If I were in your shoes, I would never, ever, not in a million years, tell anyone about this inheritance. No one needs to know why or how you can afford nicer housing for your daughter. I’ve known a lot of rich and a lot of poor people, and the one thing they all have in common is that they spend their money in ways that baffle other people. Money is very personal. It’s also very private.
We mainly give financial info to our CPA and one another. We also share a bit with our kids. We rarely share anything financial with anyone else. We don’t figure its anyone else’s business.
IMO, there’s nothing to be gained from disclosing getting a financial windfall to those outside of close trusted family members and/or an exceedingly trustworthy friend or two.
In my observations, they will likely take it as bragging, attract undesirable company*, or some may start presuming you can join them on expensive excursions which you may not want to join for expense(Feelings about it being too rich for one’s blood) or for other reasons which are none of their business.
It’s one reason why I still sometimes find it odd that others attempt to brag about having a lot of wealth…especially if they don’t really have it.
- I.e. The "Oh, can you lend me [insert any amount higher than a cost of a dinner at a mid-end restaurant] for [insert pet cause/luxury consumer item/etc]?" under the assumption that the other person won't feel it's a big deal because "they can afford it".
I’d just add that another possible reason for the call is that the other mom might also be worried that your DD won’t be able to pay her share, and that she would drop out of the housing arrangement, or come up short when the bills are due. It’s not clear what sort of housing they are looking at (on campus or off) – but if it is a shared lease then it is always a concern among students that if one doesn’t pay, the others will have to come up with their share of the rent.
I don’t think you need to disclose your source of funds, but if that call was the mom’s very polite and gracious way of running her own personal credit check, it would probably be helpful for you to reassure the parent that it is within your budget and there will be no problem on your end with paying the rent or other costs, such as security deposit.
@dadx: I agree that a million is not what it once was, but the OP said “millions” (plural) and, later, that this windfall puts them in the 1%, so different discussion,
I agree. I used one million to keep the example simple. Even in the 1%, you can easily spend yourself out of it. But it is enough to afford a nicer apartment while you’re in school.
Yes, a nicer apartment is something we splurged on for our kids. Some of the places near their campus were safer than others and we preferred safer and newer places, especially for D and her female friends. Once you tell the other mom(s) that you’re fine with the place the girls chose and it will work for your family, you don’t need to elaborate and say you’re not pawning the family jewels or anything else.
I received a somewhat smaller and also unexpected inheritance, likewise from a spinster aunt. My kids know only that it was enough to send to a state school with no loans when added to what I was going to be able to pay anyway. Even my H doesn’t know how much it is. My friends who knew I inherited something were told only that I was now able to avoid parents loans and redo my kitchen in Ikea. It is none of anyone’s business, so if I were the OP, I would merely say that we have budgeted for the higher amount and will be able to afford it.
Actually, H’s inheritance was from an unmarried sister as well. He and his brother were surprised by her generosity. It was very nice of her.
Housing is always something that if I could afford to live in a better location, I would. However, my daughter is sharing a house with 2 other young women and paying very cheap rent in a great part of town, but next to public housing. She is happy there and I’m glad I taught her to live below her means.
Isn’t the term “spinster” negative? Isn’t unmarried more descriptive?
Congrats on your newfound wealth. Both H and I grew up without a lot and translated our physician incomes into a no worry free retirement because we lived below our means. Our son has a good income but is also frugal. Perhaps we all could spend more than we did and do but it’s a great feeling to not have to consider a budget when making purchases/plans. I have a list of some electronics (new, larger OLED TV to replace the 10+year old plasma, laptop, cell phone for the pay per minute one I have) I am impatiently waiting for the next big sale/price drop. Old habits do not die. If relatives on my side outlive us they will get a pleasant surprise after the various charitable donations.
We live comfortably in a well educated middle class neighborhood- so nice to not be outliers. Our experience with a vacation condo was that the rich businessmen had the more expensive lifestyles. I wonder how their children are doing now- needing to live within their own means, not their parents’. I wonder if those ultrarich parents are concerned about their offsprings’ lifestyles. From the phone call I suspect they do make them aware of costs and it seems wonderful for your D to be able to live in a better place than otherwise. Our frugal working son checked out better apartments but is sticking with the same studio he has, sigh. Perhaps it is the walking distance factor (he looked at public transportation options- was not going to pay for parking at work).
It is so nice to be able to by things without worrying about affordability. Being hopelessly middle class you, like us, are not likely to overspend. Do indulge in vacations and such because- you can’t take it with you and won’t have the health and mobility you do now. You will run into us at the moderate hotels et al!
(Wondering if it’s too late to get a spinster aunt.)
Agree with those who think the parents calling were thoughtful. D1, who was on a tight budget in college, had friends/roommates from that .1/.01 population, and there was a lot of clueless/thoughtless financial behavior. I don’t know if this is the way it really played out, but I was impressed how the group of wealthier friends were going to be fine with taking less expensive lodging to ensure that the group could stay together. At least that’s what it sounded like.
D has rubbed shoulders with some very wealthy classmates in college. It has been pretty interesting to hear about it 2nd hand. She did live with one for a year but went over the budget options with us and chose a modest but slightly more expensive place than some of her other apartments. We’ve never been called by any of their parents yet.
I also think it is thoughtful of the other girl’s parent.
My inheritance from one unmarried aunt was $20,000. I was thrilled! I can’t imagine inheriting a large amount of money, but I can dream! I think my two umarried aunts would have appreciated the ‘spinster’ label. BTW, the second aunt died in debt…
“I received a somewhat smaller and also unexpected inheritance, likewise from a spinster aunt. My kids know only that it was enough to send to a state school with no loans when added to what I was going to be able to pay anyway. Even my H doesn’t know how much it is”
Uh oh…you received an inheritance and don’t trust your spouse enough to tell him how much it was? I guess if you’re planning for divorce, that could be a good plan. 
I have to disagree with most everyone about not fessing up to why you now have money. I am very sensitive to friends and coworkers that I know don’t have much extra to spend, and I will either pay for them, or go to happy hour/bring coupons when we go to dinner. I won’t even suggest something more expensive than I think they could afford. But if they told me they had an unexpected windfall, inheritance, big pay raise, I would feel I had more latitude to go other places with them. I never want to put someone in a situation that they are uncomfortable with or feel like they are spending too much money.
If it was me, I would tell the mom that this time last year, I would have nixed the expensive housing. But this year, I received a nice windfall/gift/inheritance (whatever you want to call it) from a loved one, and we are comfortable paying for the more expensive place, no problem. Because I would be worried that she wouldn’t believe me otherwise, and think that I was making a sacrifice that I couldn’t afford, and they would feel guilty or forced to look for other housing. I don’t have a problem being honest. You don’t have to say numbers, but honesty works pretty well for me. Could it be possible that your daughter told the other girls, anyways?
H and I are very open with one another about $$$. It seems easier and cleaner that way.
There could be any number of valid reasons ranging from the heir being bound by the inheritance terms to not disclose the details/exact amounts to anyone else including spouse/children for a certain number of years* to acknowledgement of issues with the spouse such as his/her lack of discretion**, being a spendthrift(including volunteering the use of large portions of family money without prior notification/approval of the other spouse), gambling/addiction issues, etc.
It may or may not necessarily mean the marriage is in trouble.
- I've perused some trusts with such terms while helping law partners gather trusts and relevant documents related to the cases they were entrusted with. .
** A.K.A.: S/he’s a blabbermouth who has a demonstrated history of poor/nonexistent understanding of discretion.
It’s one thing to say one’s ok with the more expensive option.
One doesn’t necessarily need to volunteer the exact details as to how/why one’s ok about it. That IMO is TMI with anyone outside of one’s family.
I too inherited money from a maiden aunt. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it was enough to help me with grad school tuition and buying my first apartment.
Here’s to maiden aunts!!
Some people may not say anything about increased income or wealth because they do not want to deal with social pressure to increase unnecessary (to them) extra spending (which could consume the extra income or wealth and leave them no better than before, or worse if they end up with the same or less money for their kids’ college but lower financial aid eligibility due to higher income).
Of course, if someone else is actually paying for them, that gets somewhat messier, in terms of getting the message out that they do not need or want subsidies, but also do not want to increase unnecessary (to them) spending otherwise.