<p>LOL, @eastcoastcrazybro! He knows how to make a point. Curious, what did he pick as profession? Probably safe to say he does not own a lawn service but perhaps law or pro athlete?
:D</p>
<p>We could do an entire thread about my brother! Very smart, but very odd life. He dropped out of college, was drafted during the Viet Nam War, managed to get an honorable discharge after less than a year, without ever leaving the country. He never told us what happened. Never finished college. Never held a job that challenged him, but also was never unemployed. Happy with a blue collar job. Never wanted to be promoted, never wanted to have to be responsible for anyone or anything. Managed his money very well. Never married the mother of his two children. Never did drugs or drank. Never really resolved issues that he had with our dad, issues that truly seemed to exist in his head and not in reality. He has been content to live an almost Walden sort of life in a small home in the country. I get along with him, but from a distance. He is a great conversationalist, and writes wonderful letters. Does not own a cell phone or a computer.</p>
<p>And yes, he was an expert at getting under my parents’ skin, during the 1960’s, when parents everywhere were struggling to figure out how to deal with their teens and with a society that changed overnight in radical ways.</p>
<p>My parents did not handle him particularly well, but the times, they were a’changing in such profound ways in thise years. It was tough on a lot of families.</p>
<p>^^^^
At first I thought your brother was unreasonable in refusing to cut the lawn; but after reading your description of his personality, I give him credit for living his life on his own terms. We all deserve that but few us of us have the conviction and strength to do so.</p>
<p>Sounds like your brother chose that moment to make his statement. It either had nothing to do with the lawn or he purposefully chose the lawn chore because it was such a benign task.</p>
<p>There are many things I let go. I am pretty easy going. Personal attacks, however, were dealt with immediately. </p>
<p>I would tell the kids you can think whatever you want …just do NOT say it aloud.</p>
<p>Good luck OP.</p>
<p>In our house one daughter had a really cranky phase. I had a few strategies. I would remind her I wasn’t the enemy. I would remind her she didn’t have to fix things all on her own. I would remind her I loved her but sometimes it was hard to like her. We often wrote notes to each other to clear the air. I once just went silent. That was pretty powerful.</p>
<p>It turns out there were friend issues. One friend was anorexic and daughter was trying to help and handle. Another stole a boy my daughter really liked. She was just more of a roller coaster emotionally than her sister. Which was okay, just she needed to open up more about what was going on, if not with me, then with someone. </p>
<p>We got through it. Long walks with the dogs. Letters to each other. Giving each other space as well. Forgiveness. Rebooting and recharging. Fresh starts. </p>
<p>When kids have these blowups and attitudes, sometimes it’s just snottiness and sometimes they have these complicated lives we know nothing about. And as stated, we are the safe place. </p>
<p>Perhaps with the ops son, she should write him a letter, how much she loves him, but she feels really hurt when he says such mean things. That she wants to have a good relationship, but it’s hard when she feels like she is the only one trying.</p>
<p>Seeing it in writing is pretty powerful and it gives him a chance to consider how he is being. Sometimes I never got a verbal apology, but while she was in her room pouting she would clean it and then she would clean the bathroom. Or she would say, hey I am going to the store, need anything? And I would get a big hug. That worked for me.</p>
<p>Find what works. Money isn’t going to. Unless you do the classic money jar. Make it a joke. If either of you says some thing cranky or snooty, in goes a dollar.</p>
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<p>Well, all fine and good when you’re an adult, but when you are part of a family unit, you need to help pitch in on even the mundane chores. Did he try to negotiate to trade that chore for others? Or did he just decide he wasn’t required to help out around the home?</p>
<p>D2 hates to unload the dishwasher. D1 hated to vacuum. So they worked it out. I didn’t care as long as it got done. But a child “refusing” to help? No, that would not have gone over.</p>
<p>I have a hard time with this as well. My youngest is mouthy, and says disrespectful things that I don’t tolerate, but I feel like I have to walk a fine line. He is also doing his work, is thoughtful and aware, playing his sport, not involved in things that many kids his age are. I certainly call him on this and do not tolerate, but do not come down overly hard on him as I would rather he be disrespectful by mouthing off then by talking nicely, but separating in another way. Of course I would prefer he was the perfect kid - sweet, respectful, thankful, good grades, and walking the straight and narrow, but that is pretty unrealistic.</p>
<p>The question, though, is whether disrespect is just a way to let off stream and anxiety or if it is the first step on a slippery slope of other issues.</p>
<p>@eastcoastcrazy, what an interesting personality, he definitely marches to the beat of his own drum. It was probably tough for him to be in the military where you are told to do things without questioning. He seem to have developed early on as a self-reliant, independent thinker and to figure out things of importance to him and not just what your family or society thinks should be the norm. </p>
<p>@mom2and, I think you can let off steam by having a healthy discussion or heated debate without being disrespectful. There are also other ways to let off steam e.g doing a sport, kickboxing, running, or meditation. I don’t think you should be used as a punching bag if you think your son is having a bad day though.</p>
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<p>Expecting a child to refrain from being disrespectful, rude, and hateful is nowhere near the same thing as expecting them to be perfect. </p>
<p>The OP’s kid is way out of line and just because his mom offers him unconditional love does not give him the right to EVER speak to her the way he does. Doesn’t matter if he’s stressed at school or misses his Dad-it’s a pretty low threshold to expect him to refrain from mocking her, telling her to shut up, and parroting her words with disdain dripping from every syllable.</p>