Mom of Child With Special Needs Says Airline 'Humiliated' Family

Parent Cafe
661

I dislike this women intensely, but am willing to believe she knew they had to buy a seat but had no idea they had to use it. Of course, that makes no sense at all. But, I can believe that’s what she thought however mostly she was outraged by a bossy flight attendant’s lack of deference and surprised the public didn’t see it her way and she’s using her daughter for sympathy points which is extremely off-putting along with everything else about her that I have read.

She will be quiet now because she very clearly lost and United has agreed to let her claim that she received an appropriately compassionate apology and she will buy a safety seat and fly United to Mexico next month.

662

A big learning in this conflict is to KEEP YOUR DISPUTES PRIVATE. If u take to social media to wage your war publicly, u will get blowback.

Amazing how much goodwill this woman has inadvertently generated for a much hated airline.

663

I predict she’ll be treated very respectfully on her flight to Mexico.

664

I’ll bet on her flight to Mexico she’ll bring the car seat she used to transport the child to the airport.

665

She so reminds me of local people, ughh. And in my obesity group, we often discussed. The embarrassment of air light flights. Those who could flew business. Others prearranged for extensor seat belts.

I think cavaliers are the cutest.

My cat used to drive 6-7 hours with me all the time. Such a great companion. Never jumped on my lap. Until he had to go to vets a few times, then hated the car.

666

Huh? My point is that they are all equal. No comeptition. Equal. Saying that her disability is worthy of more sympathy than others- thats competition. Agree. Unseemly.

I miss my cavalier. Great dog.

667

“…regardless of the type or cause of a disability, all people with disabilities deserve sympathy.”

It’s hard to argue with this sentiment, but I will. After all, as was asked upthread, “with dstark and possibly sorghum off, is there anyone left to argue with?” It might as well be me. :>

Can the daughter appreciate sympathy? I don’t know if the concept has any meaning in the case of a 3 y.o. functioning at a 6 m.o. level.

Does Elit, as horrible a person as she’s painted herself to be, deserve the sympathy that everyone, even the mean FA, surely have for her plight? Deserve it or not, is she even cognizant of what must surely be nearly universal empathy for her situation from those she comes in contact with daily, or is she too self-absorbed to notice?

Oldtimers here may remember that I am a stroke survivor. As such, some would consider me disabled. In a technical sense I probably am or, to be more accurate, surely I was “legally” disabled for a while as I was recovering.

I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. Empathy, sure; sympathy, no.

I was so dead set on not wanting sympathy that even when I was at my worst I refused to use handicapped parking spaces.

On a lighter note, I’m writing this as I cool down from a 5 mile run. To see me now, you’d never know I *was/i disabled.

668

Sherpa,
You are a gem. And correct. Someone used the word sympathy and it remained, somehow becoming some sort of strange contest that one person’s disability is more worthy of it than another,and thats silly. Empathy is a better choice of words.

669

“Sympathy” doesn’t mean entitlement to have one’s way in all settings. “Sympathy” doesn’t mean excusing a parent 's lack of heed for their child’s safety.

I’d have very different feelings if this was a scenario where a parent had come prepared with a FAA-approved carrier, and the flight crew had refused to allow her to use it, or to carry it aboard the plane-- or if the child was in collapsible wheelchair and the family wasn’t allowed to bring it with them to stow on board the plane.

We really don’t have any evidence at all that this family was treated in any way other than with utmost respect. Even the mother’s own account really doesn’t sound particularly disrespectful to me – I wouldn’t equate a FA’s statement that a child needs to be in a seat for takeoff to be in any way discourteous. I do think that if a FA encounters an uncooperative passenger, that it’s probably very appropriate to adopt a firm tone of voice – in that case, it’s not helpful to send mixed messages and leave the passenger with the impression that there is room for debate.

And I really cannot buy the idea that a parent would know that they had to buy a seat for their over-age-2 child but not understand that the child was expected to occupy that seat. Airlines aren’t in the business of charging flyers for empty seats.

///
But I do agree that this thread has kind of run its course… I feel like I’m just posting the same thing over and over so maybe it is time to let it go.

670

“I miss my cavalier. Great dog.”

I’m sorry about your dear dog. You just need to get another one as soon as possible. I think we’ll always have to have one around, at least after we stop traveling. I don’t know what I’m going to do when one of them dies, they are 8 and 11, and I worry a lot about them.

Because of this thread, I’m going to look into some safer car options. Thank you to the people who gave the ideas. I hope one works. My older one is so stubborn, though.

671

I can’t get one. DS#2 is allergic and DS1’s fiancee is very (as in asthma attack) allergic. I don’t need to give them any excuse not to visit.

672

Oh no. Well, maybe if later on you decide you don’t like her…you know what kind of dog to get.

673

Fiancee is a keeper. So is DS#2. So will stick to doggie sitting on occasion (though the cav in the neighborhood I used to watch passed away)

674

“I can’t get one. DS#2 is allergic and DS1’s fiancee is very (as in asthma attack) allergic. I don’t need to give them any excuse not to visit.”

My mom has always had a cat. My SIL is allergic. They always have to meet mom somewhere other than her place. It’s a pain for my mom. So it’s a good idea for you to not get a pet.

675

I think that Mom learned a good lesson from all of this. I do think the airline was right in this case, but I can tell you that I have no love for FAs and other airline personnel. My experiences have shown rudeness and alot of “Napoleon”, “The Boss” complexes there, more so than in the general public We see this everywhere, but for whatever reason, the airlines seem to have a lot of this. I do have a lot of sympathy and support their measures on checking for weapons and other such things to keep the flight safe in light of the world situation, but some of their other stuff really can get to me.

As an older and wiser (I hope ) person now, I have matured to see some of the situations like this becoming a personal responsibility. As a young person, yes, I might have gotten ticked off in this situation if it was something that was no big deal ever before and someone suddenly flags it and the fact of the matter is that the child, in this case, is not bigger or heavier than a lot of the under two kids. It’s a rule that makes little safety sense in light of the under 2 exemption. I’d get heated if a bag that was used constantly for travel suddenly got nixed because a FA decided to measure it and it’s a tiny bit over sized from reg, others are sporting bigger bags and other exception and I know danged well it would fit in the over head compartment. THese days, with kids, and being older, I toe the line, understand the risks I take when I break the rule and generally don’t But in my younger days,…well, that’s another story.

My oldest was a huge kid. 30 lbs as a one year old and tall as well. He also looked and moved like an older kid. When I finally could afford to fly, rather than drive, yes, he sat on my lap as allowed by law until he was 2. He looked 4 when he was 2. I did get flagged one time by a very nasty FA about his age and she was very pointed and nearly threatening about the questions about his age. There were no regs that you had to bring proof of age or anything, at least those days,and he was truly under 2 years old. It was embarrassing and humiliating as it highlighted the situation to fellow passengers, and I know most felt certain that my son was not under 2. I remember pulling out my driver’s license and my pediatrician’s card and telling her to go on ahead and verify that I have a son, only one child who is in the top 1% of his size, off the charts in size, and I did note her name and say I was going to complain of harassment with a doctor’s statement attached. She did back off, did not apologize, and did not take down the info I was glad to provide. After that, I carried a doctor’s note with his stamp and his card stapled to it, with me when I flew with that son, giving his DOB and where he was in the child part, but was never flagged again. I don’t think I flew more than twice before he aged up anyways.

But with the others who were not that size, I snuck them on my lap, some up to age 4 without any issues as did many people I know. Wouldn’t do it today, but yes, at the time we did do this. Knew the risks of being caught, but in my case it never happened I don’t know if these days, people get flagged for this or if one has to do some sort of preflight thing to bring a lap child or board, but this was quite the common cheat back when my kids where little, and I am a bit ashamed to say that I did take part.

676

^ When we fly I have always carried my kids birth certificates with us. Now I only carry the 13 year old’s since the other two have a DL. I’m probably just being paranoid. lol

677

^ Not paranoid. Though never flagged, just asked age, I realized that some of my teens pre DL, could pass for over 18, and carried their passports when they reached that point. One at age 14 (not the one who was so huge as baby but one who was tiny as a child) hit puberty early and had a heavy dark beard growth, was swarthy, was a big guy. Did not look 14 at all. My youngest at age 15, 16, pre DL, LP, was over 6 feet tall but he did have that young look about him–had a school id too, but since that was post 9/11, I carried his passport with always but no one blinked an eye.

Actually, I have so many kids of so many ages, that i have a lot of birth certificates and trying to match one with the kid could be tricky. The oldest does NOT look like he is the oldest or his age , though my youngest definitely looks like the youngest and his age.

678

I had a reverse situation. D was flying up to Amherst for a diversity weekend, late September of her senior year of HS and she was 4 months shy of her 18th birthday. We got to the ticket counter for her boarding pass and they gave me one as well for my “minor” child. We laughed and asked them why I could go through security for my 17 year old…they all thought she was about 12! I went to give back my pass, and they said go ahead and keep it. I got to go with her to the gate, and upon her return a couple of days later I took that pass to the ticket counter and told them I was picking up my minor child. I got another pass and picked her up at the gate. So much for strict security.

679

I don’t care, sympathy, empathy, whatever, comply with the law on both sides. If the law is that her daughter has to be in a car seat that makes it very difficult for a passenger on the other side to leave their seat, then that’s an accommodation. Remember there is a rule about being able to open the emergency exit on a plane if you are in that row.

I think everyone needs to respect each other. And not focus on whether the other guy or gal is getting preferential treatment unfairly.

680

They would not put a child in a carseat in the exit row. You have to be 18 to sit in the exit row, IIRC.