<p>A good friend’s 21 year old son got drunk and smashed his car into a tree. The family is devastated, but grateful that he didn’t injure anyone else. He barely lived, but after 9 months has apparently received pretty much all the medical care he needs and is now at home going back & forth to rehab for brain injury. He’s pretty mobile, but doesn’t have great balance so he needs constant supervision.</p>
<p>The mom has given up her career (small business owner) to care for him full-time and is just miserable. I was wondering if there were any support groups (physical or internet) that could help her to help him. This was a very happy go luck kid and a great athlete - it’s just unbelievably sad that one stupid decision has ruined all their lives.</p>
<p>Any ideas I can pass on to at least make her life more bearable?</p>
<p>She might find some help in the message boards for military families. Lots of young people are coming back form their tours of duty with brain injuries. Granted, the military services do have some benefits that civilians don’t have access to, but a mom, dad, or spouse who has been-there-seen-that is a precious resource.</p>
<p>AllThis, it can be a very very long road. H’s uncle did exactly the same thing when he was 18. Lived at home until his parents were in their 80s, then his siblings shuttled him in and out of various sheltered living situations until his death. (He would be kicked out because of belligerence.)</p>
<p>I’m not telling you this to depress you. I’m sharing it to let you know that long after the newness of the situation has worn off, for perhaps her entire life, your friend will need your compassion and support.</p>
<p>Frankly, although I completely understand her decision in the short term, I think it unwise of your friend to give up her career. This is a long, long road.</p>
<p>This happened to one of our neighbors. Ten years or so later, the son lives in a group home and visits his parents on weekends. Very difficult for everyone.</p>
<p>Yes, this will be an ongoing challenge…if not done already, it might be helpful for this young man to undergo neuropsychological testing to determine specific strengths and limitations. This can identify areas he can focus his energies on and things to be aware of. A neuropsychologist can for example advise that alcohol and drugs are more damaging to someone with a brain injury. My dear friend’s son is living with a brain injury, secondary to a stroke caused by a drug overdose. He drives and has been able to work in a grocery store. Another friend’s son who suffered a brain injury post car accident now works as a cashier at a local Michael’s craft store, they seem to hire people with different disabilities. So there is some hope…</p>
<p>Here are some online resources to get started. Most states have their own brain injury associations, also, which can be a significant help. Not sure what state you are in, but you can google it. He also should have a case manager through your state’s Senior and Disabled Services (it may be called something different in your state). This case manager should be able to assist with the resources out there. </p>
<p>Thanks for the posts and the PMs. I will compile a list and send to my friend. I wish there was a CC for her. She’s a great writer and I think one day she’ll write a book about her journey, but it’s really, really hard right now. </p>
<p>I wish every HS student had to go push this young man’s wheelchair around the block before getting their driver’s license.</p>
<p>One more thing that she might look into that could be helpful is any respite care services that may be available in her state. She might also consider hiring a student to help out part-time to give herself a breather. If she has extra space in her house, perhaps she could allow the student to have free lodging in exchange for helping out with her S?</p>
<p>I strongly urge your friend to make sure she is seeing a therapist of some sort to work through her own emotions. There have got to be a lot of conflicting emotions – compassion towards the son mixed with anger that his own conduct got him into that situation; her own desires to care for her son mixed with regret that she can’t focus on her career; and I’m sure there are also financial worries. These can be very hard to deal with and she will need to ensure that she takes time for herself; she cannot be the full-time caregiver without some respite, whether it’s volunteer or paid help. My very best of wishes to her.</p>
<p>That is heartbreaking. In addition to the national organizations there may be local resources. Is the rehab that he is receiving in a facility that focuses on the care of people with brain injury? This is not to say that the therapy won’t be good if it isn’t. Sometimes it is necessary to get the care where it is practical. My thought would be to locate the most notable facility for brain injury rehabilitation that is the closest in proximity to your friend’s home. Even if therapy at this facility is not feasible they may be able to provide information about community resources and organizations that might be helpful within the area. These facilities may have support groups and programming that is open to the community. All the best to them. They are fortunate to have friends like you to help support them.</p>
<p>Agree with spectrum2, have the mom ask the facility about what support groups and other resources may be available in and around her community to help her adjust and care for her S. Some organized group activities where she can meet other families and perhaps they can take turns caring for several kids so that the others can get a breather from time to time while the kids have activities would likely be very helpful. Group activities are also nice so that the families and kids don’t seem so isolated.</p>
<p>Brain injury is so difficult, the physical issues are often very visible but the cognitive and behavioral issues are sometimes less apparent or expected but may be more difficult to deal with. In some ways this is more difficult with a child of 21 than a younger child because there are support systems in place for children within the school system. People with brain injury progress for years beyond their initial injury but lots of structure and support is needed. With short term memory loss use of compensatory strategies is a must. I would expect that this is being addressed in therapy and perhaps she has tools to work on this at home when he repeats a question. It is probably important for her to know that although he is no longer in need of medical care he very likely will continue to progress with ongoing therapy. She will without a doubt need to get help from others. Hopefully social services at the facility he is at can help her with that. I worked with people with brain injuries for many years and also had a dear friend whose child was injured so I have looked at this from different perspectives. One of the most profound things that a psychologist mentioned in a conference that I attended was that parents need to mourn the loss of the child they had and learn to love their child as they are now. I cannot imagine how hard that is to do. Years ago I worked with a teen who sustained a brain injury who was also a soccer player. I tried to tap into his interest by directing his therapy around kicking a soccer ball. He wasn’t having any of it. He told me flat out, “this isn’t soccer.” It was better to try things that were in his grasp at that moment rather than to try and take him back to his former life. This isn’t true for everyone, my friend’s kid loved basketball and still does, even with cortical blindness. It is very much a matter of getting to know the person they are today.</p>