Mom of Child With Special Needs Says Airline 'Humiliated' Family

Parent Cafe
681

Of course, what I meant was, some folks have IBS type symptoms, and if on a crowded plane and in a row where instead of telling adults “excuse me” and you move by, literally the child would have to be taken out of the car seat which may or may not be easy, in order to get out of your row.

So the child must be in a car seat, but not being able to leave your row is something that would be a barrier for certain disabled people. On a crowded plane, what would they do?

(returning to, why would the FAA allow airlines to have a minor seated with no other family member?)

682

If I had IBS and anticipated a need to use the facilities frequently, I’d try in advance to work with the airlines to get an aisle seat-- even pay the few bucks extra to do so if need be. This to me is a no brainer. Carseats aside, there are often large, or sleeping passengers or passengers with their laptops set up in their tray tables, all of which pose a challenge to the person who needs to get out.

683

It’s a no-brainer, but I’ve reserved plane tickets when there were no aisle seats left.

Conversely, I once flew on a 50-seat plane as the only passenger. I had a pilot, a co-pilot, and two stewardesses all to myself. It was great. I did move up my seat :slight_smile: And got to look out the front windshield of the plane. Scared the carp out of me, but very very cool.

They told me they had to go anyway, so it was less boring with one passenger than with no passengers.

684

They hold seats back controlled by the gate agent when you get close to the flight date. Its usually doable to get an aisle seat.

685

great typo!

686

Since this thread has been all over the place and is now 46 pages long, I’m going to feel fully at liberty to derail it at any given moment without this bugging anybody too much. :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

One of the reasons why I take a deep breath when I see a thread come up with a word like “humiliate” in the title is because I don’t need to know anything else about it, not the rest of the words in the title, not who posted it, not what it’s about, to know there is huge potential for somebody in the discussion or silently reading to get hurt. This is not to say it’s not a valid topic of discussion, but I’m always worried about people getting hurt. Shame is such a heavy, heavy burden. I think when anyone feels something is too much too bear, there is potential for bad stuff to happen. So yeah, I hope the discussion won’t last too long because I want to see that word humiliate not keep popping up, because i don’t want anybody to get hurt. More off topic, but I usually try to avoid buzz or trigger words too that can stir people up in a negative way. Makes my writing more boring, and I’m aware of that. It’s the choice I’ve made. Occasionally I let loose a little more.

Another reason to derail, and it’s not really derailing if you think about it, is to let the mind work in diffuse mode and avoid, I believe it’s called, Einstellung effect.

Anyhow, that’s my detour for now.

687

There are some posters who seem to frequently make side comments and/or purposely derail a thread, which disruptive to those trying to have a discussion (regardless of whether people agree with or like the discussion or not). Lets please not derail the thread again. The conversation is currently about issues related to flying, including seating, FAA regulations and advanced arrangements for those with disabilities. If someone wants to talk about something else, its best to start another thread.

688

These days, trying to get seats together can be a challenge. Even getting 2 seats together without paying premium can be an issue. So, yes, families often have to be separated. We’ve flown as a family a few time in the last two years and not once were we all together. Not an issue since we did not have small children, but if this were the old days when we had MSC (many small children), we would have been the night mare family on the plane with all of the kids scattered everywhere.

My son and his cousin were booked on some flights together, would have liked to have sat together, but without paying extra for each of them, it was no go.

689

With all due respect you have derailed the thread quite a bit as well, Jym.

690

This was a group of 16. They could have arranged seating. And, money does not seem to have been an issue.

691

Delta is launching new categories which makes it even harder to sit together. What used to be the lowest price fare will now be the second lowest. The lowest will now have limited video access and will not assign an advanced seet no matter what. So, while they claim they’ll assign the seat at the gate, if the flight is oversold and someone doesnt have a seat assignment, guess who isn’t getting on the plane! Wonder if they will pay that person with $ or credits to take a later flight or its tis just “too bad, that’s the risk with the cheap fare”. Quite annoying. http://time.com/money/3631772/delta-basic-economy-worst-airline-ticket/

692

@rhandco, why would the FAA let kids sit by themselves? Children can fly by themselves as unaccompanied minors after the age of 5. My daugnter flew ATL to Detroit 5 days after her 5th birthday alone to visit my parents. I had to pay an additional fee that ensured she was in the custody of an airline employee until my parents showed ID to “claim” her. Sounds like she was baggage!

693

“(returning to, why would the FAA allow airlines to have a minor seated with no other family member?”

Please read the thread. In this case, it is misleading to suggest that Ivy had “some seat in the middle of Yemen” without anyone around. The family had 12 premium seats and 4 coach seats, which they could rearrange amongst themselves in any way that they saw fit. It is really irrelevant to anything whether the specific seat listed on her specific ticket was in coach or premium. Really, if my traveling companion has 2A and I have 11B, we can decide that I take 2A and he can take 11B and no one is going to come after us.

But in the broader sense - minors can travel without other family members - they just have to pay an unaccompanied minor fee which puts them on the radar screen of an airline employee who looks after them.

694

The girl in question was 3, and the local newspaper said in the mother’s party there were five total people, including both parents, the girl, and two others. And the girl was the only one with an economy seat, the rest had first class seats. And the mother took the girl into first class where she did not have a seat. I don’t know if different media outlets are reporting different numbers/circumstances.

I can see a 5 year old of normal development being able to fly alone with special arrangements, handing off between agents. I cannot see the FAA allowing a 3 year old to be ticketed in a different section of a plane.

I’m sorry if I was unclear, I know young kids do fly alone BUT as you said, in that case, the airlines makes special arrangements. They certainly don’t fly alone by themselves without any adult checking on them, at least not those under 12 (I don’t consider teens “kids” I guess, that was not clear). These people would not even bring a car seat for their disabled daughter, so I kind of doubt they would make special arrangements if needed.

http://airconsumer.ost.dot.gov/publications/KidsAlone.pdf

Note for CC parents - the FAA warns that if you give your kid access to a credit card, they could buy a plane ticket and get on a plane without ID if they look under 18.

695

Is there a requirement that minors be seated with an accompanying adult? If not, I think there should be.

696

“Note for CC parents - the FAA warns that if you give your kid access to a credit card, they could buy a plane ticket and get on a plane without ID if they look under 18.”

Remember Sleepless in Seattle? My friend was very concerned when her HS aged kid (who we suspect has some sort of mild ADHD) asked about airfares to Paris and the best places to buy plane tickets. I told her to lock up his passport because without it the kid is not going to get out of the US and to monitor cc activity closely.

697

"Delta is launching new categories which makes it even harder to sit together. What used to be the lowest price fare will now be the second lowest. The lowest will now have limited video access and will not assign an advanced seet no matter what. So, while they claim they’ll assign the seat at the gate, if the flight is oversold and someone doesnt have a seat assignment, guess who isn’t getting on the plane! Wonder if they will pay that person with $ or credits to take a later flight or its tis just “too bad, that’s the risk with the cheap fare”. "

Delta has made a lot of changes this year, that in particular will hit people who are flying on lower priced fares. They are trying to spin this as a positive, but it will not be for most people. The main beneficiaries are those who book expensive seats, and are high level medallion status. Supposedly there will be more seats open, for lower miles, and one way deals, but I’m going to reserve judgment on that. I guess the positive is that less people will have medallion status for upgrade, but otherwise, I think it’s going to be ugly. I had not heard of this change that you quote.

As far as bumping someone off the plane, you get actual cash payment, based upon how long the delay is in getting you to your destination. It could be a good deal for some people, other times, a bad deal. But at least they have to pay you, which is why they are always soliciting volunteers for oversold flights. Cheaper and makes people less angry.

698

My sister was once upgraded to first class when a seat became available due to a cello being moved into a closet. So, did the musician purchase two seats, in first class, so s/he could sit next to the cello? What musician could afford that? What if the cello had a coach seat - would it make a good seat mate? Does it need a shoulder harness?

I wouldn’t mind a cello as a seat mate at all!

699

We never attempted to fly when our children were young, and lack of respite in one case meant we did not get to go to a funeral for a close relative. But -

I have to wonder, do you think the mother would have reacted similarly if she had been called on attempting this with
a “typical” under-sized and over-aged child, who could have easily sat in an airplane seat without assistance? I think perhaps a little bit of “we got away with this last time, why not now, this is a silly rule that could have been ignored” might have gone through her mind, but I am guessing that after a little bit of seat shuffling among family members the issue would have been resolved.

I’m pretty sure I would have come with a carrier for the flight, because I tend to be extra cautious when something like that is under my control, but would also guess that there were relatives or others who did not want to go to the trouble of getting it through security and carrying it through the airport, in addition to the burden of traveling with a young child with a disability and additional children. Perhaps the mother, overwhelmed at the thought of schlepping everything necessary through the airport, thought that trying to get away with holding Ivy as a lap child was worth a little risk in order to avoid other inconvenience, and family members traveling with her were imho implicit in supporting her.

I can understand this, and can also understand the panic that ensued when it seemed for a while that they might not have been able to return home as smoothly as they embarked on their trip, or were even at risk being kicked off the flight and suffering additional inconvenience as they sought to arrange a new flight with proper seating arrangements. Many of us react irrationally when faced with this sort of thing, and can begin to say things we will later regret even if we are correct. (And, technically, the mother was not “in the right” per FAA regulations.) The FA was also put on the spot.

I sometimes travel with a family member who needs adaptive equipment and comes with a doctor’s note, yet regularly encounters quite a bit of rude and hostile behavior at TSA check-points. This has been going on for years. Perhaps there would be more sympathy for a child? I don’t know…

The child is only a few years old, and the mother is new to the world of being a parent to a child who does not fit the mold, and who will always stick out as different. She cannot draw on the wisdom of older relatives who have not raised a disabled child. She will learn, as the years go by, that she will just need to grow a very thick hide in a judgmental world. I am also older and seasoned, and might have felt differently when my children were younger and I was newer to the world of “exceptional parenting.” In the end, I would cut her a good bit of slack, am pleased that there was a way to get the family to their destination, and glad that the family will continue to travel.

Not quite the same thing, but I was always glad (and remain glad) to see a family with an obviously autistic child taking their child out in public to have fun and dealing with disruptions as they arise. Too many families remain prisoners in their homes. We no longer tolerate the institutions of previous generations, where children such as Ivy could be sequestered for a (usually short) lifetime while families could go about their business, including vacations, almost but not quite as if the child had never been born, but haven’t yet arrived at a solution for what is best and most “fair” to families who have taken over many of the functions of institutions of yore.

I think if there is any silver lining in this, more attention might be focused on the dangers of traveling with lap children of any age or size, the need for additional assistance to move families such as this through the process of checking into airports and getting to appropriate seating when they carry adaptive equipment, and some sensitivity to family seating needs on airplanes. (We are never surprised when we are split up.) Of course, all this will cost money…

700

Deborah,
if you don’t like the word in the title of the thread to pop up on your inbox, perhaps you night be more comfortable “unfollowing” it. IIRC, it was the mother herself who used the word “humiliated”. The OP just quoted it in the title. This is the parents forum and most people here can choose to handle the conversation or choose not to participate if they feel shamed. Please give them some credit.

Now, again back to topic. Yes, busdriver, the Delta changes are going to be interesting. I for one hope they get a lot of pushback. They also changed their mileage program, making it based on the ticket cost, not the distance traveled (my DH just did a mileage run before the end of the year to bump his status). Now the people who want to pay the lowest fares will not only risk not getting a seat, but they cannot change their ticket AT ALL. They will be at the mercy of the airline. I am wondering, for these passengers who never are assigned a seat and have to take another flight, what token reimbursement will they be offered since they , while being a ticketed passenger, are not a passenger with a seat assignment. Hmmm…