 70’s when it was not the norm for middle class white women.</p>
<p>One of DH’s friends married a woman who refused to breast feed. We were at a party and she said she was “sick and tired” of being told that breast fed babies were healthier and smarter. She went on to say her kids (four boys) were all brilliant and she didn’t have to “go through all that nonsense.” I sat there steaming but didn’t get into it with her, even when she basically said breastfeeding was “disgusting.”</p>
<p>I wonder how she’ll react someday if any of her DILs decide to breastfeed.</p>
<p>Breastfeeding is just one part of a very big equation of being a good parent. There are proven advantages to the child who was breastfed, but without all the other pieces of the puzzle - it can be meaningless. I have known mothers that breastfed their kids and as soon as they were done - went back to smoking and drinking a half/full bottle of wine each night. I’ve known mothers who breastfed their kids, yet have stayed in abusive households. </p>
<p>If your kid is thriving today - it’s because you were a loving, wonderful parent - your choice to breastfeed was just the first stepping stone to a great foundation for that thriving child today. Please don’t diminish your accomplishment by saying your child is an independent, intelligent, well-rounded child because of the simple fact that you breastfed that child. </p>
<p>There are literally hundreds of choices that you make after you decide to breastfeed that also have a huge bearing on the well-being of your child.</p>
<p>^^Well said Kieibo. Choosing to breastfeed or not is just one part of the parenting equation and either choice does not define the entire experience or guarantee a successful or unsuccessful outcome.</p>
<p>* I sat there steaming but didn’t get into it with her, even when she basically said breastfeeding was “disgusting.”*</p>
<p>disgusting? how is it any more “disgusting” than sex? I mean, really? Wow, just wow. What next? Will she prefer artificial insemination to natural conception to avoid all that icky stuff…lol.</p>
<p>Frankly, I’ve found the moms who refused to breastfeed to be the most vociferous and insulting to those who breastfeed. </p>
<p>I would never just walk up to some new mom who chose to bottle feed and say that her way was “wrong” or “bad” or anything like that. If she were to ask why I chose to breastfeed or if she were to ask about the benefits, I would tell her. But, I’ve found that the “non-nursers” will outright insult you for breastfeeding, or will tell you (out of nowhere) that bottle feeding is better. (lolololol). I never asked my MIL or my non-nursing SILs why they didn’t breastfeed UNTIL they insulted my (and my one SIL’s on H’s side) choice to breastfeed. </p>
<p>On my side of the family, all the moms of my generation breastfed except for one SIL. I guess she felt guilty about her decision (she never tried), so she would just make nasty comments to the rest of the family about their choice. No one said anything to her to bring on this abuse. She just felt outnumbered, but hey, it was her choice. </p>
<p>I would have loved to have said, “hey, you made your choice, fine. But don’t think you need the rest of us to make your same choice just so that you can feel validated as a mom. So shut your pie hole.”</p>
<p>*Quote:
That’s just sick. What a moron. What guy wouldn’t want what’s best for his child?
That’s also stupid. What a moron. </p>
<p>What guy wouldn’t want a perfect excuse for not having to do half of the night feedings?<br>
*<br>
*</p>
<p>lol…true…but Goombah Joe probably thinks all feedings are to be done by mom cuz that’s “women’s work.”</p>
<p>Funny about night feedings…NOT ONE time did I EVER sit up and feed a baby at night. I’m one of those people that if I get really woken up, I can’t fall back asleep. So, I always nursed at night while I slept. lol. When they were newborns, I kept the bassinet next to our bed and would grab the baby the second he made a peep, put him next to me, he’d start nursing, and I’d immediately go back to sleep. When there were in a big crib, I would grab them when they started crying, bring them to bed, go back to sleep while nursing, and then not put them back in their crib for the rest of the night. </p>
<p>I think “nursing while sleeping” is really a great way for those who can’t afford to lose much sleep at night. My H loved it cuz he never lost a wink of sleep and I wasn’t a crazy-sleep-deprived new mom. lol</p>
<p>I agree with bamagirls and kleibo. Parents have to make hundreds of choices, and we all do the best we can. Most of our choices are perfectly fine, with the possible exception of choosing to ask your 3 year old to pose in the strange position of standing on a chair while latched onto your chest for a national magazine cover.</p>
<p>My experience differs markedly from yours, mom2collegekids. I nursed for what most Americans would consider a long time, in public (discreetly), did the baby-led weaning thing, etc. No one ever insulted me for my choices, and I never insulted another woman for hers. I would not be comfortable using a phrase like “refuse to nurse.” I worked with breastfeeding women for many years, and it taught me that there’s always a backstory I know nothing about. If a woman chooses not to nurse, or to lead the weaning process herself, I don’t see that as “refusing to nurse” - I see it as her exercising her right to choose how she will mother her own baby.</p>
<p>Mine weaned himself at 3 1/2 or so. The late BF really wasn’t any trouble–I had long since stopped pumping at work, by body had adapted, kid didn’t do it that often, anyway. But it never failed to calm the angry (or frightened, or overtired) beast–like magic. I couldn’t understand why anyone would push their kid to wean and give that up.</p>
<p>“In traditional societies, children often nurse for years. It is only in modern society that we have derailed our instincts in favor of consumerism, and argued that it’s better and “more liberating” --or at least just as good – to give our children breastmilk substitutes. While it is, in the final analysis, a completely personal choice, unless prospective parents have access to complete, unbiased information about the biology, psychology and benefits of breastfeeding, it is impossible for them to make a truly informed choice.”</p>
<p>I disagree that it’s “derailed instinct.” I never had any desire or instinct to breastfeed. Just didn’t appeal to me, despite knowing the health benefits. I had no more “instinct” to do that as I did to put my elbow in their mouths. Others want to? Great for them and I hope they achieve what they desire. As for the Time magazine cover? I’d be lying if I said it didn’t creep me out, but it’s her body, her kid, her problem, not mine. I think a bigger problem afflicting young mothers today is this belief that everyone around them needs to “approve” or “support” their choices. This mother doesn’t need my approval of her extended bf any more than I needed her approval for my not doing so. Or for that matter any more than I need the person behind me in line at Starbucks to “approve” or “support” my venti soy chai.</p>
<p>“My daughter clearly remembers her early childhood and is the most fervent extended breastfeeding advocate I know. By the way, she is now a freshman at one of the most elite colleges in the U.S. and living on the opposite side of the country from me.”</p>
<p>My D is at the very same school despite never having had a single drop of the magic elixir! Imagine that! :-)</p>
<p>I’m not sure where it came from, but I definitely felt that I “owed” my daughter the effort to breastfeed. My mom didn’t breastfeed because she was of the generation in which it was connected with being poor and lower class. That certainly flip flopped for my generation and we were considered unenlightened if we didn’t breastfeed and the more affluent were more likely to breastfeed. I guess I had researched the issue to the point that I felt that it just didn’t make sense not to because I remember being very determined. I don’t assume that breastfed kids are healthier because there are certainly factors that can override the obvious benefits. There is evidence that the health benefits extend into adulthood and breastfed babies are less likely to develop chronic diseases. I didn’t even know the benefit regarding fewer food allergies at the time I breastfed but it’s nice that is an added advantage. </p>
<p>I know that I did it because of health considerations but I would have been so glad I did it even if it were health neutral. Once I got through the bumpy parts, it is one of the best memories I have and I’m grateful my D literally forced me to continue.</p>
<p>“My mom didn’t breastfeed because she was of the generation in which it was connected with being poor and lower class. That certainly flip flopped for my generation”</p>
<p>Right, which is why I don’t think it’s instinctual, but that the desire to do so is a function of the culture you’re in at the time. I didn’t feel a lot of pressure to bf in 1992 (which worked out well for me, obviously). A young mother in 2012 feels a lot more pressure to do so, and maybe militantly if she inhabits certain circles.</p>
<p>Re the instinct issue…whether or not one wants to breastfeed may be sociologically determined, but once one decides to do so and learns how, for most moms it is a wonderful experience that feels so RIGHT. How well it works is kind of a miracle, and it instills a new level of respect for nature, and the body.</p>
<p>Ditto for natural childbirth. After a cesarean for my first child, I had a homebirth for my second. The homebirth made me feel part of a “spiritual universal community of women” in a way the cesarean definitely did not.</p>
<p>Maybe it is not surprising that people who have experienced these things have strong feelings about others being well enough informed to have a chance to experience them as well.</p>
<p>I believe I have heard also that breastfeeding over a period of several years (one child or more) helps protects women from breast cancer.</p>
<p>Nineteen years ago I was a nervous, inexperienced first time mom. I bought Dr. Sears’ book which advocated “attachment parenting” and tried so hard to make it work because I wanted to be a “good mom.” It didn’t work for me. I have always had and have always needed my personal space. Looking back, I realize I had a measure of postpartum depression and I’m sure that played into giving up on breastfeeding after a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>Of course, like countless others- both my kids have thrived physically, mentally, and emotionally in a loving, stimulating home that allowed for me to have my “space” while giving my kids (hopefully) the best of myself. </p>
<p>Looking back I should have thrown Dr. Sears’ book in the trash and trusted my instincts. There is no one style of successful parenting. Bottom line, if you love your kids and you let them know they are loved, the attachment is made. Happy Mother’s Day everyone!</p>
<p>It certainly didn’t feel “instinctual” at the beginning because there was confusion and discomfort. Since you want this idyllic setting with your child, any of those things can be a reason to discontinue. I certainly would have. However, once you settle into the routine and it becomes easy peasy, it definitely takes on an instinctual, natural, “I can’t imagine not doing this” feeling. It was my time that was more peaceful than anything else going on in my life at that time. That is why so many women are so passionate about it. It compares to nothing I had done before or have done since. It’s natural for you to want everyone to experience that. I just have to remind myself that, had I gotten my way, I would have stopped after a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>It is interesting to me that discussions (debates?) on the subjects of breastfeeding, circumcision, and abortion are among the most passionate. Is there something about reproduction-related subjects that cause people to be more emotional?</p>
<p>* If a woman chooses not to nurse… I don’t see that as “refusing to nurse” - I see it as her exercising her right to choose how she will mother her own baby.*</p>
<p>I used that phrase in my post to distinquish from women who try and either don’t like it or have problems. I’ve never gotten negative comments from those who tried, but I have gotten negative comments from some who never tried…especially from the ones who have some odd ideas (I’m not a cow; I don’t want to watch what I eat/drink; etc). </p>
<p>I certainly have not gotten negative comments from all/most who have never tried. There are many out there like Pizzagirl who have a “to each their own” attitude which is totally cool.</p>
<p>Parents have to make hundreds of choices, and we all do the best we can. Most of our choices are perfectly fine, with the possible exception of choosing to ask your 3 year old to pose in the strange position of standing on a chair while latched onto your chest for a national magazine cover.</p>
<p>So true…that decision was just so short-sighted.</p>