<p>Since I’m the starter of this thread, I guess you can tell how I’m feeling tonight. There are many things that we, as mothers and wives, do to help our children and husbands. And I’m happy to do them;very happy, usually. I don’t ask for much back. Is it too much to ask them, once in a while, to watch a movie on tv, that I’m very certain that they/we would enjoy watching together? It used to be that my sons trusted me when I told them they would love a certain film. I was usually correct, and they were glad we watched it together. But now, they just don’t want to be bothered. I don’t care about material things, gifts, etc. Just want to watch a gosh darned movie. I’d like to hear some opinions and I want honesty, but, hey could you be a little bit gentle for me. Thanks.</p>
<p>It would be interesting to hear the gripes of other wives/moms.</p>
<p>I can boil it all down to the 2 words that I usually don’t hear without prompting – Thank You! And for the record, DD & DS have been pretty well trained (by me!), so my annoyance is almost always w/ DH. When the frustration builds, I usually have to go for a walk or something. :)</p>
<p>I don’t mind doing many of my family’s errands for them. I have a flexible schedule; my husband doesn’t. And when my kids are home from college, they don’t have full-time access to a car; I do. </p>
<p>What I do mind is when people expect me to read their minds and anticipate their needs. Yes, when you were babies, I kept track of the diaper supply and replenished it when necessary. (Or, in DH’s case, his mom did it.) But you are not babies now. </p>
<p>If you are running low on some product that only you use, do not expect that I will realize it. And if you run out of said product because you didn’t ask me to buy more, it’s your fault, not mine. You are capable of speech, and you are intelligent enough to realize when something is running low. Do not expect me to search the house before I go to the store to determine whether you are almost out of your brand of deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, cereal, ice cream, or whatever. You’ve been out of diapers for a long time.</p>
<p>My husband and my youngest are the worst when it comes to cleaning up after themselves…particularly husband. I blame his mother for doing too much for him. I am constantly hounding my daughter, pick this up, put that away,throw that out…every morning, I come downstairs to wrappers, soda cans…drives me nuts</p>
<p>Yes, I have had my share of feeling underappreciated! But, I will share that on Valentine’s Day, I did receive the nicest e-mail from son, who reminded me of just how appreciative he is. Yes, I have experienced some of the same things(soda cans, etc.). I will continue to happily do the things that I feel do not even get noticed at times. However, it is the little moments (e-mail) that do finally come around that I guess re-energize me!</p>
<p>I think my sons appreciate me. The husband, on the other hand, takes it for granted that I will do the shopping, handle the laundry, iron, repair clothes, pay the bills, organize the house, and – oh yes – earn the income. That’s a major problem.</p>
<p>I have a bit of a different situation; my husband is amazing around the house; extremely helpful and always has been…My kids are horrendous with both of us…</p>
<p>Marian: your quote about them being out of diapers is priceless and right on the mark…I am not a mind reader; if something is used up, PUT IT ON THE SHOPPING LIST!!!</p>
<p>Also, this is not a restaurant; we prepare dinner (almost) every night…to the tune of “we didnt ask for that; we didn’t want that for dinner”…This is why college will be a blessing for D1; complain to them; I don’t want to hear it…</p>
<p>My husband and I have joked that we would like a divorce from our kids, not from each other…LOL</p>
<p>I wanted to ask how many moms who work outside the home, are also the ones who ultimately take responsibility for most of the work of raising their children? I know there are many guys that will do anything to help, both around the house and with the children, and some claim it is a 50/50 split. But, there is still a huge difference between being the one in charge, and being the assistant. Even if major decisions are made together, I see most of the women “mentally” the CEO’s of their children’s lives. They take responsibility for their children’s education, their health care, their social, their spiritual life (if important), their home life. I don’t know if it is because they want to, it is a maternal thing, or if guys just don’t see the same needs. At parties, the guys talk sports, work, sometimes politics, cars, etc. The women compare health care, education, colleges, etc-- the things that affect their children more directly. Obviously a generalization…just my observation of most career couples with children.</p>
<p>This whole college process began as a “group activity”…As the process has become “old” the following evolution has occured:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I, as the wife/mother, have become the CEO of the process…In terms of organization, updates, and direction…(if I could only hang up a shlngle outside)</p></li>
<li><p>My daughter is the best “worker bee” ever…She has taken control of everything that needs to be completed, (as long as she knows what that is) she is great…She does not read minds, nor has she necessarily become obsessed with the process, but she gets the job done…at this late date, however, she is extremely negative with her prospects (defense mechanism) even though she has already been accepted to schools with decent merit awards…</p></li>
<li><p>My husband has been promoted to CFO in charge of scholarships…He was done with the process of admissions long ago and doesn’t really relate to my d’s moods as of late…lots of tension there…</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I would truly prefer to be a bystander, but very difficult to do when people engage and involve you…I actually didn’t mind the whole thing until the last few weeks…the waiting and ,moreso, the uncertainty has been a little tough on all of us…</p>
<p>and unfortunately, my d decided “no ED” long ago…</p>
<p>I think that one person has to be the CEO or important details get lost in the shuffle.</p>
<p>Usually, it is the mom, but I knew one family where it was the dad. The two parents worked different shifts, and it was usually the dad who was with his child after school. He evolved into being the one who knew all the details of his child’s schedule, who was responsible for knowing what clothes and supplies the child needed (even if sometimes it was his wife who took the child shopping), and who helped with homework and dealt with teachers. It worked out quite well, but it led to some odd conversations among parents because sometimes he could participate in a “moms-type” conversation, and his wife couldn’t.</p>
<p>In another family that I knew, the CEO was the grandmother. Both parents worked long hours and had long commutes, but the grandmother was retired and was home most of the time. She drifted into being the one who knew all the details of her grandchild’s life, even to the point of arranging carpools and sleepovers.</p>
<p>I did it/do it all. I have always worked full-time (except for some unfortunate periods of unemployment!). I helped the sons determine which schools to apply to, went on most of the college visits (DH did a few with each son), and figured out how to pay for college. I have always arranged the doctors’/dentists’ appointments. I have always decided on allowance. I have always hired and negotiated with the nanny and the cleaning lady or, if we didn’t have one, I’ve arranged the temporary child care or actually done the cleaning. (Yech.) Before my sons could drive, I was usually in charge of driving them somewhere – if I couldn’t do it, I “instructed” my DH to drive – but he definitely needed “instructions.” I always pay the bills. I file the taxes.</p>
<p>My joke – ha ha – is that I have three teenage boys – except one is 18, one is 23, and one is 57. :(</p>
<p>In our house, I (Mom) did it all for years - work, kids, house, etc. Then, the best thing happened…DH was laid off. DH took on getting kids up, fed, lunches, drive to school. And he discovered that morning time with them is special! Mornings are still Dad’s domain. Of course I try to get up and out of the house so as not to tempt fate. :)</p>
<p>I have to say I also prefer one person as CEO. Stuff falls through the cracks when we try to share that in our household.</p>
<p>For me the issue is always having to be responsible for all the details in life, bills, schedules, doctors appointments, cleaning, taxes, trash (what goes out what day, which just changed), along with having to work and take care of kids. I live my life with one eye on the clock and know to the minute when I have to leave someplace to get somewhere else. H grocery shops and does half the dinner cooking, takes care of cars. That is about it. I long for the days when I was only responsible for me, and especially for college days, when the biggest responsibility was going to class and doing some homework.</p>
<p>I very much appreciate my wife and all that she does. The split is by no means equitable though I think I do help alot. I do generally however draw the line at watching Chick Flicks.</p>
<p>VeryHappy, I can relate (except that I never had a nanny or cleaning lady). I actually was a stay-at-home mom for many years. I think my husband got spoiled during that period of time. He worked a fair amount of overtime so I could be home and take care of everything. In exchange, I really did do pretty much everything at home–cook, clean, take care of kids, homeschool even, do the taxes, drive the kids everywhere, plant and weed the vegetable garden, even mow the lawn occasionally, etc. As the boys neared college age, I started working part-time. That eventually morphed into fulltime and now more than fulltime. My husband’s job, on the other hand, has cut out most overtime, so he is now working less than I am. However, guess who is still doing most of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, taxes, etc.? My younger son, at least, does appreciate me. My husband appreciates me in words, but a few more actions would be nice…</p>
<p>sonssecty, yeah it wouldn’t hurt them to watch a movie with their mother!</p>
<p>It’s usually a division of labor, we both do things the other really won’t or can’t do. As much as you’re frustrated by x, your spouse may be frustrated by z. </p>
<p>As far as tv and movies, Friday night lights baby… “we” both dig the show and the characters. A little something for everybody… which is of course why NBC wants to cancel it. Need more time for shows like deal or no deal, american gladiators and the lot…</p>
<p>I don’t like being the ‘travel agent.’ I decide where we go, where we’ll stay, what we’ll do, what car, hotel, airline, when, what, who…I ask for input. I get nothing. I give choices. I get ‘whatever’. I ask for someone to double check to make sure I haven’t made mistakes…I hear, “I’m sure it’s fine.” But then I also get all the heat when things go wrong as they usually do for reasons beyond my control. ::Sigh::</p>
<p>On the other hand, I made a joke about 'If I drop dead tomorrow, you should…" I look up and his eyes are fulll of tears because he 'doesn’t even want to think about that!" </p>
<p>Probably just doesn’t want to make his own travel arrangements to the funeral…</p>
<p>My husband and I have a running joke about this: every bday, Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day he gives me very sweet cards that basically say, " I know I don’t tell you this often enough, but I really appreciate all that you do etc". I always say at that point, “Yes, you don’t have to give me a CARD saying it, just SAY IT!”. He works about 60 hours weekly and I do everything else. He calls what I do “puttering” which is condescending/patronising to say the least and I’m not talking behind his back because I tell him that often!!@@##$$%%</p>