I only breastfed D1 for a couple of months, but nursed D2 for 9 months. It went easier, though still troublesome at first, and it really was a nice bonding time.
For those who haven’t had children yet, I want to assure you that the sexual aspect of your breasts is completely non-existent when nursing. It’s hard to believe beforehand, but it is completely and totally different and requires no mental coaxing on your part to try to separate them.
I’m not sure I did a good job of expressing that, but when you are young, childless and sexually active, you typically only think of sexual stimulation and the pleasure that comes with that when thinking of anything breast related. At least that association was very strong for me before hand, and therefore I just couldn’t imagine wanting to breastfeed beyond the colostrum donation in the hospital. But that association was nonexistent once the baby came.
I really wanted to breastfeed for all the health reasons and whatnot but it really boiled down to easy and laziness and cost RE bottles and formula and nipples etc. That seemed like way too much organization for me. Breastfeeding just seemed like so much less trouble and was for me even with some mastitis trouble in the 2nd go round.
I talked to my mom about breastfeeding 5 children during a time when it really wasn’t done much. I said, “wow, were you just ahead of your time and totally committed to giving your children an edge against disease, etc.?”
She said, “nah, I was just lazy. Didn’t want to mess with bottles and formula and all that stuff in the middle of the night.”
Yep . . . roll over, nurse, go back to sleep. Kid #1 never really quite woke up in the night so neither did I. Kid #2 had to sit up but it was still easier.
Yep! I was never “up” at night with babies. Nursing while sleeping was great. I’m the type that if I have to “be up” at night then I can’t fall back asleep.
I also loved the convenience of nursing. There was just so much comfort of knowing that I was always ready, anytime, any place. I had absolutely no concept of mixing formula and all the decisions over which bottles and nipples were better…let alone sterilizing anything. That seemed like a lot of work to me. I got pretty good at feeding in public in a discreet way too. My middle child weaned herself because she wanted to chase her sister instead of cuddling with me
Making a bottle is about as onerous as pouring a glass of milk; there really aren’t “decisions” to be made, except whether you want the bottle that has hearts and flowers or Winnie the Pooh. And I’m not quite sure what’s so convenient about a method that (for some women) requires you to schlep you and baby to a meeting to gain support in doing it. But seriously, to each her own. I couldn’t have cared less what my girlfriends did and vice versa. Some of them were squicked out like me from the get-go, others were motivated by practical concerns (money, losing weight) but were neutral on the act itself, still others thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. It’s a big world out there!
After a year of waiting we got a call to fly to another city the next day to take custody of a baby who’d already been on a bottle for 6 weeks. Even if I’d somehow been able to stimulate lactation through medication and pumping (and believe me, I tried) it wouldn’t have been fair to an already freaked out infant to change yet more in his environment.
I did get a couple of comments about not doing things the “natural” way, ironically some of them from adoptive moms who were using frozen donated breast milk.
As a bottle feeder I was always jealous of breastfeeding moms. I remember getting stuck with my baby in a mall when he unexpectedly became ravenous. I had a backup bottle with me but no way to heat it, and he wasn’t a kid who’d take it cold. I begged the befuddled guy at the food court Chinese food stand for a cup of hot water and tearfully rocked my screaming child under the withering gaze of other parents while waiting for the bottle to reach an acceptable temp. Not my fondest memory of his infancy.
And sterilizing - seriously, that’s from the 1950s. I had premies who came home at 4 lbs apiece - and still, we were told that bottles washed in a dishwasher in our clean house were just fine. I still boiled stuff because I was neurotic but it wasn’t necessary at all.
I think bf advocates often send mixed messages about convenience. Either formula is the lazy way out (which is why it needs to be paternalistically kept away from new moms because they’ll go for it at 2 am when they are exhausted and struggling) - in which case convenience is a bad thing - or bf is the easy, simple way because you’ve got all the equipment right there and convenience is a selling point and what new mother would want to muck with all that terribly complicated bottles, nipples, sterilizing, etc. From a marketing / advertising point of view, it’s a very inconsistent message.
“I did get a couple of comments about not doing things the “natural” way, ironically some of them from adoptive moms who were using frozen donated breast milk.”
Do these women wear clothing, brush their teeth, go to doctors, cook food, shop at the mall, use the internet? Did they drive or fly to pick up the babies they were adopting? Did they use freezers to store the donated breast milk? None of these things are “natural” either. I say the hell with people who fetishize “natural.” These are the same people who drink water but wouldn’t ever touch a glass of dihydrogen oxide because the chemicals.
I know a doctor, who when patients start refusing potentially life saving medicines, saying they prefer “natural” supplements because drugs are dangerous, replies, “well, poison ivy and rattlesnake venom are ‘natural’ too, you know.”
I personally don’t think breastfeeding is all that “natural.” Else why do so many of us need so much freaking help with it?
Again, it’s each to her own. Whether it’s breast or bottle, work or stay at home, or any other number of things, most moms who love their kids are going to do well by them. Obviously there are some exceptions, like moms who love their kids but don’t believe in life saving medical interventions, but in general, I think most moms will do what’s best for their kids while considering that in context with their own situations.
My temperament is not wired for staying home with kids from birth to college. I would not have been good for my kids like that. Others are clearly MADE for being a great SAHM. I just wish every woman had the luxury of choice.
@Pizzagirl, lol I’ve never heard that word before.
I went to LLL meetings because I’d just moved to the area, hadn’t gone back to work yet, and didn’t know anyone. It was a source of new friends. I did go back to work part time with the first when he was a year and a half old, with the second I went back at six weeks, but I had an amazing boss who actually had me bring me with me for another six months. (She really, really wanted to be a grandmother and work was very slow at the time.) I could do nearly everything I needed to do with him in a backpack or sling.
I think breastfeeding is natural, but we’ve gotten so civilized we’ve forgotten how to pass it on. Like having back problems for getting on two feet, I think evolution didn’t necessarily result in easy breastfeeding the way it is for puppies.
There have been baby-formula substitutes and wet nurses in many cultures for years, which suggests that it hasn’t always “come naturally.” Of course, some of that is due to higher maternal mortality rates than today, for which we can thank modern science.
I am also doing a project for a client on global baby child rearing practices. I can’t link to it, but the blog A Cup of Jo has a series called Motherhood Around the World - written by expats who are now in different cultures. There’s very little that’s truly “natural” in the sense that different cultures have evolved to value different things - independence vs dependence, one way vs a multitude of ways, privacy vs community, public spaces, etc. fascinating stuff.
Wet nurses really came between life and death for babies who had no mother to nurse them or whose mother couldn’t or wouldn’t nurse.
People figured out long, long, ago that a woman’s fertility returned sooner if she did not breastfeed and so women with politically powerful spouses had the imperative to have as many children as possible to make sure there was at least one heir to the throne, and so they did not nurse their babies. Having a wet nurse and not nursing your own baby became seen as something of luxury that only the rich did. It was easy then for the formula companies in the early 20th century to capitalize on this (literally) and sell the idea that formula was better.
Now things have changed 180 degrees in the western world with mainly wealthier women having the option to breastfeed or not because they don’t have to return back to work so quickly.
When it came time to wean/introduce solid food, I noticed some fascinating cultural differences between Israeli, American, and French culture. In Israel, we were given a recipe for The Soup, a rich and complicated mix of vegetables and spices that had to be made at home. It couldn’t be purchased commercially. This was the first food recommended by the government well baby clinics. My American baby books all said I should start with rice cereal and gradually new foods one at a time to test for allergies. My French bf with a child a little older than mine told me to give the baby delicious ripe fruits that I mashed up----peaches, bananas, sweet yummy things. Eating should be a pleasure, she said, not a science experiment.
I think mothers should do whatever works best for them and their baby and ignore pressure from others but that’s easy for me to say. I have one DIL who only nursed for three months and wasn’t thrilled about it. My other DIL is still nursing and would like to do it as long as possible. Both have happy, contented and healthy babies. I’m happy to go along with whatever they want.
I certainly did it for the convenience. I lived overseas where infant formula was not as easily accessible. Especially that many years ago and travelling with an infant and having to carry formula was too hard. It once took me 3 1/2 days to reach home and I am SO glad I was not trying to carry enough formula for that. And no, you can’t just pop into a store in an airport in Egypt and buy more. I did not need support or LL to do it. It’s just what worked for me. Nursed all three for a year. I can’t understand what’s no convenient about always having it handy and at the right temperature. Even if you don’t have to sterilize the bottles, you still have to have them available and carry them wherever you go. I’m not one to pack heavily. I usually carried one change for the baby, a couple of diapers and a small pack of wipes.
Fwiw, my issue with breastfeeding has nothing to do with the sexualization of breasts. I’m very matter of fact about my body and don’t consider breasts or genitals “off-limits” or particular sexual the way many people in this country do.
I cross my arms over my breasts because 1- they’ve always been super sensitive and 2- the idea of baby spit on me makes me gag.
I bottle fed both kids and found it very easy/convenient. H generally made up the bottles which made it even easier. For night feedings I kept a bottle in a little cooler upstairs in the nursery and had an electric bottle warmer there, too.
