The jury is still out on divorce. As I get older, I lean more and more against it, but that’s not the reason I keep the amount of my inheritance a secret, as well as the amounts in my retirement account and how much my pension will be. My H is a spendthrift with ADHD and he refuses to deal with things. It amazes me that he does complex financial planning for OTHER people as part of his work but refuses to accept that we have financial constraints. My money is his money but he doesn’t see his money as my money so I conceal the amount of my money. If I die before him, he will find out how much it is…
H knows that I will be getting a portion of my inheritance in the next few months. It would be enough to send S17 to a private school instead of a SUNY without debt. However, the older kids didn’t have that option so S17 is also going to a SUNY. That’s how I think it will be fair. Instead, the money is going to go into a hidden account that nobody but me will have access to and I am going to try to grow it as much as possible in a safe way.
The only comment I have made about my finances to friends is to join the general bemoaning that NOBODY in our circle of friends qualifies for the Excelsior scholarship but we all miss it by justsolittle!
I only think along those lines if the individual concerned effectively made their pricey spending my business by asking for/being on hock for a large loan from yours truly.
Otherwise, if it’s their money, regardless of the source…not worth wasting brain space thinking about. I’d think “good for them” and move on to thinking about other things.
Public Service Announcement–All of you go get your wills updated if you haven’t already done so!
You may have different feelings about things since your kids are no longer under your roof and maybe even with kids of their own. It’s probably been a while–you’ve made more money, have more assets of different types. Perhaps you got divorced and even remarried. Having an estate plan can save a ton in taxes and make sure you (and not the state) decide where the money goes.
To add to what gouf said. Just an FYI. If the estate goes through probate, the will ends up in public records. Want a copy of Michael Jackson’s will? It is in the public records!
So if you don’t want your personal family secrets to be laundered in public, do not put anything embarrassing in the will. Do not want ro publicly disclose your assets? Do what Michael Jackson dis. A good estate attorney will be able to provide some strategic guidance for your individual situation.
Wow techmom99, it’s interesting to meet someone so totally my opposite. If I found out that my spouse had financial dealings that he was hiding from me it would indicate to me that our marriage was over. If he didn’t trust me, then time to get a lawyer. We have always been 100% open and shared accounts. Maybe because we started young and broke and as financial and intellectual equals?
We are also in the process of updating wills, establishing a family trust, etc. We called each of our adult kids with the “Good news, if we die in the same crash, you won’t have to move to Aunt Anne’s basement like in our old will”. Of course they knew this was a joke, but it opened the discussion as to whether there were any keepsakes they wanted, etc.
I can see why you’d keep quiet about money to your husband, @techmom99. Money is surely an issue, supposedly the top reason for divorce. It would be very hard staying in a marriage with those issues, but I imagine everyone has some difficulties, it’s just a balancing act of what one is willing to put up with, and how bad it is. Of course, our husbands don’t have to put up with anything except for dealing with absolutely perfect wives, right?
A good estate attorney will be able to provide some strategic guidance for your individual situation.